Ex won’t make food our daughter will eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the responses saying some people see providing food for your kid as an act of care and love and some just don't as...kind of crazy making! Not EVERY bite has to be lovingly prepared and served hot and to a kid's tastes. People who eat cold breakfasts and quick lunches themselves aren't less caring parents. They just don't see every meal as a big event.

I sometimes make veggie muffins for them to eat in the mornings, or help them pour a bowl of cereal. I don't love them any less because I don't make them pancakes, eggs, and bacon DAILY. They get cold sandwiches for school lunches. Hot breakfasts and lunches are squarely a weekend treat in my book, I was raised that way and never thought it meant my SAHM didn't love me. I was also fixing my own breakfasts by high school.

I also think OP is letting her daughter be way too precious about dinners. She thinks vegetable based meals are "disgusting," really? The dad is making what sound like home cooked and healthy meals and instead of being scolded for calling them disgusting, the dad is at fault? My kids would also love to eat pasta, pizza, and meat for dinner every night! But guess what, we often cook Asian food involving mainly tofu and vegetables, or occasionally fish. They often won't eat it, one kid won't even eat plain rice. They can have plain bread, yogurt, and fruit to keep from going hungry, or if they're lucky they can have a bowl of microwaved leftovers if there's something in the fridge, but I'm absolutely not cooking chicken because they won't eat tofu, or allowing "vegetables are disgusting" to keep us from serving vegetables. Being an athlete isn't an excuse, she's not being starved, she's just picky!

Why would you purposely cook a dinner your children won’t eat? This is bizarre.

I'm not doing it AT them! I'm also not going to give up rice, tofu, and vegetables for 18 years because they're picky. These are normal foods that were staples of our adult diets before kids.

A nice big salad is a staple of my "adult diet." My elementary schooler is not going to eat a salad for dinner, he just won't. Do you think I should make salads for us, even though I know he doesn't like it? It's a normal meal, right???

Yes, you should keep giving your child salad. Is this a serious question?

Yeah I'll l cut the stuff into strips (carrots, peppers, cucumbers, the lettuce ribs) into strips and let my kid dip them in ranch or hummus but I absolutely serve my first grader salad for dinner. It's weird you wouldn't even try.

I took my kid Germany (my family lives there) and he didn't love everything he tried but he did try a bit of everything and found new things he liked. And he's 7, not 17.

This is a teenager who is old enough to cook for themself not a 7-year-old.

Which is my point. If my 7 year old doesn't get special meals, why would a 17 year old who could just cook for herself.

Again, literally every book on toddlers specifically says NOT to make special meals for them and to serve them what the family is eating. Why is a 17 year old girl expected to be catered to more than a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you make for your 16 year old for breakfast everyday? Seriously curious.

NP who grew up grabbing a piece of toast or a granola bar and running into school but was constantly hungry and developed some ED-adjacent stuff because of it. I think today’s parents, particularly those of girls and athletes, are much more attuned to the intense schedules of HS kids and how challenging it is to eat a proper lunch during the school day, especially with rushes bell schedules, schools without lockers, and long lunch lines.

None of my friends had hot breakfast growing up, but it’s really common in my circle for kids to have hot breakfast now, particularly for families who make it the family meal if everyone is in different places or on different evening schedules.

Stay in your lane wrt disabilities. Not having a great breakfast does not cause disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter can make herself a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal, but that's not what I'd consider a proper meal. She’s a kid so she doesn’t know how to make full meals. He's the parent and should be taking responsibility for feeding her. When she's with me, I make actual breakfasts—eggs, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, bacon, etc.—not just tell her to fend for herself. My daughter likes hot meals, so I can’t send pre-made meals.

You are ridiculous. Have you heard of a microwave. If ex doesn't have one, buy one for dc to take to his place.
You can cook and freeze food for her to take. It's not bad parenting to give a kid cereal or whatever. You are a lot of the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the 16 year old can learn to cook but the dad is an AH if he only has her half time and insists on making things she doesn’t like on his weeks. Every single human has food preferences — some more than others. When my oldest is home from school, I make the dinners I know she likes (quiche, shrimp scampi, etc) and avoid the things I know she hates (like pork chops and mashed potatoes). I do this because I love her and want her to be happy eating with me, and because I’m not an AH. It sounds like this girl is an only child so dad is cooking just for her and him — why is he going out of his way to make things she doesn’t like? He can eat those things the week she is with her mom.

