Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the kindest and most effective way to do this is to set an example with your own health/fitness, and if she’s the one cooking the dinners, to ask for healthier meals. Frame any discussions about weight or health around your own “journey”, and hopefully she will either be inspired or get the hint.

Dream on........

Didn’t you read OP post. He is a healthy weight and exercises

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Food addicts are gross. As I write this my 50 pound overweight MIL is down here an hour after breakfast "secretly" chomping on chips in the kitchen. She's probably eaten half the bag already. My wife has had numerous conversations with her over the years and she's starting to have a lot of health problems from her food addiction (blood pressure, cholesterol, difficulty getting up and down stairs because she is so heavy and she's only 60!).

All the people saying "talk to her" "help her" etc. either have never been fat, never known a fat person/food addict, or are living in la la land. Just like an alcoholic, the food addict needs to admit their problem, take responsibility for it, and make a major life change.

OP, it's hopeless.

What’s disgusting in that house is you.

One human calling another human disgusting is inexcusable in my book.

First, I said gross, not disgusting. Second, yes, it's gross to literally stuff hand fulls of greasy chips down your throat hiding in a corner every morning and afternoon. It's like a heroine user shooting up in my kitchen

DP. In your house, you are the vile one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He didn’t say that he lost sexual desire. In fact, he says that part of their relationship is “ok.”
He just says that he feels disgusted. He can choose to feel a different feeling.

This must be the difference between men and women . He feels "disgusted" by her, yet he is still able to get it up to have sex with her? As a woman, I can't have sex with a man who disgusts me.

He never said they are having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the kindest and most effective way to do this is to set an example with your own health/fitness, and if she’s the one cooking the dinners, to ask for healthier meals. Frame any discussions about weight or health around your own “journey”, and hopefully she will either be inspired or get the hint.

No. If you burden her with new requirements for the dinners she prepares, she will resent that. You start cooking and you make healthier meals, which she would probably appreciate. Don’t tell her the new healthy lifestyle is about helping her control her weight. Tell her you just want to give her a break and help out with the cooking - unless she really enjoys cooking, which means you’re probably not going to change her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He didn’t say that he lost sexual desire. In fact, he says that part of their relationship is “ok.”
He just says that he feels disgusted. He can choose to feel a different feeling.

This must be the difference between men and women . He feels "disgusted" by her, yet he is still able to get it up to have sex with her? As a woman, I can't have sex with a man who disgusts me.

He never said they are having sex.

He said that everything else in their relationship is ok. I think for most men that includes sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He didn’t say that he lost sexual desire. In fact, he says that part of their relationship is “ok.”
He just says that he feels disgusted. He can choose to feel a different feeling.

This must be the difference between men and women . He feels "disgusted" by her, yet he is still able to get it up to have sex with her? As a woman, I can't have sex with a man who disgusts me.

Woman here. My husband has told me before that he is not attracted to me, but he is still “sexually” attracted to me. I can’t really even comprehend what that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the kindest and most effective way to do this is to set an example with your own health/fitness, and if she’s the one cooking the dinners, to ask for healthier meals. Frame any discussions about weight or health around your own “journey”, and hopefully she will either be inspired or get the hint.

No. If you burden her with new requirements for the dinners she prepares, she will resent that. You start cooking and you make healthier meals, which she would probably appreciate. Don’t tell her the new healthy lifestyle is about helping her control her weight. Tell her you just want to give her a break and help out with the cooking - unless she really enjoys cooking, which means you’re probably not going to change her.

This is so passive aggressive. Don’t try to trick your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's drinking a lot of wine, that is the main issue. It affects liver health and starts a cascade of hormonal issues. It also prevents restorative sleep, which leads to poor blood sugar control and over eating. I'd start by asking her to stop drinking.

I would like to read more about this. Can you provide a link? Especially the wine > liver > hormones piece.

