I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

You only have antibodies if you are positive. So either 1. Your doctor is an idiot. 2. You didn’t actually go to a doctor.

The blood tests are 99% accurate. They are as reliable as any other STD test or pregnancy test. You really can’t get more accurate than that. It’s true the blood tests used to be unreliable but they simply aren’t anymore so I’m not sure why this keeps getting mentioned. I don’t understand if you are this worried why you wouldn’t get a blood test. It honestly makes you sound just like him wanting to keep your head in the sand.

You can have a cold sore and test positive for an antibody. This is why majority of the population, if tested would test positive for antibodies. Most people would acquire HSV-1 as a child because close contact with other kids, kisses from family members, etc. Antibodies test for exposure at anytime, which makes it unreliable, again, because most people would test positive for antibodies.

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Each variety of virus has its own antibody. Some of these tests can get false positives from chicken pox antibodies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For HSV having a positive antibody test means you have the antibodies for the virus in your blood. Which means you have it. It means the virus is in your blood. Could be dormant, you could have zero outbreaks, one outbreak or outbreaks all the time. It means you have the virus and can spread it to others. If you test positive for the antibody test you will always test positive for it-because it’s permanent. It’s totally fine if some of you are comfortable with that but it doesn’t change the fact that the person has it. Maybe they will never have an outbreak and will never spread it but honestly there is no way to know that. Someone can have it dormant for years and then have an outbreak.

But that’s not true

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Most people get HSV-1 during childhood so it wouldn’t be weird at all for you to test positive for it in high school. People get it from being kissed by parents/family members. That being said false negatives/false positives were definitely a thing with the tests 20 years ago so it also was probably just a false positive.

Also they for sure test pregnant women for HSV-2 but only if you tell them you have it/Have possibly been exposed. They asked me about it in all 3 of my pregnancies.

They clearly don’t. If you’re not showing any signs of an outbreak. You can request but they don’t “for sure test”.

Because the OP said her doctor didn’t? Obviously her doctor isn’t a good one. They absolutely test you if you tell them you have it or might have it. Doctors want to protect the babies.

But yeah-who cares. It’s just herpes. It can actually kill babies but no really it’s fine. Some of you are really insane.

Also some of you need to look up what the word permanent means. Because you seem confused.

Do they? Op could be facing discrimination by an apathetic doc and getting substandard care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Yeah no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For HSV having a positive antibody test means you have the antibodies for the virus in your blood. Which means you have it. It means the virus is in your blood. Could be dormant, you could have zero outbreaks, one outbreak or outbreaks all the time. It means you have the virus and can spread it to others. If you test positive for the antibody test you will always test positive for it-because it’s permanent. It’s totally fine if some of you are comfortable with that but it doesn’t change the fact that the person has it. Maybe they will never have an outbreak and will never spread it but honestly there is no way to know that. Someone can have it dormant for years and then have an outbreak.

But that’s not true

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Most people get HSV-1 during childhood so it wouldn’t be weird at all for you to test positive for it in high school. People get it from being kissed by parents/family members. That being said false negatives/false positives were definitely a thing with the tests 20 years ago so it also was probably just a false positive.

Also they for sure test pregnant women for HSV-2 but only if you tell them you have it/Have possibly been exposed. They asked me about it in all 3 of my pregnancies.

They clearly don’t. If you’re not showing any signs of an outbreak. You can request but they don’t “for sure test”.

Because the OP said her doctor didn’t? Obviously her doctor isn’t a good one. They absolutely test you if you tell them you have it or might have it. Doctors want to protect the babies.

But yeah-who cares. It’s just herpes. It can actually kill babies but no really it’s fine. Some of you are really insane.

Also some of you need to look up what the word permanent means. Because you seem confused.

The last two pages are full of replies from multiple people stating how it’s not standard to test if you’re not showing signs of symptoms. It’s not a reliable test if you’re not showing symptoms because many people will test positive for antibodies - it’s not a reliable test for infection, exposure timeline, etc., only that you’ve simply been exposed, which most of the population has. We’re simply repeating the typical protocol from doctors and health organizations.