She should learn how to cook and this is probably also an early lesson in “a man is not a plan.” This is the kind of girl that is gojng to think twice before getting married because why get saddled with a man when you’ll have to do all the work?

What’s going unsaid in this thread is the answer to the bolded: control. This is about him showing her that he’s going to parent on his terms and he’s in charge and she can take it or leave it. Except she can’t leave it because she has to be at his house.

The people chiming in about making a kid learn to cook and learning to eat different things are missing what’s really going on here.

No, no, no, no, no.

This certainly is an issue about control but it isn't exh who has the problem with control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

Seems pretty clear that you don’t understand what your job description entails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

By seventeen it's weird to keep casually referring to her as a "kid." Maybe she's not quite an adult, but she's much closer to being an adult than a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

My kid knows her worth so if she’s high maintenance, what’s inherently wrong with that? She wouldn’t allow anyone to mistreat her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

My kid knows her worth so if she’s high maintenance, what’s inherently wrong with that? She wouldn’t allow anyone to mistreat her.

Oh brother. Real life is going to hit her like a ton of bricks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

My kid knows her worth so if she’s high maintenance, what’s inherently wrong with that? She wouldn’t allow anyone to mistreat her.

What's inherently wrong with that is she's going to go to college and her first apartment and be totally helpless if she's never made her own toast before.

[Anonymous]

PP with the 17-year-old only child. We really need to stop being so judgmental and let other people parent their children the way they see fit. The way I parent my daughter does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. If it's working for our family and my child is doing well, I don't see why strangers feel the need to criticize or second-guess our choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with the 17-year-old only child. We really need to stop being so judgmental and let other people parent their children the way they see fit. The way I parent my daughter does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. If it's working for our family and my child is doing well, I don't see why strangers feel the need to criticize or second-guess our choices.

Maybe talk to OP about that? She started an entire thread to judge how someone else is parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with the 17-year-old only child. We really need to stop being so judgmental and let other people parent their children the way they see fit. The way I parent my daughter does not affect you in any way, shape, or form. If it's working for our family and my child is doing well, I don't see why strangers feel the need to criticize or second-guess our choices.

Yeah, OP should really let her DDs father parent her as he sees fit on his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 17, a junior in high school, so very busy. I make her breakfast every morning—sometimes hot, sometimes cold. If it's cold, I still get everything ready for her: toast the bread, spread the butter, pour the cereal, etc. Yes, she's an only child.

For lunch, sometimes she just wants a snack, so I put that together for her. Other days she wants a hot lunch, and I make it and have it ready when she leaves. She eats dinner with the family, and I make sure she's fed every night. I also don't purposely make foods I know she doesn't like.

If she's hungry during the day, I'll get a snack ready for her, and I usually have one waiting when she gets home. I also pack extra things for her when needed. I don't see any problem with this. She's a child, and I'm her mother. Taking care of her doesn't mean she "needs to grow up." She doesn't. And before anyone assumes I'm a SAHM, I'm not—though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one.

People truly need to stop judging.

You seem to have confused "taking care of her" with coddling her absurdly and ensuring she's high maintenance. This would be absurd even for a SAHM, and no, your daughter isn't so busy she can't do this herself. Laughable.

Nope. I’m not coddling her Oe ensuring she’s “high maintenance”. I’m being a parent to a kid.

You sound like you’re being Cadbury the butler. Would the young lady like high tea waiting when she gets home from school as well?
My aunt treated my cousin this way and it contributed to her marriage falling apart later. She expected her husband to wait on her hand and foot the way her mom did. He did for two years or so before putting his foot down.

My kid knows her worth so if she’s high maintenance, what’s inherently wrong with that? She wouldn’t allow anyone to mistreat her.

This has to be a troll.