Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother travels the world but couldn’t watch my toddler for one night because she didn’t think she could do it physically.

After watching two family members deal with injuries that occurred on grandparent’s watch, I understand it. Watching a toddler will require much faster reflexes than visiting most touristy spots. Now if your mom is climbing Machu Picchu without a guide or free driving an underwater complex in Thailand, I understand.

+1

I'm 53, and I would find watching toddlers way too tiring. But, I can sit on a plane, train, car, bus for hours. It's not the same thing.

My parents are in their late 70s and physically can't watch a toddler today due to mobility issues (luckily the toddler years are behind us). At 53 they absolutely could have, but were still working full time, and didn't have grandkids then. I think most 53 year olds could, unless they're disabled. But YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gee what a surprise. Another boomer-bashing thread.

It's the pre- Christmas complaint. Soon it will be the threads about boomer grandparents expecting to spend too much time visiting over the holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother travels the world but couldn’t watch my toddler for one night because she didn’t think she could do it physically.

After watching two family members deal with injuries that occurred on grandparent’s watch, I understand it. Watching a toddler will require much faster reflexes than visiting most touristy spots. Now if your mom is climbing Machu Picchu without a guide or free driving an underwater complex in Thailand, I understand.

+1

I'm 53, and I would find watching toddlers way too tiring. But, I can sit on a plane, train, car, bus for hours. It's not the same thing.

My parents are in their late 70s and physically can't watch a toddler today due to mobility issues (luckily the toddler years are behind us). At 53 they absolutely could have, but were still working full time, and didn't have grandkids then. I think most 53 year olds could, unless they're disabled. But YMMV.

I could if I had to, but I don't *want* to. Toddlers are tiring. BTDT. I don't really want to do it again.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This just so does not resonate for me. All the boomer grandparents I know would loose to spend more time with their grandkids. My neighbor has offered. to watch her granddaughter as many days as possible but the mom thinks it’s better for the child to have consistency in childcare (which is fine). I know lots of millennials who want to limit the grandparents time or really control how/when etc. My sister who is a boomer flies to her kids houses all the time to help out if one parent is traveling or they want to take a kid free vacation.
I do wonder if people are making it really hard for their parents to care for the kids by putting a ton of restrictions on it. My grandmother watched me almost daily. Did she do it the way my mom would have wanted? Probably not. I are a LOT of pudding and she let me watch some questionable TV. But it was fine. You have to be a little flexible and not treat your parents like employees. I definitely see some millennials who would rather pay someone they can micromanage than let their parents have some leeway. My approach is to set out some basic safety standards (careers, sleeping on back, etc.). But otherwise let it go.

This!! Barely boomer here, 59. We work f-t still but do watch and spend time with our grandchildren often. We live close, enjoy them and want to create memories. Daughter is SAHM w/ a PHD, which is FINE but stop complaining about money. When we have the kids, there are so many rules. We can't have the news on, any programs we watch together have to be previously approved, they don't like them around some family members for stupid reasons, have to approve our friends who come by (it seems by comments made by the kids). The older ones read ingredients on everything we feed them. I do cook very healthy and mostly have adjusted but it IS A LOT and we get tattled on. We are made to feel like the children sometimes and it's ridiculous but it's still, "We need a break" and they get help. Let us be the grandparents. Let us keep them alive like we did you. UGH!!

Wow. That’s one obnoxious woman probably raising obnoxious kids. I don’t know if I could do it. My mother came to my house and I left. She’s their grandmother not my employee. Did your daughter forget that you raised her and did a good job? It’s not harmful to have different rules for grandparents. It’s healthy.

That's the way we feel too. The kids are young still, home schooled semi-isolated so we'll see how things change as they grow older. They are great parents in most ways but they have forgotten how great it was to grow up with all the freedoms they enjoyed. The kids are well behaved and respectful. They are doing a lot right but shouldn't make things so extremely difficult for those who want to be in their children's lives.

There are two sides to this. Sorry that I'm not okay with my kids coming over, watching nonstop TV for hours, eating unlimited desserts, juice and Diet Coke (who gives Diet Coke to toddlers?!). Then the kids come back to parents and they're crazed out of their minds. Can't grandparents take time out of their busy TV watching schedules to even play with kids? What's the point of even seeing the kids to just sit and binge TV with them.

My kids are so well behaved and love to play. Why are you trying to go out of your way to disrupt things? My FIL gave my toddler dessert (pie) and hot chocolate for breakfast and when I said we should wait and have that later, he told me it was his job to spoil. I packed the kids in the car and left. Grandparents aren't there to undermine parents, they're there to be another set of loving adults to bond with.

