Reply to Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it’s sounds like we are strikingly similar. Maybe I can help?

[b]DH and I are worth $5M+, he makes 7 figures,[/b] and let’s just say he pays more in taxes than I make (and I’m a $200K+ MD/JD/MBA type.) I still work, and I have deep financial anxiety. I question if being a SAHM is for me, but the thought of making myself [b]dependent on another human being is truly terrifying.[/b]

I do talk about it with my therapist. It’s multi-layered, but starts with some real inter generational trauma of having grandmothers and aunts who were financially abused by their spouses (and physically abused to boot). While it never happened to my mother, I do think people truly underestimate how traumatizing it is to watch a woman be trapped in a marriage and *not be able to get out*. It’s like someone who grows up poor – it never really leaves you. I’ve also worked incredibly hard for my career, and while I have moments of wanting to say eff this, I do love having an identity outside of wife and mother, and I love having my own money. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take on a bigger career when my children are older (maybe high school?), or if I’ll just want to throw in the towel and become a lady of leisure who’s sits on charity boards. My solution for now is a highly flexible, work from home job + nanny.

One final note – I have noticed that generally women who become stay at home moms tend to have a higher financial risk appetite naturally. Clearly, I’ve got my own anxiety so I’m not a bellwether, but I have observed this sort of eternal financial and marital optimism in them. Even in the face of talks about divorce and job loss. Good for them; I wish them well. It’s just not who I am. [/quote]

This post is depressing.  It seems sad to spend so many hours working a boring paper pushing 200k job when your husband is earning 7 figures.  What a waste of opportunity.

I’d try to get help for anxiety.  Technically every single person is dependent on someone else financially.  You’re dependent on your employer, his employer and the federal government.  Working a 200k job is a false sense of security.

I would try to identify what you’re actually scared of.  You think with 5 million you’d need to go on food stamps and live in the projects if he left you?  You think you could never be gainfully employed again?   The anxiety you have is unreasonable and unfounded.

My own mother has extreme financial anxiety.  A high net worth but can’t ever relax.  One day I asked her how many more millions she needs to not worry.  She couldn’t answer my question because there isn’t an answer.  No amount of money will help her stop worrying about money.  [/quote]

She said she loves having an identity outside being a wife and mother and that she's worked hard for her career. I don't think her situation sounds sad at all. She make a lot of money and her husband makes a ton. They probably have lots to talk about with their respective careers. I've never considered SAH but I do think, if I did that, DH and I might relate to each other less and have less to talk about. [b]Careers make people more interesting, IME[/b].[/quote]

Not a 200k DC job.  It means OP is a paper pusher and has a BS job.  Very few people have truly interesting jobs that other care about.  A 200k job is not one of those.  [/quote]

+1 I don't want to hear about anyone's job. So boring and then the person is just talking about themselves. It's better to chat about topics where everyone can chime in. It's so DC to yammer on about your self-important role in some position no one else cares about. It's just a way for people to assess your social status.[/quote]

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