Why are you acting like testing positive for the antibodies doesn’t mean you have herpes? That’s literally what it means. Positive antibodies = you have herpes and must inform all partner you have.

Which OP now has to do. She was exposed the same way he was, and he didn't even know he was infected.

She has to do that once it’s confirmed that she has antibodies or herpes. We aren’t sure if she was “exposed” because we aren’t sure if he was shedding or had an outbreak or a viral load in his semen when he had sex with her and also she has described that she hasn’t come in contact with his semen for a while here. Although somehow she is pregnant 20 weeks ago so go figure.

Anyway, I was reading about the documented cases of HIV when it spread in the porn industry from Brazil. All of the people who had unprotected sex with the HIV positive actor did not catch HIV. Nor did they test positive for HIV antibodies. They simply did not catch it. Infected people do not shed virus at a constant or continuous rate, sometimes their semen doesn’t have HIV in it, sometimes it does. You can never tell. So some of them had sex with an HIV positive person but were not exposed to the virus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

[Anonymous]

Baby moon ?
Girllllll better hope you and that baby don’t have that HERP

You have far more important issues to be concerned about .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

You only have antibodies if you are positive. So either 1. Your doctor is an idiot. 2. You didn’t actually go to a doctor.

The blood tests are 99% accurate. They are as reliable as any other STD test or pregnancy test. You really can’t get more accurate than that. It’s true the blood tests used to be unreliable but they simply aren’t anymore so I’m not sure why this keeps getting mentioned. I don’t understand if you are this worried why you wouldn’t get a blood test. It honestly makes you sound just like him wanting to keep your head in the sand.

He’s going to put me on antibodies a few weeks before I give birth to be on the safe side. He asked for ex to come in with his paperwork to better assess.

Because the blood test is unreliable and I’m going based off what the doctor said, not my feelings? The blood tests aren’t 99% reliable for detection of the virus apparently. I like you, thought the same thing going into my appointment today.

“ 6
Herpes IgG Test: Purpose and What Results Mean
Herpes blood tests (IgG) are highly accurate for detecting HSV-2 (generally 95-99% sensitive), but they are less reliable for HSV-1 due to high population exposure. The tests detect antibodies, not the virus itself, often requiring 4–12 weeks post-exposure for accurate results. False positives can occur, especially with low-level HSV-2 results.”

So, just like my doctor said I can test positive for antibodies which doesn’t mean I have it. He will see me again in 2 weeks with my ex’s paperwork.

No he is not. Your Dr is NOT putting you on antibodies. This is serious stuff and you barely understood what he said to you which has me scared for you and if you are able to follow the doctor’s instructions.

I don’t think she even went to the Dr. about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For HSV having a positive antibody test means you have the antibodies for the virus in your blood. Which means you have it. It means the virus is in your blood. Could be dormant, you could have zero outbreaks, one outbreak or outbreaks all the time. It means you have the virus and can spread it to others. If you test positive for the antibody test you will always test positive for it-because it’s permanent. It’s totally fine if some of you are comfortable with that but it doesn’t change the fact that the person has it. Maybe they will never have an outbreak and will never spread it but honestly there is no way to know that. Someone can have it dormant for years and then have an outbreak.

But that’s not true

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Most people get HSV-1 during childhood so it wouldn’t be weird at all for you to test positive for it in high school. People get it from being kissed by parents/family members. That being said false negatives/false positives were definitely a thing with the tests 20 years ago so it also was probably just a false positive.

Also they for sure test pregnant women for HSV-2 but only if you tell them you have it/Have possibly been exposed. They asked me about it in all 3 of my pregnancies.

They clearly don’t. If you’re not showing any signs of an outbreak. You can request but they don’t “for sure test”.

Because the OP said her doctor didn’t? Obviously her doctor isn’t a good one. They absolutely test you if you tell them you have it or might have it. Doctors want to protect the babies.

But yeah-who cares. It’s just herpes. It can actually kill babies but no really it’s fine. Some of you are really insane.

Also some of you need to look up what the word permanent means. Because you seem confused.

