Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to have to ask my father for money to buy his birthday present.

I would never be reduced to needing someone (like a daddy) to support me. That does not feel like being an independent adult to me. That is just baked into my (female) DNA.

You can be a SAHM (or SAHD) in a healthy relationship where that is not the case. My husband's money is OUR money and always has been. Just like if I made less than him (or I made more than him) our money was always pooled together jointly, we never kept separate "his and hers" bank accounts. It works for us.
Been SAHM for 20+ years, manage our finances and never felt as if I was slighted for "not having an income"

+1 I'm a SAHM and my husband asks me before he spends money. We both agree that I'm just better with shopping and budgeting. We both have access to all accounts, and neither of us asks each other for permission to buy small stuff.

That’s just stupid. I am a woman and would never ask a spouse whether I can spend my money. What a dysfunctional relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly don’t understand why anyone would make babies with someone they don’t trust.

PP.

^ This is the sort of optimism I’m talking about.

Do you mean you’re optimistic when you make those babies? Or is it only the money for you?

Seriously, the having kids with someone is what ties you to them. You can always get a divorce, or another job, or a different house, but you can’t change who the father of your offspring is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly don’t understand why anyone would make babies with someone they don’t trust.

PP.

^ This is the sort of optimism I’m talking about.

Do you mean you’re optimistic when you make those babies? Or is it only the money for you?

Seriously, the having kids with someone is what ties you to them. You can always get a divorce, or another job, or a different house, but you can’t change who the father of your offspring is.

(DP.) The optimism that trust is never misplaced or broken. The optimism that we can always have perfect judgment or foresight about another person. You got lucky. So far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly don’t understand why anyone would make babies with someone they don’t trust.

PP.

^ This is the sort of optimism I’m talking about.

Do you mean you’re optimistic when you make those babies? Or is it only the money for you?

Seriously, the having kids with someone is what ties you to them. You can always get a divorce, or another job, or a different house, but you can’t change who the father of your offspring is.

(DP.) The optimism that trust is never misplaced or broken. The optimism that we can always have perfect judgment or foresight about another person. You got lucky. So far.

DP here. There's some truth to this, but some people are also better at picking spouses and staying attuned to the dynamics. It has a lot to do with how you were both raised. I'm not one of those people unfortunately.

There's also an element of risk acceptance to it. At the end of the day, would you rather gamble that you either stay with your high earning spouse and/or enough wealth is accrued by the time you divorce, or would you rather take the risk that you work unnecessarily and have a more chaotic day-to-day life for the whole family just in case you divorce at an inopportune time? There's no right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly don’t understand why anyone would make babies with someone they don’t trust.

PP.

^ This is the sort of optimism I’m talking about.

Do you mean you’re optimistic when you make those babies? Or is it only the money for you?

Seriously, the having kids with someone is what ties you to them. You can always get a divorce, or another job, or a different house, but you can’t change who the father of your offspring is.

(DP.) The optimism that trust is never misplaced or broken. The optimism that we can always have perfect judgment or foresight about another person. You got lucky. So far.

DP here. There's some truth to this, but some people are also better at picking spouses and staying attuned to the dynamics. It has a lot to do with how you were both raised. I'm not one of those people unfortunately.

There's also an element of risk acceptance to it. At the end of the day, would you rather gamble that you either stay with your high earning spouse and/or enough wealth is accrued by the time you divorce, or would you rather take the risk that you work unnecessarily and have a more chaotic day-to-day life for the whole family just in case you divorce at an inopportune time? There's no right answer.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to have to ask my father for money to buy his birthday present.

I would never be reduced to needing someone (like a daddy) to support me. That does not feel like being an independent adult to me. That is just baked into my (female) DNA.