Happy to explain a little more:

Alcohol is a poison and is metabolized in the liver. The liver also assists in metabolism of nutrients from food (proteins, sugars, fats). Over time too much alcohol taxes the liver and in fact changes the structure of the liver. Your liver can no longer work as well within the digestive system to metabolism and absorb essential nutrients (which is why some really severe alcoholics die of malnutrition). If you’re consuming food but not absorbing the nutrients efficiently your body is going to drive you to eat more to get those missing nutrients.

Additionally alcohol prevents the body from going into a deep, restorative sleep, which causes a person to consume more calories for energy during the day to make up for the fatigue they’re feeling. Insulin, cortisol both go up. Blood sugar goes up but it doesn’t get used efficiently because over time your body becomes less and less sensitive to insulin. Your body will produce more and pump out more but that also stimulates hunger.

Alcohol itself provides a dense amount of calories per gram.

I think the OPs wife could probably lose a significant amount of weight if she stopped drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Food addicts are gross. As I write this my 50 pound overweight MIL is down here an hour after breakfast "secretly" chomping on chips in the kitchen. She's probably eaten half the bag already. My wife has had numerous conversations with her over the years and she's starting to have a lot of health problems from her food addiction (blood pressure, cholesterol, difficulty getting up and down stairs because she is so heavy and she's only 60!).

All the people saying "talk to her" "help her" etc. either have never been fat, never known a fat person/food addict, or are living in la la land. Just like an alcoholic, the food addict needs to admit their problem, take responsibility for it, and make a major life change.

OP, it's hopeless.

laughing, I just can't relate to this. I am 60 and raising my teenagers (19, 18, 16). They keep me in shape -- I run with my 2 oldest. (They slow down for me!) I have to eat healthy as I am still their example and influence on good nutrition. Protein smoothies every morning. If they want junk food they have to buy it themselves from their allowance or part-time job. I don't keep it in the house -- too tempting.

[Anonymous]

Weight gain is complex and yes linked to hormones. The more overweight you are, the more your hormones work against losing weight. We live in a world of giant portions, drive thru style eating, sugar in everything and for many, high stress with low satisfaction in life. All of this leads to the growing obesity issue.

This does not mean it's OP,s fault or responsibility to fix. He can support his wife's decision to lose weight, which takes a lot of work, but no amount of taking on more chores or look g healthy food will help unless she is committed to losing weight and educated about changing habits. That's when his suppoo and encouragement is key. And while I get that bearing children and high stress jobs/,lives,/kids can make it hard , eating crap and overeating and overdrinking are poor coping mechanisms and set poor examples. I know all this because I struggle too with it. It's really hard and it's hard on a marriage. But there should be room.for.a.spouse to express concern (not disgust) empathy and offer support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weight gain is complex and yes linked to hormones. The more overweight you are, the more your hormones work against losing weight. We live in a world of giant portions, drive thru style eating, sugar in everything and for many, high stress with low satisfaction in life. All of this leads to the growing obesity issue.

This does not mean it's OP,s fault or responsibility to fix. He can support his wife's decision to lose weight, which takes a lot of work, but no amount of taking on more chores or look g healthy food will help unless she is committed to losing weight and educated about changing habits. That's when his suppoo and encouragement is key. And while I get that bearing children and high stress jobs/,lives,/kids can make it hard , eating crap and overeating and overdrinking are poor coping mechanisms and set poor examples. I know all this because I struggle too with it. It's really hard and it's hard on a marriage. But there should be room.for.a.spouse to express concern (not disgust) empathy and offer support.

If I hear one more stupid hormone excuse I’m going to explode! Please stop already. All it boils down to is the desire and will power. Calories in calories out! At almost 60 I still have a kickass body. Why? Because I want it! Gym gym gym and a little restraint ffs. I’m no different than any other woman on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weight gain is complex and yes linked to hormones. The more overweight you are, the more your hormones work against losing weight. We live in a world of giant portions, drive thru style eating, sugar in everything and for many, high stress with low satisfaction in life. All of this leads to the growing obesity issue.

