Any men here who walked away from their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men who do that are so in denial that they would never give you a straight answer here. Most won’t even see themselves as having walked away.

This. These are the ones who will swear their crazy wife "turned the kids against him."

My dad walked away (or more accurately, cheated, mom divorced him, we never saw him again).

It is simultaneously true that he was a narcissistic jerk who was in denial about doing anything wrong, and that mom denied him access and turned us against him. (Her rage against him was boundless.)

Both mom and dad were deeply flawed people. As are many people.

Even in this scenario, I would consider your dad walking away. I’ve seen men always blame the ex as a reason why they don’t see the kids, but they almost seem relieved to have a someone to blame that and a socially acceptable reason to go back to being bachelors.

The truth is, that if he had wanted the kids, he would have fought for you. He was only willing to do it if your mom facilitated and supported the father relationship like a wife. Even in the best of circumstances, that does not happen after a divorce.

Yes. I would never trust a man who says “oh, my ex-wife is crazy” then explains his minimal level of custody. If the mom is crazy, get your kids the hell out or step up and at least do 50% custody.

I have only one man I know who is raising his kids at more than 50%. And, within two years he is married to his second wife who is very involved in taking care of his kids/her step-kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:1. One friend impregnated a woman after a 3-month long intense courtship. He proposed with a huge diamond when she got pregnant. Decided not to marry her a couple months later when it became clear this woman had serious mental health issues (borderline, bipolar, delusional—like believed the golden retriever was trying to kill her). My friend supports both mom and child financially and sees child when he can, but mom limits that contact. I’m sure mom and child feel he walked away.
2. Other friend was 12 when Dad left big Catholic family, refused to support, and got cancer and tried to change will to leave everything to his make co-worker. They were abandoned, but you can guess the situation.

Yeah right. Same old sob story from the deadbeat dads.

Yep amazing how so many of these women that get left are “crazy” and “unfit”. Ok so if you think she’s so insane why abandon your kids with her?

1. Significant mental illness is very common in women.
2. It's damn near impossible to get the courts to award a man custody and deny it to a woman no matter how crazy she is.

No, it’s not. Default is 50/50. If you don’t have 50%, it’s because you don’t want it.

Also, my dad was awarded full custody in the 90s, and my mom wasn’t even crazy or a bad mom. He was just a more involved parent than she was. Anyone who says the court systems don’t award custody to fathers hasn’t really been through the court system, it’s usually because they are completely checked out.

Mom - refuses to work
Dad - in the military or has a job that requires unpredictable hours or late nights.

Result - full custody to mom.

You could get a different job. One that fits with your parenting needs. That's normal for women. Ever think of it?

Ever think that people have very different economic situations from you?

Nope. You make it work.

My dad was the CEO of a large tech company when my parents split. And mom did absolutely everything to alienate us from him.

He quit his job and started a new career in something far less lucrative so he could be there for his kids. Yes, he had to downsize. Yes, money was tight. And he took a crappy job so he could have time to volunteer at our school and be home when we got home.

Bottom line is if you care about your kids, you do whatever it takes. Moms do it all the time. I know moms who get up at 3am to work while their kids sleep.

If you can’t prioritize your kids, you’re not a real man. Period.

Wow, that's so awesome he was so committed to being your dad. It's really sad that some people have the bar set so low for men.

And not a word for the mom in this situation, whose crazy BPD antics led to a pretty significant economic blow to the family?

Why are you diagnosing random people online? I don't think you are qualified for that.

Either way, this guy made it work. He WANTED to be a father to his kids. He WANTED to see his kids. He WANTED to be in their life.
Funny how all these other men in your life don't seem to do that. I said a few posts back - if he wanted to, he would. If you actually care about your kids, this is worth it. Your excuses for men who "step back" or "move on" are disgusting pieces of sh*t who abandon their children when it gets hard.

And if the reason it “get hard” is because the mother is a toxic manipulator then she bears equal or greater responsibility.

Not if the man fails to see his kids. His kids are his responsibility. He chooses not to deal with his "toxic" ex and at the same time he chooses to abandon his kids. His choices.

