Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

NP but this isn’t the situation. And in this bizarre specific situation you made up, it would be impossible for grandma
To see both, so yeah, she would have to skip a hospital visit for one baby. But in OPs situation this isn’t the case so I’m not sure why it’s relevant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

Any takers?

I would be thrilled to be a “taker” if you want to start your own thread on this fan-fiction, hypothetical situation. Start your own thread, and off we’ll go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

I don't think it's being universally true and it wasn't just vague plans it was a planned birthday party visit for her other grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newborn. Not even close.

Okay.
Answer me this.
2 daughters.
Both give birth on the same day.
The daughters live at least 6 hours apart
Who does Grandma visit first?

NP. Whoever is ready for visitors first. If both, then whichever baby was born first.

So you're saying it actually doesn't matter if Grandma sees the baby at the hospital

NP but this isn’t the situation. And in this bizarre specific situation you made up, it would be impossible for grandma
To see both, so yeah, she would have to skip a hospital visit for one baby. But in OPs situation this isn’t the case so I’m not sure why it’s relevant

Because you and other who share your opinion are so adamant that grandmas must be present at the hospital for a newborn and delayed visits are unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Also for you newborn first only a terrible grandmother would skip that.

Why is she not terrible for failing to reschedule with the daughter and grandchild she chose to skip out on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, get over yourself. A newborn and mom who just gave birth are far more important in this case, though I don’t doubt your sister is difficult and has pulled stunts before.

But this was not the case to make on DCUM, because in this case, you are not the priority. At all.

And sockpuppeting did not help your case. You just sound entitled and crazy with whack priorities, even if that’s not really true.

Sorry OP but I agree. No your reaction to this one situation isn’t reasonable. A newborn trumps a young kid’s birthday party. It just does. That doesn’t mean your feelings toward prior slights or difficulties aren’t valid! But to cut off family members over this particular situation makes you look unhinged, rigid and uncaring.

Nope, plenty of posters disagree with you.

This board is known for people are dysfunctional in their relationships as OP is. She doesn’t get along with her mom and two sisters. She isn’t blameless here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. But this is your sign to let your mom and sister go. Now their drama is impacting your child and your child does not deserve to grow up thinking they are 2nd place, like you did. Cut them off now while they are young before any real damage is done.

This is so absurd!!! Cutting off because your mom visited your sister who just gave birth early?! Dysfunction to a whole new level.

Ps we don’t know that OP is birthday child mom. I’m wondering if she is just a family friend.

You are likely the manipulative person in your family or their flying monkey.
From the op we know that this is part of series of neglectful behavior. It would be the healthy choice for op and her kids to drop the rope cut them off hopefully her in laws are better people

Nope. I have strong bonds with my family members and very healthy relationships. Look in the mirror. Cutting off ties because your mom visited your sister who just had a baby is completely crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, while I sympathize and I do believe that you’ve been on the receiving end of manipulation and bad behavior, this whole thread is a really bad look for you. There is just nothing more important than a mother seeing her daughter after giving birth, and seeing her new grandchild!

I don’t doubt that you’ve had really difficult family dynamics, but you’re clearly a big part of the problem, with the lying and sockpuppeting on this thread. It’s so cringeworthy, and makes you look like the crazy one. Best to ask Jeff to take it down.

Which she could have done the next day. Someone disagreeing with you does not mean that they are lying or sock puppets

There have been lots of people saying visiting baby was the right move, and lots of people saying keep the birthday plans. But it’s very obvious that OP has sockpuppeted a ton in this thread, and the posts that are hers are fairly obvious. She also was clearly being called out as the mom of the birthday kid long before she admitted it. Again, very obvious.

Please give examples

I’m not the PP but given that several posters immediately identified OP as the mother of the birthday child even though that was OP’s supposedly “neutral” retelling, and OP still refused to admit the truth, it is reasonable to be suspicious.

Agree. And I don’t think it was necessary to be so secretive about which party she was in this - I don’t feel the answers would have been all that different. She loses credibility having not answered for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to
hurt or manipulate you.

+2

Unfortunately this is the kind of mom who will make absolutely sure birthday kid realizes the grandparent didn’t attend rather than not calling attention to it or handling it in a mature way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is VERY telling that you have said not one word of excitement or care about your new niece or nephew. That precious baby is not guilty of doing or saying anything to hurt or manipulate you.

That’s a good point. She is just focused on the attention being taken away from her child on her child’s birthday- which sounds objectively childish and self centered. I don’t doubt that her sister is an attention seeker, but in this objective situation (even though OP clearly
Couldn’t tell the story objectively, it was obvious from the first post which sister she was and which sister she disliked), it’s a no brainer that the grandma should
Visit the newborn in the hospital.

No
She can go the next day.

And she can also visit the toddler the next day. The toddler will love a second birthday “celebration”. The newborn won’t be in the hospital the next day.

Why does the visit have to be at the hospital?

Is this an earnest question? If it is- visiting the new mom and baby at the hospital is often a big event, sort of a rite of passage. It would be uncommon for a grandparent to skip it for a birthday party. So uncommon, that if someone heard “oh her mom was going to come.l visit her and baby in the hospital but she’d already made plans”, it would immediately be assumed the grandma was aloof and uncaring .

It's really not a rite of passage though. And it would not be uncommon for a grandparent to come a day later in order to attend a gathering in honor of another grandkid she already committed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not ambiguous, the way you wrote it you are clearly the parent of the birthday child. And yes, the birth of a grandchild and that mom's request for her mom to come see her overrides a birthday party for a different grandchild.

This is assuming it's within the first week of the new baby's birth. As you surely remember, new moms need a lot of support and have a lot of hormones. She's asking for her mom to come help her. Her mom saying "well sorry, I have plans" is strange.

Now if the baby was born a month ago and the timing of this ask is on purpose to ruin your party, then that's different.

Give me a break. I’ve given birth and guess what , the grandparent can come a different day. The baby will still be new. The grandparent already obligated herself to the other grandkid.

💯

Glad grandma disagreed with you. You don’t attend a multi person gathering right before visiting with a vulnerable newborn.