You can be a SAHM (or SAHD) in a healthy relationship where that is not the case. My husband's money is OUR money and always has been. Just like if I made less than him (or I made more than him) our money was always pooled together jointly, we never kept separate "his and hers" bank accounts. It works for us.
Been SAHM for 20+ years, manage our finances and never felt as if I was slighted for "not having an income"

+1 I'm a SAHM and my husband asks me before he spends money. We both agree that I'm just better with shopping and budgeting. We both have access to all accounts, and neither of us asks each other for permission to buy small stuff.

That’s just stupid. I am a woman and would never ask a spouse whether I can spend my money. What a dysfunctional relationship.

DP: No, it sounds like the SAHM knows the budget that they both agreed upon and the DH is asking whether they can afford x. He's just offloading the work of managing their household budget to her and what he gives up by not having to keep that in mind is that for larger purchases he checks in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to have to ask my father for money to buy his birthday present.

I would never be reduced to needing someone (like a daddy) to support me. That does not feel like being an independent adult to me. That is just baked into my (female) DNA.

You can be a SAHM (or SAHD) in a healthy relationship where that is not the case. My husband's money is OUR money and always has been. Just like if I made less than him (or I made more than him) our money was always pooled together jointly, we never kept separate "his and hers" bank accounts. It works for us.
Been SAHM for 20+ years, manage our finances and never felt as if I was slighted for "not having an income"

+1 I'm a SAHM and my husband asks me before he spends money. We both agree that I'm just better with shopping and budgeting. We both have access to all accounts, and neither of us asks each other for permission to buy small stuff.

That’s just stupid. I am a woman and would never ask a spouse whether I can spend my money. What a dysfunctional relationship.

Not dysfunctional. They're a team. One of them is good with budgeting and shopping. It's normal to consult a spouse about purchases and how/whether they fit into a budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

Not a 200k DC job. It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job. Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about. A 200k job is not one of those.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. Mainly because -
- Good retirement.
- For kids - paid for college and other help.
- Good marriage
- I have simple tastes, I do not have FOMO, I am not on social media.
- Life did not throw us a curveball.
- Enough for all needs and some wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

Not a 200k DC job. It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job. Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about. A 200k job is not one of those.

Many of the most interesting careers are not necessarily the highest paid. UMC status obsessed DC urbanites are so tiresome. these are the only group of boring drone people I have ever met who have no interest in someone if they don’t exceed a certain income. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

Not a 200k DC job. It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job. Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about. A 200k job is not one of those.

Many of the most interesting careers are not necessarily the highest paid. UMC status obsessed DC urbanites are so tiresome. these are the only group of boring drone people I have ever met who have no interest in someone if they don’t exceed a certain income. Sheesh.

Perhaps but very few people are interested in hearing about your job, and your job doesn’t make you interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

Not a 200k DC job. It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job. Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about. A 200k job is not one of those.

Many of the most interesting careers are not necessarily the highest paid. UMC status obsessed DC urbanites are so tiresome. these are the only group of boring drone people I have ever met who have no interest in someone if they don’t exceed a certain income. Sheesh.

Perhaps but very few people are interested in hearing about your job, and your job doesn’t make you interesting.

US senators make less than $200K. The lack of intellectual curiosity among status obsessed DCUMs is breathtaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

Not a 200k DC job. It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job. Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about. A 200k job is not one of those.

+1 I don't want to hear about anyone's job. So boring and then the person is just talking about themselves. It's better to chat about topics where everyone can chime in. It's so DC to yammer on about your self-important role in some position no one else cares about. It's just a way for people to assess your social status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures, and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am.

This post is depressing. It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures. What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety. Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially. You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government. Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of. You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you? You think you could never be gainfully employed again? The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety. A high net worth but can’t ever relax. One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry. She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer. No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. Careers make people more interesting, IME.

Not a 200k DC job. It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job. Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about. A 200k job is not one of those.

Many of the most interesting careers are not necessarily the highest paid. UMC status obsessed DC urbanites are so tiresome. these are the only group of boring drone people I have ever met who have no interest in someone if they don’t exceed a certain income. Sheesh.

Perhaps but very few people are interested in hearing about your job, and your job doesn’t make you interesting.

+1