So the toxic mom who works to keep the dad away bears no responsibility when she succeeds? lol OK.

If all it takes is someone talking sh!t about him that he curls up and moves away, the only responsibility for abandoning his kids falls on him. Is she responsible for making it difficult? Yes. But again, if he wanted to, he would. Many men are great dads with "toxic exs". Why do you make it sound like these men are children with no autonomy of their own? Do they need someone to hold their hand in order to want to see their kids?

There is no amount of "wanting to" that can get your kids away from a rageful, vengeful XW who is determined to deny you custody.

Of course there is. That's what the courts are for. Don't blame your laziness on your ex.

You've never been in court fighting for custody against someone who alienated your kids. STFU.

So you have? When exactly did you give up? How long did you fight for your children before you "stepped back" or "moved on" from them?

Funny how no one will give a real straight answer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My exh demanded 50/50 and got it. Now, he frequently brings up that the kids are happier with me and wants to give me full custody. It’s a shit show. Kids also dislike going to dad’s house bc … well, dad wasn’t the nurturer doing most of our marriage. I was a SAHM for a time and was closer to our kids. So, exH is on the verge of “walking away.” He says he’ll stay involved but wants to give up custody. I truly wonder what AP’s position is. Is she encouraging this so exH’s time is no longer divided? Not sure.

I’m so sorry. This sounds horrible.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it can take years. Aren't your children worth that? If you have children, go look them in the eye, and tell them how long it would take for you to give up on them. If your love is conditional, you are not a good parent. Full stop.

You seem to have very, very strong opinions about this issue but apparently no direct experience? So for you it’s all a hypothetical. You are more of a black and white thinker than I have ever seen on this forum, and that’s saying something. Super judgmental and an apparent complete lack of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, it can take years. Aren't your children worth that? If you have children, go look them in the eye, and tell them how long it would take for you to give up on them. If your love is conditional, you are not a good parent. Full stop.

You seem to have very, very strong opinions about this issue but apparently no direct experience? So for you it’s all a hypothetical. You are more of a black and white thinker than I have ever seen on this forum, and that’s saying something. Super judgmental and an apparent complete lack of empathy.

Tell us, how long did you fight for your kids before you "stepped back" or "moved on" from their lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, it can take years. Aren't your children worth that? If you have children, go look them in the eye, and tell them how long it would take for you to give up on them. If your love is conditional, you are not a good parent. Full stop.

You seem to have very, very strong opinions about this issue but apparently no direct experience? So for you it’s all a hypothetical. You are more of a black and white thinker than I have ever seen on this forum, and that’s saying something. Super judgmental and an apparent complete lack of empathy.

Empathy... for the deadbeat dads who walk away from their kids? Yeah, no. I'm a high-empathy person, but there are limits.

I don't feel a whole lot of empathy for puppy-killers, child rapists, or serial murderers either. I'm alright with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, it can take years. Aren't your children worth that? If you have children, go look them in the eye, and tell them how long it would take for you to give up on them. If your love is conditional, you are not a good parent. Full stop.

You seem to have very, very strong opinions about this issue but apparently no direct experience? So for you it’s all a hypothetical. You are more of a black and white thinker than I have ever seen on this forum, and that’s saying something. Super judgmental and an apparent complete lack of empathy.

Empathy... for the deadbeat dads who walk away from their kids? Yeah, no. I'm a high-empathy person, but there are limits.

I don't feel a whole lot of empathy for puppy-killers, child rapists, or serial murderers either. I'm alright with that.

These people love to preach the tolerance of intolerance paradox. Which is absolute BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men who do that are so in denial that they would never give you a straight answer here. Most won’t even see themselves as having walked away.

This. These are the ones who will swear their crazy wife "turned the kids against him."

My dad walked away (or more accurately, cheated, mom divorced him, we never saw him again).

It is simultaneously true that he was a narcissistic jerk who was in denial about doing anything wrong, and that mom denied him access and turned us against him. (Her rage against him was boundless.)

