Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Has OP clarified how far away the cousin lives? Like, is her house a 15 minute drive or is it more like an hour from the beach house?

She lives 30min away.

Her brother owns a beach house across the street. I asked her to stay there this year but she argued that we wouldn’t get to see each other this year bc the baby naps twice a day. I found this to be a little ridiculous but also I’m not here to argue with a new mom or tell her how she was “wrong”. We had the the bedroom so despite being worried about so many bodies and her previous years of enjoying the beach and not pitching in.

She's wrong because she wants her 1 year old to nap twice a day?

No, of course not. But her brother lives across the street. Why can’t she leave the baby sleeping w her working husband for an hour to sit with us at the porch? Why can’t we go join her there? Why would three hours of napping in a day mean “I can’t stay across the street because it will result in me never seeing you.” Why can’t the baby come here and nap? I have no idea. Her argument that she HAS to stay with us seemed super confusing to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Has OP clarified how far away the cousin lives? Like, is her house a 15 minute drive or is it more like an hour from the beach house?

She lives 30min away.

Her brother owns a beach house across the street. I asked her to stay there this year but she argued that we wouldn’t get to see each other this year bc the baby naps twice a day. I found this to be a little ridiculous but also I’m not here to argue with a new mom or tell her how she was “wrong”. We had the the bedroom so despite being worried about so many bodies and her previous years of enjoying the beach and not pitching in.

So your way of parenting is the right way for it!

[Anonymous]

If cousin is local, why can't her DH work from home?
How odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If cousin is local, why can't her DH work from home?
How odd.

I don't understand why people are focusing on this, this is a relatively minor issue. He can work there if he wants it's just that he can't expect them to keep the kids quiet if he chooses to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. My husband is totally at his wits end as well. The husbands are in the mix too. There seems to be a view that there is like chaos here and I’m too high strung or relax and our DHs aren’t involved. Everyone is doing their part. My deep frustration is that everyone has to vaguely move the ball forward. You can’t do literally nothing.

The one thing my DH thinks is that this cousin is generally sort of…limited. Like he as pointed to a few examples of her meltdowns or inability to function in normal ways. So then yes as some have mentioned, I definitely have thought, is this years and years of depression? And if it is, do I hold space for the week of my vacation doing extra dishes and taking into consideration her dietary needs when I cook? Bc she is sick? And that’s how you hold loving space for someone? Or is it like, actually I can’t speculate on your health, you’re making me miserable, stay with your brother if you’re here or stay home 30min away and drive in to the beach. The minute I draw my boundary I think she’s going to blow up. I’m 5% scared of her.

So what was your husband doing that he couldn't help you put sunscreen on the kids, get them to the bathroom or give them a snack?

[Anonymous]

Cousin is seeking a vacation from doing everything and expects OP as host to wait on her. Cousin is even insisting on staying even though she lives only 30 minutes away and has a family beach house across the street. Cousin has basically invited herself along.

I would simply tell her that you understand how it’s nice to have a vacation where you don’t need to cook, clean and others pitch in to help with your baby while you kick back and relax. What you don’t understand is that me and friend X do not enjoy cooking for you, constantly cleaning up after you, and pitching to help with your baby while you never reciprocate. This is our vacation too. Next year you need to stay at your own house.

[Anonymous]

Cousin owns the house across the street and still insists that you “host” her? Yes OP is the hostess/ invitee of this group. It’s obviously not working. The cousin sounds depressed and depressing. She wants to have a vacation from her life: the baby the laundry the meals. Pretty tough on the rest with 5 kids to manage. No I’m not the OP but have stayed at plenty of beach houses. Wouldn’t invite cousin again but you can expect there will be a big blow up. WTH? She has two houses??

[Anonymous]

honestly, OP, it sounds from your follow-up posts that you don't REALLY plan on doing anything. You need to be an adult who respects your own time/peace of mind/hard-earned vacation time and speak your mind! And do it now so by next summer it's sorted. Let her get mad and pouty and pissy. But I'm actually willing to bet money you won't and you'll continue to sacrifice your happiness in order not to create waves. Any reasonably mature person would hear your suggestions to "stay at your brother's" and think "huh, maybe they don't want me to stay here." But cousin is clearly purposely obtuse. Be crystal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Has OP clarified how far away the cousin lives? Like, is her house a 15 minute drive or is it more like an hour from the beach house?

She lives 30min away.

Her brother owns a beach house across the street. I asked her to stay there this year but she argued that we wouldn’t get to see each other this year bc the baby naps twice a day. I found this to be a little ridiculous but also I’m not here to argue with a new mom or tell her how she was “wrong”. We had the the bedroom so despite being worried about so many bodies and her previous years of enjoying the beach and not pitching in.

She's wrong because she wants her 1 year old to nap twice a day?

No, of course not. But her brother lives across the street. Why can’t she leave the baby sleeping w her working husband for an hour to sit with us at the porch? Why can’t we go join her there? Why would three hours of napping in a day mean “I can’t stay across the street because it will result in me never seeing you.” Why can’t the baby come here and nap? I have no idea. Her argument that she HAS to stay with us seemed super confusing to me

Ignore her illegitimate rationales and insist she stay across the street, period. Also mention you'll only be cooking for your own group next time, unless she's willing to chip in. Don't think she has any obligation to help with your kids though. She has one newborn, isn't familiar with little kid routines yet.

[Anonymous]

This cousin sounds like a nightmare

[Anonymous]

Tell your cousin that after this year, you’ve come to realization that spending a week with so many young children together in one house is too stressful of a vacation for you so you’re discontinuing the annual beach week tradition next year. Tell her you’d still love to see her and her family, but just for a day, and that you’ll be in touch with her so the two of you can plan a time to get together.

Maybe she’ll be as relieved as you to end this tradition.

[Anonymous]

I just read this whole thread and am shook by the responses projecting and blaming OP. At the end of the day, this is OP's parents place that she has access too and has no obligation to keep inviting the friend. No way would I put up with this bs. If you can't be considerate, don't vacation with others. Basic AF.

[Anonymous]

We addressed this by spinning off sub houses. Do not invite her to your colony. Rent out the house or let someone else use it those weeks.

[Anonymous]

Op I now own a beach house and have done many a grip vacay. If she eats, she has to cook too. If she drinks from the cooler, she has to pack it. No you do not do her laundry.

I am a terrible cook so on my nights I would treat to dinner out. Least one can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I now own a beach house and have done many a grip vacay. If she eats, she has to cook too. If she drinks from the cooler, she has to pack it. No you do not do her laundry.

I am a terrible cook so on my nights I would treat to dinner out. Least one can do.

Exactly. Order pizza ffs.