Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t we seen this same thread pop up several times now?

Starting to think they are all started by the same troll.

I was thinking the same. Weight changes. I think he said 100lbs once. Not divorcing because of the kids, they get along otherwise....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing to consider: men are notoriously bad at guessing women's weight. I honestly think it correlates with how he feels about her. Op is calling his wife obese, saying she is 40 lbs overweight. I bet she's maybe 20-25 lbs over her optimal, which is not nothing, but wouldn't matter to a man who loves his wife unconditionally. I believe op is trying to justify eventually cheating on her. He's making her the bad guy where there really isn't an issue.

You're like Trump - there must be voter cheating if they vote against me. But the cheated votes may well go the other way!

Say men are bad at guessing women's weight. So it may as well we 60 pounds, not 20!

No, when a man loves a woman, he'll guess her weight between 99lbs (for short women) and 125lbs (for tall women). When the man has a problem with the lady, he'll guess high: 145+ for short, 200+ for tall.

To test my theory: go ask your dh to guess your weight. Report back here with:
1-What he guessed
2- your actual weight and height
3- the health of your relationship

I'll go first:
1-120
2-140/ 5'7"
3-Happily married 25 years and get along nicely.

Another data point

1. 130
2. 138/5’4”
3. Doing OK

Thanks for responding. Anyone else?

1. 115
2. 122/ 5’3
3. Good, not great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s 280, she’s a lady!

Didn't follow the thread responses, but if she is 40lbs overweight and short, hence obese pre op... Her normal weight range would be up to 130lbs, maybe 140. So she is 180 tops, hardly heavy in the USA!

I have been following. It’s a comment that me and my friends make about women that are a little “thick or curvy.” There’s nothing wrong with curves. If she’s too beefy, I’m not into it. That’s what makes the world go round. There’s someone for everyone. I was not put on this earth to judge.

[Anonymous]

OP is riding subway in NYC(if it is open) and drinking coffee from her new perch.

[Anonymous]

As a guy if wife went from 110-150 or 120-170 I wouldn’t really care. If she went from 120 to 250 then there might be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He didn’t say that he lost sexual desire. In fact, he says that part of their relationship is “ok.”
He just says that he feels disgusted. He can choose to feel a different feeling.

This must be the difference between men and women . He feels "disgusted" by her, yet he is still able to get it up to have sex with her? As a woman, I can't have sex with a man who disgusts me.

[Anonymous]

She is depressed and doesn’t care about her appearance or what you think. Work on that with her first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

Or better yet, you take the kids from after dinner until bedtime 3-5 days a week and tell her to do what she wants for a few hours.

Sounds like what she wants is to eat sweets and drink wine. Bet there is a lot of TV too.

How do you know he doesn’t “take the kids?”

Sounds like the kids are older in any case.

[Anonymous]

Food addicts are gross. As I write this my 50 pound overweight MIL is down here an hour after breakfast "secretly" chomping on chips in the kitchen. She's probably eaten half the bag already. My wife has had numerous conversations with her over the years and she's starting to have a lot of health problems from her food addiction (blood pressure, cholesterol, difficulty getting up and down stairs because she is so heavy and she's only 60!).

All the people saying "talk to her" "help her" etc. either have never been fat, never known a fat person/food addict, or are living in la la land. Just like an alcoholic, the food addict needs to admit their problem, take responsibility for it, and make a major life change.

OP, it's hopeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Food addicts are gross. As I write this my 50 pound overweight MIL is down here an hour after breakfast "secretly" chomping on chips in the kitchen. She's probably eaten half the bag already. My wife has had numerous conversations with her over the years and she's starting to have a lot of health problems from her food addiction (blood pressure, cholesterol, difficulty getting up and down stairs because she is so heavy and she's only 60!).

All the people saying "talk to her" "help her" etc. either have never been fat, never known a fat person/food addict, or are living in la la land. Just like an alcoholic, the food addict needs to admit their problem, take responsibility for it, and make a major life change.

OP, it's hopeless.

What’s disgusting in that house is you.

One human calling another human disgusting is inexcusable in my book.

[Anonymous]

I would check in with your DW's mom or sister to let them know you are worried about her health, and then you can also see if they have any insight. They might be better able to bring up the health implications in a sensitive, supportive manner than you at this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Food addicts are gross. As I write this my 50 pound overweight MIL is down here an hour after breakfast "secretly" chomping on chips in the kitchen. She's probably eaten half the bag already. My wife has had numerous conversations with her over the years and she's starting to have a lot of health problems from her food addiction (blood pressure, cholesterol, difficulty getting up and down stairs because she is so heavy and she's only 60!).

All the people saying "talk to her" "help her" etc. either have never been fat, never known a fat person/food addict, or are living in la la land. Just like an alcoholic, the food addict needs to admit their problem, take responsibility for it, and make a major life change.

OP, it's hopeless.

What’s disgusting in that house is you.

One human calling another human disgusting is inexcusable in my book.

First, I said gross, not disgusting. Second, yes, it's gross to literally stuff hand fulls of greasy chips down your throat hiding in a corner every morning and afternoon. It's like a heroine user shooting up in my kitchen

[Anonymous]

I am that wife. I eat because of stress. Our child is having issues. I used to be thin and active, but am borderline depressed now. It is not fun. I wish I could be who I used to be.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the kindest and most effective way to do this is to set an example with your own health/fitness, and if she’s the one cooking the dinners, to ask for healthier meals. Frame any discussions about weight or health around your own “journey”, and hopefully she will either be inspired or get the hint.

Dream on........

[Anonymous]

My sister has easily gained 100 lbs over her 20 yr marriage. We both used to be very petite approx 5’2’’ 110 lbs. I worry about her health, but she seems to cook and eat in access to spite her husband. She also claims her size is genetic. We are both in our late 40s.