Both mom and dad were deeply flawed people. As are many people.

Even in this scenario, I would consider your dad walking away. I’ve seen men always blame the ex as a reason why they don’t see the kids, but they almost seem relieved to have a someone to blame that and a socially acceptable reason to go back to being bachelors.

The truth is, that if he had wanted the kids, he would have fought for you. He was only willing to do it if your mom facilitated and supported the father relationship like a wife. Even in the best of circumstances, that does not happen after a divorce.

Yes. I would never trust a man who says “oh, my ex-wife is crazy” then explains his minimal level of custody. If the mom is crazy, get your kids the hell out or step up and at least do 50% custody.

I have only one man I know who is raising his kids at more than 50%. And, within two years he is married to his second wife who is very involved in taking care of his kids/her step-kids.


Men rarely get full custody. You can observe the situation and talk to others. It’s not always the man’s fault. I hope you don’t have boys given how much you hate me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men who do that are so in denial that they would never give you a straight answer here. Most won’t even see themselves as having walked away.

This. These are the ones who will swear their crazy wife "turned the kids against him."

My dad walked away (or more accurately, cheated, mom divorced him, we never saw him again).

It is simultaneously true that he was a narcissistic jerk who was in denial about doing anything wrong, and that mom denied him access and turned us against him. (Her rage against him was boundless.)

Both mom and dad were deeply flawed people. As are many people.

Even in this scenario, I would consider your dad walking away. I’ve seen men always blame the ex as a reason why they don’t see the kids, but they almost seem relieved to have a someone to blame that and a socially acceptable reason to go back to being bachelors.

The truth is, that if he had wanted the kids, he would have fought for you. He was only willing to do it if your mom facilitated and supported the father relationship like a wife. Even in the best of circumstances, that does not happen after a divorce.

Yes. I would never trust a man who says “oh, my ex-wife is crazy” then explains his minimal level of custody. If the mom is crazy, get your kids the hell out or step up and at least do 50% custody.

I have only one man I know who is raising his kids at more than 50%. And, within two years he is married to his second wife who is very involved in taking care of his kids/her step-kids.


Men rarely get full custody. You can observe the situation and talk to others. It’s not always the man’s fault. I hope you don’t have boys given how much you hate me.

Hate men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

Of coursed it happened to someone I am close to. Women get a free pass to cheat, hold the kids hostage, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am just one (there are multiple) posters arguing with you (I'm sure you'd like to think it's just one absent father but I'm a woman and at least some other posters have identified as women as well).

Of course a dad can fight a mom in court for custody. Do you have any idea how much time that can take? It's like you think the dad just calls the court at 2 pm when mom doesn't drop the kids off and by 2:30 he has them. That's not how it works. Some people abuse the system and don't comply with orders. Your black and white way of thinking is unhelpful but just goes to show how small-minded you are. Keep on preaching like you're some sort of feminist and won't apologize for men's bad behavior. No one arguing with you is doing that either. We're just saying you seem to have little grasp on what the world is really like.

Well kids are minors until they are 18. If you stop any time before that, you have given up on your children. That's no one elses fault.

Is your bf or dh one of these loser dead beats or something? Your rabid assertation that men can do nothing wrong and it's always a womans fault is getting bizarre.

NP and a woman. I don't think the poster who replied is making any rabid assertions and agree that you seem to be extremely uninformed about how legal challenges work in divorce and custody cases. It can take YEARS of a parent going back to court for contempt filings before anything actually happens. I have witnessed the process with my old neighbor and it's brutal - custody, child support, etc. has all been drawn out for years.

Uninformed, hardly. You just dont like to accept reality.

Yes, it can take years. Aren't your children worth that? If you have children, go look them in the eye, and tell them how long it would take for you to give up on them. If your love is conditional, you are not a good parent. Full stop.

What do you think the courts will do about it? If you don’t have access what do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

I am just one (there are multiple) posters arguing with you (I'm sure you'd like to think it's just one absent father but I'm a woman and at least some other posters have identified as women as well).