The last two pages are full of replies from multiple people stating how it’s not standard to test if you’re not showing signs of symptoms. It’s not a reliable test if you’re not showing symptoms because many people will test positive for antibodies - it’s not a reliable test for infection, exposure timeline, etc., only that you’ve simply been exposed, which most of the population has. We’re simply repeating the typical protocol from doctors and health organizations.

Why are you acting like testing positive for the antibodies doesn’t mean you have herpes? That’s literally what it means. Positive antibodies = you have herpes and must inform all partner you have.

Which OP now has to do. She was exposed the same way he was, and he didn't even know he was infected.

She has to do that once it’s confirmed that she has antibodies or herpes. We aren’t sure if she was “exposed” because we aren’t sure if he was shedding or had an outbreak or a viral load in his semen when he had sex with her and also she has described that she hasn’t come in contact with his semen for a while here. Although somehow she is pregnant 20 weeks ago so go figure.

Anyway, I was reading about the documented cases of HIV when it spread in the porn industry from Brazil. All of the people who had unprotected sex with the HIV positive actor did not catch HIV. Nor did they test positive for HIV antibodies. They simply did not catch it. Infected people do not shed virus at a constant or continuous rate, sometimes their semen doesn’t have HIV in it, sometimes it does. You can never tell. So some of them had sex with an HIV positive person but were not exposed to the virus.

See, now you’re just making stuff up. When did I ever say or even allude to anyone’s semen? All you need to do is coming into contact with someone’s skin to get herpes, not their semen. Quite literally said on page 1 how we had sex Saturday and how he couldn’t stay erect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you pregnant by your lying divorced fiancé at 34 and not your honest, trustworthy, baggage free , and STI free husband?

Preachhhhhh 🔥
How did we get here?

Because unfortunately, even if we were married first and he had never been divorced, people can still turn out to be deceptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For HSV having a positive antibody test means you have the antibodies for the virus in your blood. Which means you have it. It means the virus is in your blood. Could be dormant, you could have zero outbreaks, one outbreak or outbreaks all the time. It means you have the virus and can spread it to others. If you test positive for the antibody test you will always test positive for it-because it’s permanent. It’s totally fine if some of you are comfortable with that but it doesn’t change the fact that the person has it. Maybe they will never have an outbreak and will never spread it but honestly there is no way to know that. Someone can have it dormant for years and then have an outbreak.

But that’s not true

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Most people get HSV-1 during childhood so it wouldn’t be weird at all for you to test positive for it in high school. People get it from being kissed by parents/family members. That being said false negatives/false positives were definitely a thing with the tests 20 years ago so it also was probably just a false positive.

Also they for sure test pregnant women for HSV-2 but only if you tell them you have it/Have possibly been exposed. They asked me about it in all 3 of my pregnancies.

They clearly don’t. If you’re not showing any signs of an outbreak. You can request but they don’t “for sure test”.

Because the OP said her doctor didn’t? Obviously her doctor isn’t a good one. They absolutely test you if you tell them you have it or might have it. Doctors want to protect the babies.

But yeah-who cares. It’s just herpes. It can actually kill babies but no really it’s fine. Some of you are really insane.

Also some of you need to look up what the word permanent means. Because you seem confused.

The last two pages are full of replies from multiple people stating how it’s not standard to test if you’re not showing signs of symptoms. It’s not a reliable test if you’re not showing symptoms because many people will test positive for antibodies - it’s not a reliable test for infection, exposure timeline, etc., only that you’ve simply been exposed, which most of the population has. We’re simply repeating the typical protocol from doctors and health organizations.

Why are you acting like testing positive for the antibodies doesn’t mean you have herpes? That’s literally what it means. Positive antibodies = you have herpes and must inform all partner you have.

Which OP now has to do. She was exposed the same way he was, and he didn't even know he was infected.

She has to do that once it’s confirmed that she has antibodies or herpes. We aren’t sure if she was “exposed” because we aren’t sure if he was shedding or had an outbreak or a viral load in his semen when he had sex with her and also she has described that she hasn’t come in contact with his semen for a while here. Although somehow she is pregnant 20 weeks ago so go figure.

