Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family
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Anonymous
Ditto. We sometimes spend holidays with family, sometimes travel $$$, sometimes go camping at the state park. I don’t really care what anyone thinks |
Anonymous
| The announcement was bad timing and seems harsh. Why not wait until fall to say you have other plans? Makes me wonder if there are some other family issues. |
Anonymous
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I am smiling at how this whole this has devolved into a battle about wealth, competitive women, and private school culture.
What is SIL doesn’t like OP? What if SIL enjoys her husband’s family but genuinely wants to celebrate Christmas with her family on vacation the next few years, before her kids get older and no longer live with her? What’s wrong with that? What happens if SiL gets sick and dies before grandma and never got to enjoy Christmas with her family the way she wanted because she spent her life catering to others? Answer - there’s nothing wrong with SIL. It is weird to me that you would want someone to come to your event if they didn’t want to be there but did so only out of guilt? I get it they you’re sad they won’t be there OP, but I do think you’re the jerk here if you think it’s a legitimate reason to be mad. |
Anonymous
I feel like OP stirred the pot from the beginning by mentioning this was a private school thing. To me, that is an irrelevant detail. SIL (and maybe the actual brother?) want a different kind of xmas. May be understandably sad for some to have the tradition change but so be it. There are a lot of very cranky people on this thread (maybe because they've had too much family time this week?) throwing around a lot of dramatic words on both sides (controlling, selfish, freakin' losers) and jumping to a lot of conclusions - some people take vacations for fun not for a social media presence. |
Anonymous
You, like OP, sound awful. Am glad I don't ever have to spend time with you. |
Anonymous
Exactly. There are a bunch of dysfunctional people from dysfunctional families projecting their own BS on to OP. But then again, that's DCUM for you. I don't know why anyone bothers to post. It's always a contest to see who can twist OPs post the most and project all kinds of crazy assumptions on OP to make them the "bad guy". |
Grandma does not actually have lots of ways to see all of her kids and grandkids together. She has literally one time of year that happens. Christmas or Christmas Eve. That’s it. And maybe Christmas doesn’t mean anything to you non-Christians but it means a great deal to my devout mother.
Anonymous
If DCUM is so awful, why are you here? Why don’t you make it your New Year’s resolution to leave if it is so bothersome and useless. |
Anonymous
Good grief. No one is getting bent out of shape that grandma is sad. People are (rightly) reacting to OP's initial post, and subsequent follow-ups, which suggest (or outright state) that her SIL is an evil manipulator and social climber; that her brother has no spine and is doing just what his terrible wife wants; that this is all due to SIL's desire to keep up with the Joneses; and that somehow her brother's family is in the wrong for wanting to do something different than OP thinks they should do next Christmas. Also, she's speculating about a lot of things (SIL's motives and her plan to spend Christmas with her parents), all in a way to cast SIL in a bad light. The only (slight) thing I can see that SIL did wrong is disclosing this during this year's celebration. That seems unnecessary. But given OP's characterizations here, I'm guessing it was far more innocuous than she made it appear. Even OP admits that SIL was nice about it - it's the "premise" she finds rude. In other words, the fact that her brother's family will not be around next Christmas is the only offense here, and that translates into "SIL told elderly MIL that this is the last Christmas she'll see family." What nonsense. Based on this thread alone, it can't be ruled out that part of the reason brother's family is making other plans for next Christmas is OP and her histrionics. |
Anonymous
Sadly spot on. Vapid social climbers act like associating with middle class let alone working class family is noblesse oblige. Once maybe twice a year you’re a backwater charity case disrupting their carefully curated status-obsessed brand. A buzzkill who reminds them of their roots; the low stock proletariat they really are beneath their wannabe bourgeois patina. But boy do they ever love a rich grandma and grandpa. Visits, trips, frequent FaceTiming, heck, maybe even give a baby the middle name of a rich grandparent to score some estate planning points. While a working class grandma should just literally drop dead. |
Anonymous
because of will say it's too late. It's good they've announced the change early. |
Anonymous
| Both my and my husbands parents are in their early to mid-80's and are the most selfish people on the planet. They don't realize that by the time they were our age, mid-50s, their parents were gone and they were free to live their lives the way they wished. I am sick and tired of anwering to 85-year-olds. We simply should not be living this long. |
Anonymous
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I grew up in a situation similar to OP. We had an annual Thanksgiving with my dad’s parents, my dad’s brothers and their families. It was nice when we were younger, but in our teen years it started to feel really awkward to be obligated to attend this event with people we see only once per year and were essentially strangers (other than our Granpda,
since Grandma died when I was 9). Ultimately, my mom and dad insisted on going until my grandpa passed away in his 90s. After Grandpa died, we celebrated Thanksgiving at our house and it was amazing. We had so much fun with my siblings and parents and adored this new tradition. We felt comfortable and happy and loved doing the cooking instead of being a guest at someone’s house. But then, a couple of years later, my mom got dementia and she couldn’t host. All in all, we got less than 5 years as a family to celebrate Thanksgiving together between my grandpa’s death and my mom’s dementia. I wish we had stopped going to Thanksgiving years earlier so we had more time with my immediate family. OP, families change and change is hard. I’m going to do my best not to pressure my kids to do specific traditions and instead focus on trying to have regular get together with them that aren’t mandatory or structured around a holiday, but rather voluntary and lower pressure. |
Anonymous
Not one person is thinking any kind of way about this unless they have serious issues with insecurity (like op) |
Anonymous
| It’s the American dream. Individualization. It’s all about you. Never give a shit about anyone else. Do what you want when you want and be as self centered as you can be. Leave everyone else to look after themselves. |
Anonymous
Her announcement wasn't timed compassionately but may be your mother asked and SIL didn't want to lie. |