Of course a dad can fight a mom in court for custody. Do you have any idea how much time that can take? It's like you think the dad just calls the court at 2 pm when mom doesn't drop the kids off and by 2:30 he has them. That's not how it works. Some people abuse the system and don't comply with orders. Your black and white way of thinking is unhelpful but just goes to show how small-minded you are. Keep on preaching like you're some sort of feminist and won't apologize for men's bad behavior. No one arguing with you is doing that either. We're just saying you seem to have little grasp on what the world is really like.

Well kids are minors until they are 18. If you stop any time before that, you have given up on your children. That's no one elses fault.

Is your bf or dh one of these loser dead beats or something? Your rabid assertation that men can do nothing wrong and it's always a womans fault is getting bizarre.

I've never said men can do no wrong and it's always a woman's fault. Not once. I'll wait if you want to try to find it somewhere if you want.

You're the one making black and white assertions here, not me or any of the other people (including women) responding to your inane post. I'm happily married to the father of my children, who isn't remotely a deadbeat. But I've also lived enough to know that not everyone lives like me.

Good luck with your anger and your life. I can't help but wonder what someone has done to you.

You constantly post and in reality have no clue. You’ve never been through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am just one (there are multiple) posters arguing with you (I'm sure you'd like to think it's just one absent father but I'm a woman and at least some other posters have identified as women as well).

Of course a dad can fight a mom in court for custody. Do you have any idea how much time that can take? It's like you think the dad just calls the court at 2 pm when mom doesn't drop the kids off and by 2:30 he has them. That's not how it works. Some people abuse the system and don't comply with orders. Your black and white way of thinking is unhelpful but just goes to show how small-minded you are. Keep on preaching like you're some sort of feminist and won't apologize for men's bad behavior. No one arguing with you is doing that either. We're just saying you seem to have little grasp on what the world is really like.

Well kids are minors until they are 18. If you stop any time before that, you have given up on your children. That's no one elses fault.

Is your bf or dh one of these loser dead beats or something? Your rabid assertation that men can do nothing wrong and it's always a womans fault is getting bizarre.

NP and a woman. I don't think the poster who replied is making any rabid assertions and agree that you seem to be extremely uninformed about how legal challenges work in divorce and custody cases. It can take YEARS of a parent going back to court for contempt filings before anything actually happens. I have witnessed the process with my old neighbor and it's brutal - custody, child support, etc. has all been drawn out for years.

Uninformed, hardly. You just dont like to accept reality.

Yes, it can take years. Aren't your children worth that? If you have children, go look them in the eye, and tell them how long it would take for you to give up on them. If your love is conditional, you are not a good parent. Full stop.

What do you think the courts will do about it? If you don’t have access what do you do?

The courts will fine or hold her in contempt of court or adjust custody. It's clear you haven't done even a cursory google search on this and are just talking BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this just shows how little how you or the men in your life care about their kids.

"What Happens if a Mother Refuses Access?
If there’s a court order granting visitation and the mother refuses to comply, she could face legal consequences. The father can go back to court and file a motion to enforce visitation. If she continues to block access, she could be found in contempt of court, which might lead to fines or other penalties. In some cases, a judge could even modify custody arrangements in favor of the father."

So instead of whining and complaining about their ex on the internet, they could have been doing the work and getting even more custody. Oh wait, it's working exactly as planned because these men didn't even want custody in the first place.

She "can" face legal consequences but likely she won't. Most often the result of a woman ignoring a court order is, you drag her back to court, and the judge issues another court order which she ignores. The judge is not going to award the father custody unless it's an extreme and provable case of the mom being unfit. Very rare.

And when push comes to shove, most ex-husbands are very hesitant to have their ex-wives thrown in jail, because that will traumatize his kids no matter how much his XW deserved it.

None of this happened to you, because this is a crazy scenario. Stop talking mess and start talking facts, if you even have any. You sound paranoid and delusional, not to mention misogynist af.

Of coursed it happened to someone I am close to. Women get a free pass to cheat, hold the kids hostage, etc.

Misogynist say what