Anyway, I was reading about the documented cases of HIV when it spread in the porn industry from Brazil. All of the people who had unprotected sex with the HIV positive actor did not catch HIV. Nor did they test positive for HIV antibodies. They simply did not catch it. Infected people do not shed virus at a constant or continuous rate, sometimes their semen doesn’t have HIV in it, sometimes it does. You can never tell. So some of them had sex with an HIV positive person but were not exposed to the virus.

Of course, which is why people take a blood test when they have been “exposed” to a virus-to see if they have actually acquired the virus or not.

It’s just like with most STI’s just because you find out you had sex with someone who has one doesn’t mean you have it by default-that’s the whole reason these tests exist. And for the record-many STI’s don’t present with any symptoms at all, especially for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

I believe there are two tests he could have given. Pregnancy could contribute to a false positive on an igG test but then he could confirm with a western blot test? I’m not a doctor I’m just reading stuff online.

Would you know if your STBX had an outbreak? Seems to me he was hiding the peen from you for a while. Super sketch.

According to him, he’s never had one. My OB asked if I’ve ever seen anything and I told him no. He asked if ever had an outbreak which he said I would definitely notice for the first time because it’s very painful, I told him no. I have to come back in 2 weeks anyways because they weren’t able to get all the images, so he wants to talk to him and get all of his paperwork then.

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Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

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Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

Yeah but YOU HAVE HERPES. If you go get tested right now even while you don’t have a cold sore your test is going to be POSITIVE. Sorry.

Everyone with a virus does not shed viral loads in continuous and consistent amounts. It varies that’s why having sex with someone who has an STD doesn’t mean you’ll automatically catch it.

Unfortunately when you came in contact with the person you caught it from they were hella shedding and you caught it. Was just bad luck along with the irresponsibility and bam now you’re positive forever.

Op, have you had the flu since you’ve been dating this guy? Any flue like symptoms at all?

The PP poster was not me

But to answer your question…I got sick last year but I always get sick every year.

ATP all you can do is get tested and refrain from having sex with him at least until the baby is here. Flu like symptoms are usually the first sign that you’ve caught any virus. I’m hoping you didn’t catch this and can be rid of this guy.

Just came from seeing my OB. He doesn’t believe I have it because if I haven’t had an outbreak. He said he could do a blood test but blood tests aren’t reliable because if you have antibodies it’ll say “positive”, so this is why they go by visuals, and he said if or my ex had an outbreak I would definitely know. He’s going to put me on antivirals to be on the safe side.

I’m relieved for the most part.

You only have antibodies if you are positive. So either 1. Your doctor is an idiot. 2. You didn’t actually go to a doctor.

The blood tests are 99% accurate. They are as reliable as any other STD test or pregnancy test. You really can’t get more accurate than that. It’s true the blood tests used to be unreliable but they simply aren’t anymore so I’m not sure why this keeps getting mentioned. I don’t understand if you are this worried why you wouldn’t get a blood test. It honestly makes you sound just like him wanting to keep your head in the sand.

He’s going to put me on antibodies a few weeks before I give birth to be on the safe side. He asked for ex to come in with his paperwork to better assess.

Because the blood test is unreliable and I’m going based off what the doctor said, not my feelings? The blood tests aren’t 99% reliable for detection of the virus apparently. I like you, thought the same thing going into my appointment today.

“ 6
Herpes IgG Test: Purpose and What Results Mean
Herpes blood tests (IgG) are highly accurate for detecting HSV-2 (generally 95-99% sensitive), but they are less reliable for HSV-1 due to high population exposure. The tests detect antibodies, not the virus itself, often requiring 4–12 weeks post-exposure for accurate results. False positives can occur, especially with low-level HSV-2 results.”

So, just like my doctor said I can test positive for antibodies which doesn’t mean I have it. He will see me again in 2 weeks with my ex’s paperwork.

No he is not. Your Dr is NOT putting you on antibodies. This is serious stuff and you barely understood what he said to you which has me scared for you and if you are able to follow the doctor’s instructions.

Calm down. It was a simple mistake of saying antibodies instead of antivirals. He’s going to put me on antivirals the last few weeks of my pregnancy as an extra precaution, not because it’s needed. I understand perfectly.