Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think having babies in your 40s sounds tough, but having teens in your 50s sounds tougher.

Good think I’ll be 60 when my child is a teenager! So much easier than 50s! I agree having a baby in your 40s is not tough. It is wonderful!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just spent the weekend helping our recent college grad move into her first apartment. We are nearing sixty and we were sore from hauling boxes up and down the stairs in the heat!
The physical part of having kids goes on for a long time and can be hard on your back and your knees. It gets harder when you are older.

I would have hired movers at 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just spent the weekend helping our recent college grad move into her first apartment. We are nearing sixty and we were sore from hauling boxes up and down the stairs in the heat!
The physical part of having kids goes on for a long time and can be hard on your back and your knees. It gets harder when you are older.

I would have hired movers at 40.

seriously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just spent the weekend helping our recent college grad move into her first apartment. We are nearing sixty and we were sore from hauling boxes up and down the stairs in the heat!
The physical part of having kids goes on for a long time and can be hard on your back and your knees. It gets harder when you are older.

I would have hired movers at 40.

seriously

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are three types of women who have kids later in life.

1. Those who for whatever reason couldn't find a suitable partner earlier.
2. Those with fertility problems.
3. Those who deliberately put having kids off until they felt "financially and professionally secure" or "mature."

I'm ok with (1) and (2). I think (3) is a mistake.

Just my opinion.

You don't have to be "ok" with any of it.
It's not your life. WTF

This thread is full of weirdos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted already, but I think one thing you should take into consideration is that you will have to adjust your expectations of grandparents and their relationships with you and their children. It’s simply harder on older grandparents, and I see it on here time and time again where people don’t understand that once people are hitting their 70s, travel and the like just becomes harder and less desirable *for them*, especially when it’s not pure pleasure travel like vegging out on a cruise ship or resort.

Yep. Your energy levels will be different. Some things will be easier, because of wisdom and experience, and some things will be harder, because of physical limitations. And the same will be true for grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just spent the weekend helping our recent college grad move into her first apartment. We are nearing sixty and we were sore from hauling boxes up and down the stairs in the heat!
The physical part of having kids goes on for a long time and can be hard on your back and your knees. It gets harder when you are older.

I would have hired movers at 40.

+1
One advantage of being older is that you likely earn more money. Use it.

[Anonymous]

I'm 30 but DH was 40 when our DD was born. The hardest thing by far is the sandwich generation stuff - dealing with elderly parents. That, and many 40somethings are in demanding points of their career. It was actually easier for me career-wise being more junior when I had a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are three types of women who have kids later in life.

1. Those who for whatever reason couldn't find a suitable partner earlier.
2. Those with fertility problems.
3. Those who deliberately put having kids off until they felt "financially and professionally secure" or "mature."

I'm ok with (1) and (2). I think (3) is a mistake.

Just my opinion.

Sounds like you are not financially/professionally secure (on your own!) Don’t take out your failure on others. Jealous much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30 but DH was 40 when our DD was born. The hardest thing by far is the sandwich generation stuff - dealing with elderly parents. That, and many 40somethings are in demanding points of their career. It was actually easier for me career-wise being more junior when I had a kid.

Why did you marry an old man? Should have married your own age and moved through life together. That’s on you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30 but DH was 40 when our DD was born. The hardest thing by far is the sandwich generation stuff - dealing with elderly parents. That, and many 40somethings are in demanding points of their career. It was actually easier for me career-wise being more junior when I had a kid.

Why did you marry an old man? Should have married your own age and moved through life together. That’s on you. Good luck!

You're a peach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this board so blithely say that people can have kids into their 40s. I mean, obviously they can. But it's so, so sad. None of the kids of such people have grandparents (or won't have them for long). And those people won't be involved with their grandchildren in turn. It's a crazy huge cultural shift that no one acknowledges.

It's more than just about grandparents, too. You're setting your children up to lose you so young. It's impossibly twisted and I wish people would think twice about having kids so late. But this board is all sunshine and roses, even for 45 yos (!!).

My mother had me when she was 39. She lived to see me married at 35 and to see her grandchildren, ages 9 and 13, before she died.

My grandmother is still healthy and active (walks over a mile a day) at age 96.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this board so blithely say that people can have kids into their 40s. I mean, obviously they can. But it's so, so sad. None of the kids of such people have grandparents (or won't have them for long). And those people won't be involved with their grandchildren in turn. It's a crazy huge cultural shift that no one acknowledges.

It's more than just about grandparents, too. You're setting your children up to lose you so young. It's impossibly twisted and I wish people would think twice about having kids so late. But this board is all sunshine and roses, even for 45 yos (!!).

My mother had me when she was 39. She lived to see me married at 35 and to see her grandchildren, ages 9 and 13, before she died.

My grandmother is still healthy and active (walks over a mile a day) at age 96.

I love this. My mom is 90 and swims laps 3 days a week and does aqua exercise the other 2. I (single mom by choice) had my kids at 41 and 44. I'm now 60 with 2 teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

this is the comment i was looking for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here we go with this same tired old topic again.

Look, the bottom line is simple: it's better to have kids young. Biology prefers it for a reason.

Of course older mothers are going to disagree, because they have to validate their choices or circumstances. All of this baloney about the benefits of having kids older -- being financially secure, having fun in your youth, etc. -- benefit the parents, not the kids. If, for example, you're a struggling grad student, having a kid doesn't hurt the kid because your future earnings potential is presumably high.

That's what we did. We got married in our early 20s, got our kids out of the way while going to grad school, and had all four before we were 30. Now our kids are full grown, and the parents of their kids' friends are closer to our age than theirs. And our kids didn't suffer economically, academically, or socially because we didn't wait until the timing was "perfect" by DCUM's definition. To the contrary, they thrived.

All these mamas lucky enough to find someone to marry in their 20s. Do you REALLY think most of us WANTED to meet our husbands so late and have kids so late? Would you rather we not have kids at all? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM BIZNOTCH?

this!!!!!!!

See, I applaud your honesty. The issue I have is with the older mothers who insist that it's the better course of action when it usually isn't.

DP, but there are many benefits to having kids when you're older than younger, mostly because adults are more stable (emotionally, financially, etc.). That's hard to get around. I know there are some benefits to having kids younger, but that's mostly around the ease of conceiving and remaining pregnant. That has little to do with the actual work of parenting.

I feel like posts like this are setting up false dilemmas where you're comparing teenagers with women who are 40+. Almost everywhere on the planet, a woman of, say, 25 is considered a fully formed adult, with her education complete, her health at the peak, and her emotional maturation complete, and certainly up to the challenges of parenting. It's not like adulthood begins at 40.