I totally understand this. We are not them. We limit sweets and screen time, it's more fun to play. I've never had soft drinks in my home and understand and love keeping kids on their schedules. This is not the problem at all. The policing in other areas is the issue. We love the kids and won't expose them to things they shouldn't be exposed to. It would be nice to be trusted to know how to be good grandparents without all the rules. It's exhausting to get approval for every little thing or be tattled on. It does make me think twice before having them stay overnight as much as I would like to.

Don’t bother trying to be reasonable to this barely literate woman. The only time I see young children, babies even! With screens in their faces is public places with their mothers. Grocery stores they have their mother’s phone while sitting in the carriage. Out shopping, the kids under four are in carriages with iPad watching cartoons. In family restaurants each child with their own iPad and the mother texting. No words are exchanged between them.

This is the norm with todays mothers and it’s a disgrace. There’s no denying it either because it’s happening in public. We can all see it. They are all in their own worlds. Sad

My kid taught herself to read on her iPad at 4 while I was on work calls during Covid. So sad.

Big deal. It is sad that someone wasn’t reading to her. The closeness of another person sharing a story. That’s a nice way to learn how to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's face it boomers are awful and selfish with everything

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother travels the world but couldn’t watch my toddler for one night because she didn’t think she could do it physically.

After watching two family members deal with injuries that occurred on grandparent’s watch, I understand it. Watching a toddler will require much faster reflexes than visiting most touristy spots. Now if your mom is climbing Machu Picchu without a guide or free driving an underwater complex in Thailand, I understand.

+1

I'm 53, and I would find watching toddlers way too tiring. But, I can sit on a plane, train, car, bus for hours. It's not the same thing.

My parents are in their late 70s and physically can't watch a toddler today due to mobility issues (luckily the toddler years are behind us). At 53 they absolutely could have, but were still working full time, and didn't have grandkids then. I think most 53 year olds could, unless they're disabled. But YMMV.

I could if I had to, but I don't *want* to. Toddlers are tiring. BTDT. I don't really want to do it again.

Totally irrelevant. The original comment was about toddler injuries due to grandparents being too old / too slow. Most 53 year olds can safely care for a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

You had them. Why is it up to your parents to take the pressure off?

Their own parents helped them out quite a lot. However, they will not return the favor as grandparents themself. They are pretty much checked out.

Their parents helped them to raise the kids, they helped the parents in their old age. They do not owe you childcare and frankly they do not expect you to take care of them in their old age. You are free to go and raise your own brats.

[Anonymous]

STOP having children you cannot raise yourself. Did you take your Boomer parents permission before having sex and procreating??

[Anonymous]

If you cannot take care of your kids by yourself, there is zero chance that you can take care of your elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

Boomer grandparents don’t even want to get to know their grandchildren and it is very sad. They benefitted from a village of support to raise children and now have the attitude that we need to pull ourselves up all by ourselves.

They are the most selfish generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomer grandparents don’t even want to get to know their grandchildren and it is very sad. They benefitted from a village of support to raise children and now have the attitude that we need to pull ourselves up all by ourselves.

They are the most selfish generation.

A troll or just an idiot. Take your pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomer grandparents don’t even want to get to know their grandchildren and it is very sad. They benefitted from a village of support to raise children and now have the attitude that we need to pull ourselves up all by ourselves.

They are the most selfish generation.

A troll or just an idiot. Take your pick.

Read through this thread because it largely substantiates that.

[Anonymous]

Op - shame on you for posting from Fox News

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do grandparents owe their children and grandchildren anything? Yes, it would be great if they could help out but some of your are downright entitled. You think your parents still owe you their time and effort? How messed up is that?

Have you seen the threads on here with people saying what was the point of having kids if they weren't going to provide them with grandkids? My boomer parents certainly guilted me about giving them grandchildren. Now that I have, the lack of support is a bit of a piss off.

Wow. That is messed up. You only had kids because your parents guilted you into it? And now you want to guilt them into helping you? You have bigger problems than DCUM can solve.

[Anonymous]

As a boomer I never expected child care or financial support from my parents and my parents never received that from their parents. Why do millennials expect it from their parents? We all faced child care and financial challenges when we were in our 30s and 40s but somehow survived over time. I still cringe when I think about our 17.25% mortgage in 1981. I never had one below 6-7% which is now considered outrageous.