Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This is definitely the third factor, together with GP’s selfishness and delaying childbearing until the GPs are plain too old. These three factors are not at play together but they will be the ruin of the traditional America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomer grandparents don’t even want to get to know their grandchildren and it is very sad. They benefitted from a village of support to raise children and now have the attitude that we need to pull ourselves up all by ourselves.

They are the most selfish generation.

Grandparents don't need to provide free childcare to know their grandchildren.

Millennials have the market cornered on selfish. "Help me raise my kids or I won't help you in your old age." "Don't go on vacation during your hard earned retirement, I need help with my kids. While you are with my kids you must do things my way or you will never be around them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

[Anonymous]

My boomer in laws visited my 11 yr old 2x. Never attended any events, birthdays, baptism, etc. no interest in getting to know her or visiting. If we don’t visit, it doesn’t happen.

Meanwhile both sets of their parents were around, watching their kids when they were little.

Sadly my husband thought grandparents were going to be like the ones he had growing up. His parents are completely opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomers are too busy and galavanting around on vacations to help their kids and grand kids, sad. Another example of boomer selfishness on top of the wealth taking and focusing younger generations to find their lifestyles, sad.

https://www.foxnews.com/media/millennials-feel-abandoned-parents-available-help-raise-grandkids-busy.amp

Millennials are stunningly entitled and feel like the world revolves around them, sad. They think their elderly parents owe them free babysitting, sad. When they don’t get free babysitting/renovated houses/etc they whine endlessly about how very, very tough their lives are.

Happy for the therapists they’re paying big bucks to listen to the whining. But for them: sad.

LOL and agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

I bet this PP is an immigrant or a second gen American.
And this is why they will rise to the top in a matter of a generation or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

How much did they make per year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

My immigrant parents tell me that many of their friends who are in this situation are feeling abused by their kids and the amount of work they demanding the grandparents do to take care of the household while they are out working.

DP. They are free to go live on their own, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

Does that make you entitled to your parent's help?

Boomers didn't buy new all the time. A hole in your pants, or sock? Get out the needle and thread. Take care of things so they last. That $3k car - how long did they have it? They had one car, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a multi-gen household and I have inbuilt childcare. DH and I, also pay for a part-time nanny so that my ILs do not get tired or are tied down. The fact that my ILs keep an eye on the nanny and other domestic staff (cleaners, part-time cook, yard maintenance) means that I can continue with having a life, my career, time with my kids and vacations.

My suggestion would be to live in a multi-gen family and you will have help for childcare, eldercare, pet care, plant care, home maintenance, socialization and running of the household and life.

I am sure that is completely unacceptable to the self-centered American millennials.

Lady you are talking about domestic staff. Kindly STFU. You have oodles of funds to have a multi-gen household function for all parties.

Ooodles of funds happen because of "Pooled Resources", you brain-dead crybaby! And that not only saves everyone money, but we are able to have a good standard of living for a fraction of cost.

My ILs and us are jointly maintaining only one household. They are the alloparents for my kids. We can easily put money towards outsourcing so that all of us can live a better and comfortable lifestyle because of this lifestyle choice.
Let me share a secret with you, this is how generational wealth is created.

You guys are unhappy and poor and will remain so! You expect your boomer parents to help you? It will never happen in a million years because all of you have normalized the dysfunction of your own family life and culture. You are not even open to copy what works for others because self-centeredness is in your fiber. Further, you all lack the EQ and intelligence to make a multi-gen family a viable solution for you. Heck, how many of you will have even your marriage survive in the next 10 years?

I bet this PP is an immigrant or a second gen American.
And this is why they will rise to the top in a matter of a generation or two.

And then back down again like all the generations before them. Nobody stays on top. They will be fully assimilated in mainstream American culture by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

Does that make you entitled to your parent's help?

Boomers didn't buy new all the time. A hole in your pants, or sock? Get out the needle and thread. Take care of things so they last. That $3k car - how long did they have it? They had one car, too.

DP. My Boomer parents have never, in my lifetime, had fewer than three cars for the two of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.

Cost of living and home prices back then were in a completely different league than today.

+1

In 1965, one could buy a house in the Northeast for about $30k. A new car was about $3k. What do you think those comparables cost now?

Does that make you entitled to your parent's help?

Boomers didn't buy new all the time. A hole in your pants, or sock? Get out the needle and thread. Take care of things so they last. That $3k car - how long did they have it? They had one car, too.

DP. My Boomer parents have never, in my lifetime, had fewer than three cars for the two of them.

What is your parents' net worth? I think some of you crying about your boomer parents are really out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Taking care of kids is one of the joys of a parents life. It only lasts 17 years. It’s hard but that’s why you do it when you’re young and physically/ mentally at your strongest .

But people wait until their late 30s and then they are too old and their parents are too old too so it becomes untenable
I say this as someone who became a mom at 34 and I think I waited too long

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomers are too busy and galavanting around on vacations to help their kids and grand kids, sad. Another example of boomer selfishness on top of the wealth taking and focusing younger generations to find their lifestyles, sad.

https://www.foxnews.com/media/millennials-feel-abandoned-parents-available-help-raise-grandkids-busy.amp

When my husband's DIL wanted us to move to their state to be closer to their child aka babysitting whenever she needed it no questions asked, I told her what she told me, it's YOUR child, raise it yourself. BOOM her.
Younger people have a lot of nerve. Like thinking we're only here to make their lives easier. There's help and then there's taking advantage. Then the little shits turn on you. Disrespectful punks. They sure know who to call when they need money.

They aren’t your grandkids by blood so of course why would you care