This does not mean it's OP,s fault or responsibility to fix. He can support his wife's decision to lose weight, which takes a lot of work, but no amount of taking on more chores or look g healthy food will help unless she is committed to losing weight and educated about changing habits. That's when his suppoo and encouragement is key. And while I get that bearing children and high stress jobs/,lives,/kids can make it hard , eating crap and overeating and overdrinking are poor coping mechanisms and set poor examples. I know all this because I struggle too with it. It's really hard and it's hard on a marriage. But there should be room.for.a.spouse to express concern (not disgust) empathy and offer support.

If I hear one more stupid hormone excuse I’m going to explode! Please stop already. All it boils down to is the desire and will power. Calories in calories out! At almost 60 I still have a kickass body. Why? Because I want it! Gym gym gym and a little restraint ffs. I’m no different than any other woman on the planet.

Sounds like you have a buttload of support if you are getting to the gym all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weight gain is complex and yes linked to hormones. The more overweight you are, the more your hormones work against losing weight. We live in a world of giant portions, drive thru style eating, sugar in everything and for many, high stress with low satisfaction in life. All of this leads to the growing obesity issue.

This does not mean it's OP,s fault or responsibility to fix. He can support his wife's decision to lose weight, which takes a lot of work, but no amount of taking on more chores or look g healthy food will help unless she is committed to losing weight and educated about changing habits. That's when his suppoo and encouragement is key. And while I get that bearing children and high stress jobs/,lives,/kids can make it hard , eating crap and overeating and overdrinking are poor coping mechanisms and set poor examples. I know all this because I struggle too with it. It's really hard and it's hard on a marriage. But there should be room.for.a.spouse to express concern (not disgust) empathy and offer support.

If I hear one more stupid hormone excuse I’m going to explode! Please stop already. All it boils down to is the desire and will power. Calories in calories out! At almost 60 I still have a kickass body. Why? Because I want it! Gym gym gym and a little restraint ffs. I’m no different than any other woman on the planet.

Some people just refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weight gain is complex and yes linked to hormones. The more overweight you are, the more your hormones work against losing weight. We live in a world of giant portions, drive thru style eating, sugar in everything and for many, high stress with low satisfaction in life. All of this leads to the growing obesity issue.

This does not mean it's OP,s fault or responsibility to fix. He can support his wife's decision to lose weight, which takes a lot of work, but no amount of taking on more chores or look g healthy food will help unless she is committed to losing weight and educated about changing habits. That's when his suppoo and encouragement is key. And while I get that bearing children and high stress jobs/,lives,/kids can make it hard , eating crap and overeating and overdrinking are poor coping mechanisms and set poor examples. I know all this because I struggle too with it. It's really hard and it's hard on a marriage. But there should be room.for.a.spouse to express concern (not disgust) empathy and offer support.

If I hear one more stupid hormone excuse I’m going to explode! Please stop already. All it boils down to is the desire and will power. Calories in calories out! At almost 60 I still have a kickass body. Why? Because I want it! Gym gym gym and a little restraint ffs. I’m no different than any other woman on the planet.

If you explode, do we no longer have to listen to your unscientific drivel?

If so I have a lot of discussion about hormones for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Food addicts are gross. As I write this my 50 pound overweight MIL is down here an hour after breakfast "secretly" chomping on chips in the kitchen. She's probably eaten half the bag already. My wife has had numerous conversations with her over the years and she's starting to have a lot of health problems from her food addiction (blood pressure, cholesterol, difficulty getting up and down stairs because she is so heavy and she's only 60!).

All the people saying "talk to her" "help her" etc. either have never been fat, never known a fat person/food addict, or are living in la la land. Just like an alcoholic, the food addict needs to admit their problem, take responsibility for it, and make a major life change.

OP, it's hopeless.

laughing, I just can't relate to this. I am 60 and raising my teenagers (19, 18, 16). They keep me in shape -- I run with my 2 oldest. (They slow down for me!) I have to eat healthy as I am still their example and influence on good nutrition. Protein smoothies every morning. If they want junk food they have to buy it themselves from their allowance or part-time job. I don't keep it in the house -- too tempting.

Laughing?

I swear some of you in this thread are psychopaths. God help your poor families.