Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

[Anonymous]

Frankly the brother in law shouldn’t come at all if he is so offended by Christmas. The gift exchange is a tiny part of it. What about the meal and the reason they are all gathered together? He can’t dismiss that. Why is it okay for him to partake in the holiday fun in terms of the food, the drinks the company? It’s totally hypocritical. With that said I suppose if you want to keep the peace you’ll have to respect their wishes. I do feel sorry for their child because it’s too hard for a three year old to understand. Maybe grandma can give a group gift that stays at the house but all can play with it. Then she can give individual ones later or under each families individual Christmas trees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

It’s the parent’s decision. Period. Don’t be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly the brother in law shouldn’t come at all if he is so offended by Christmas. The gift exchange is a tiny part of it. What about the meal and the reason they are all gathered together? He can’t dismiss that. Why is it okay for him to partake in the holiday fun in terms of the food, the drinks the company? It’s totally hypocritical. With that said I suppose if you want to keep the peace you’ll have to respect their wishes. I do feel sorry for their child because it’s too hard for a three year old to understand. Maybe grandma can give a group gift that stays at the house but all can play with it. Then she can give individual ones later or under each families individual Christmas trees.

Pretty sure Christmas isn’t the only reason why families gather and eat together. Christians don’t “own” gathering and eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly the brother in law shouldn’t come at all if he is so offended by Christmas. The gift exchange is a tiny part of it. What about the meal and the reason they are all gathered together? He can’t dismiss that. Why is it okay for him to partake in the holiday fun in terms of the food, the drinks the company? It’s totally hypocritical. With that said I suppose if you want to keep the peace you’ll have to respect their wishes. I do feel sorry for their child because it’s too hard for a three year old to understand. Maybe grandma can give a group gift that stays at the house but all can play with it. Then she can give individual ones later or under each families individual Christmas trees.

Great point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

It’s the parent’s decision. Period. Don’t be a jerk.

How is considering the feelings of a child “being a jerk?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

It’s the parent’s decision. Period. Don’t be a jerk.

How is considering the feelings of a child “being a jerk?”

By disrespecting the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

It’s the parent’s decision. Period. Don’t be a jerk.

How is considering the feelings of a child “being a jerk?”

By disrespecting the parents.

The parents don’t know how Larlo feels about religion, Santa, gifts, holidays, etc. They aren’t allowing him to experience the traditions of his extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

It’s the parent’s decision. Period. Don’t be a jerk.

How is considering the feelings of a child “being a jerk?”

By disrespecting the parents.

The parents don’t know how Larlo feels about religion, Santa, gifts, holidays, etc. They aren’t allowing him to experience the traditions of his extended family.

That certainly wouldn’t be my choice for my kids. But it is still my choice to make, not someone else’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

It’s the parent’s decision. Period. Don’t be a jerk.

How is considering the feelings of a child “being a jerk?”

By disrespecting the parents.

The parents don’t know how Larlo feels about religion, Santa, gifts, holidays, etc. They aren’t allowing him to experience the traditions of his extended family.

That certainly wouldn’t be my choice for my kids. But it is still my choice to make, not someone else’s.

+1

[Anonymous]

If you are so concerned about Larlo - although a lot of energy here has been about how the adult grandmother feels, but if you are sooo concerned about how this child feels the best thing you can do is to provide a loving and accepting environment for his whole family. You can only control how YOU behave. So if Larlo gets upset you don’t say “mommy and daddy wouldn’t let us give you a gift” you provide a distraction. Take him to pet the dog or show him a magic trick. He’s only 3. It will pass. As he gets older his parents will explain things to him and his expectations will be different. Maybe he will be resentful but that’s not your problem. This child is a member of your family and your job is to love him and his parents in spite of your fundamental differences. You teach him about generosity of spirit and unconditional love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are so concerned about Larlo - although a lot of energy here has been about how the adult grandmother feels, but if you are sooo concerned about how this child feels the best thing you can do is to provide a loving and accepting environment for his whole family. You can only control how YOU behave. So if Larlo gets upset you don’t say “mommy and daddy wouldn’t let us give you a gift” you provide a distraction. Take him to pet the dog or show him a magic trick. He’s only 3. It will pass. As he gets older his parents will explain things to him and his expectations will be different. Maybe he will be resentful but that’s not your problem. This child is a member of your family and your job is to love him and his parents in spite of your fundamental differences. You teach him about generosity of spirit and unconditional love.

Why is it wrong to be concerned about Larlo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are so concerned about Larlo - although a lot of energy here has been about how the adult grandmother feels, but if you are sooo concerned about how this child feels the best thing you can do is to provide a loving and accepting environment for his whole family. You can only control how YOU behave. So if Larlo gets upset you don’t say “mommy and daddy wouldn’t let us give you a gift” you provide a distraction. Take him to pet the dog or show him a magic trick. He’s only 3. It will pass. As he gets older his parents will explain things to him and his expectations will be different. Maybe he will be resentful but that’s not your problem. This child is a member of your family and your job is to love him and his parents in spite of your fundamental differences. You teach him about generosity of spirit and unconditional love.

Maybe Larlo’s parents take him to walk the dog while everybody else opens presents. Everybody else shouldn’t have to sneak around because BIL is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be easier for BIL to let Larlo accept a gift, while explaining in the car on the way over or going home that they don't believe in Jesus. And that plenty of people have secular Christmases. BIL really has chosen the most confrontational path.

The gift is not from Jesus.

How does Larlo know what he believes in? He’s a toddler. He has to grow and learn about religion and the world and see if anything (or nothing) makes sense to him.

The brother in law isn’t on this thread. If they were Jehovas Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists or Quakers would you insist or accept their point of view? The whole thing is that possibly the parents are being a jerks but the kindest and most Christian thing to do would be to respect the choices and decisions of the parents.

Shouldn't the child's feelings be respected too? That was OP's concern.

They could easily do the presents when the child is not there, if that’s such a huge hang up.

However, I doubt this needs to be such a big deal. When my kids go to a friend’s birthday party, sometimes they are sad they didn’t get a present too. I say “sometimes it is our turn to get a present and sometimes it’s not. Today it is so and sos turn. you get a cupcake though!” And they are fine. I’m sure the bil can tell his kid something similar. It’s really not the trauma everyone is making it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are so concerned about Larlo - although a lot of energy here has been about how the adult grandmother feels, but if you are sooo concerned about how this child feels the best thing you can do is to provide a loving and accepting environment for his whole family. You can only control how YOU behave. So if Larlo gets upset you don’t say “mommy and daddy wouldn’t let us give you a gift” you provide a distraction. Take him to pet the dog or show him a magic trick. He’s only 3. It will pass. As he gets older his parents will explain things to him and his expectations will be different. Maybe he will be resentful but that’s not your problem. This child is a member of your family and your job is to love him and his parents in spite of your fundamental differences. You teach him about generosity of spirit and unconditional love.

Why is it wrong to be concerned about Larlo?

Literally no one said it was wrong to be concerned about Larlo - the OP seemed more concerned about her mother than Larlo frankly.