Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

Does that make you entitled to your parent's help?

Boomers didn't buy new all the time. A hole in your pants, or sock? Get out the needle and thread. Take care of things so they last. That $3k car - how long did they have it? They had one car, too.

DP. My Boomer parents have never, in my lifetime, had fewer than three cars for the two of them.

What is your parents' net worth? I think some of you crying about your boomer parents are really out of touch.

Barely anything. They keep spending their money on cars. Seriously though, they're very middle class, just rednecks. Rednecks have lots of cars.

And I'm not crying, just pointing out that these generational stereotypes aren't that true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

I bet this PP is an immigrant or a second gen American.
And this is why they will rise to the top in a matter of a generation or two.

And then back down again like all the generations before them. Nobody stays on top. They will be fully assimilated in mainstream American culture by then.

I honestly think they’ll change the culture (not just them but also the objective circumstances). It is harder and harder to stay financially independent, first for kids from their parents, then for parents from their kids. Those kids whose college isn’t paid for and who don’t have help with their downpayment will then not have money to comfortably retire and so forth. Life is changing and it now looks more and more like life in second world countries tbh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

Does that make you entitled to your parent's help?

Boomers didn't buy new all the time. A hole in your pants, or sock? Get out the needle and thread. Take care of things so they last. That $3k car - how long did they have it? They had one car, too.

DP. My Boomer parents have never, in my lifetime, had fewer than three cars for the two of them.

What is your parents' net worth? I think some of you crying about your boomer parents are really out of touch.

Barely anything. They keep spending their money on cars. Seriously though, they're very middle class, just rednecks. Rednecks have lots of cars.

And I'm not crying, just pointing out that these generational stereotypes aren't that true.

Lol. Yep, these stereotypes are so often not true. My Boomer mom would rather buy new at Kohls, whereas I'm the one who will fix a hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Right but what was the value of your mortgage? Guessing it wasnt 1.5 million. 17% of 100000 is less than 4% of 1 million. Full picture here, which I know is not boomers strong suite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

Does that make you entitled to your parent's help?

Boomers didn't buy new all the time. A hole in your pants, or sock? Get out the needle and thread. Take care of things so they last. That $3k car - how long did they have it? They had one car, too.

DP. My Boomer parents have never, in my lifetime, had fewer than three cars for the two of them.

What is your parents' net worth? I think some of you crying about your boomer parents are really out of touch.

Barely anything. They keep spending their money on cars. Seriously though, they're very middle class, just rednecks. Rednecks have lots of cars.

And I'm not crying, just pointing out that these generational stereotypes aren't that true.

Of course they're not true. My Boomer parents have been somewhat helpful, they aren't at my beck and call but they will do occasional babysitting. But people like OP will completely ignore any evidence other than ALL boomer grandparents are this or that. My parents have given me more help than either of them ever got. And I see lots of grandparents at my kids school picking kids up, at sports practices, dance classes, games, wherever kids are I see loads of grandparents. It's hard to get seating at plays, concerts, recitals because so many grandparents fill all the seats, leaving few for actual parents. This ides that Boomers don't do anything, just does not match what I see every day.

[Anonymous]

I am an elder millenial parent. I have one set of grandparents that is very hands on and wants nothing more than to watch my kids and my siblings kids all the time. I have another set who wants us to show up at the appointed time on holidays, take pictures, smile politely, and leave. I would say both sets are pretty classic boomers in most areas of their lives, but only one fits this mold of wanting to spend their time and money not with grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

I bet this PP is an immigrant or a second gen American.
And this is why they will rise to the top in a matter of a generation or two.

And then back down again like all the generations before them. Nobody stays on top. They will be fully assimilated in mainstream American culture by then.

I honestly think they’ll change the culture (not just them but also the objective circumstances). It is harder and harder to stay financially independent, first for kids from their parents, then for parents from their kids. Those kids whose college isn’t paid for and who don’t have help with their downpayment will then not have money to comfortably retire and so forth. Life is changing and it now looks more and more like life in second world countries tbh

People will stop having kids. Birth rates are down. That's the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

My immigrant parents tell me that many of their friends who are in this situation are feeling abused by their kids and the amount of work they demanding the grandparents do to take care of the household while they are out working.

DP. They are free to go live on their own, no?

Probably not, their money is tied in the “family compound”, and it will be a big blowup if they suggest to sell and split. Plus, they have likely made a series of decisions leading up to this that puts them at disadvantage, e.g. the grandmother not working and effectively giving up Social Security.

Another immigrant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

The average salary as $126 per week. People’s monthly income averaged $500 per month. The federal tax was up to 70% of your income. People making 1,000 per year paid a 10% federal tax rate. People making $200,000 paid 70% in federal taxes.

I don’t get what that has to do with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

And? They are entitled to live their life of leisure. Once again, they’re YOUR KIDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

When you watch your kids struggle and don’t help, it has consequences.

Your entitlement is noted. It’s gross and pathetic. Please locate and don your adult pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

When you watch your kids struggle and don’t help, it has consequences.

Not only not help, but literally flaunt it in my face that they won’t help and plan to spend all of their money before they die. meanwhile, that money was inherited from their parents.

Oh, how shocking. You not only feel entitled to free childcare, but also feel entitled to other people’s money.

What a walking stereotype you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

I can assure you, their parents are not counting on any help seeing how inept and fragile these people are. It’s laughable to think that you can’t handle your own children but somehow will be of any use in elder care. Kids are a piece of cake compared to the elderly.

Little kids are much harder. What planet are you from?

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More entitled millennials bashing their parents. It's so tiresome.

- Young Gen X.

Exactly.

- Mid Gen X

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do grandparents owe their children and grandchildren anything? Yes, it would be great if they could help out but some of your are downright entitled. You think your parents still owe you their time and effort? How messed up is that?

Why do we owe you Social security or medicare?

The average boomer never paid enough into those systems, which is why they're going broke.

God, what a brat you are. GROW UP.

-working full time, not a Boomer, on neither SS nor Medicare, so don’t bother with your predictable childish retort