Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

How can you be unentitled and have an affair for 3 years. Having an affair with a patient is the height of entitlement - and he was married.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

Agree with others. Something is up with this husband. He’s not what he seems to you. He’s hiding his true self from you and that is leading him to cheat as his outlet. Also the fact that he took a risk in cheating with his patient tells me he’s driven to do these things because of his inner issues. He needs individual therapy.
No go for me with this guy. He’s got a lot to work through.

He’s 66, we have been married for 20 years to and together longer, I do know him. I think he loved her but wants our intact family. He is very into his role as a husband and father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Highly educated
Great earner (300k)
Dominant in bed and wants sex every day
Bald, average height, fit but slight dad bod
Quiet, tends to be more serious, but very kind
No friends
Very devoted to me and our young kids- sort of ignores his extended family
Good with his hands (can fix and build things)
Plays video games as his main hobby
A bit needy with my attention

Sex every day sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully you are newlyweds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Highly educated
Great earner (300k)
Dominant in bed and wants sex every day
Bald, average height, fit but slight dad bod
Quiet, tends to be more serious, but very kind
No friends
Very devoted to me and our young kids- sort of ignores his extended family
Good with his hands (can fix and build things)
Plays video games as his main hobby
A bit needy with my attention

Sex every day sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully you are newlyweds

Yes please!!!!!!! I would take him in a heartbeat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Highly educated
Great earner (300k)
Dominant in bed and wants sex every day
Bald, average height, fit but slight dad bod
Quiet, tends to be more serious, but very kind
No friends
Very devoted to me and our young kids- sort of ignores his extended family
Good with his hands (can fix and build things)
Plays video games as his main hobby
A bit needy with my attention

Sex every day sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully you are newlyweds

Yes please!!!!!!! I would take him in a heartbeat

I have a high sex drive, but I wouldn’t be into sex everyday (i have 2 under 3 though, so that might change in a few years). No friends and main hobby is video games would not be my cup of tea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Highly educated
Great earner (300k)
Dominant in bed and wants sex every day
Bald, average height, fit but slight dad bod
Quiet, tends to be more serious, but very kind
No friends
Very devoted to me and our young kids- sort of ignores his extended family
Good with his hands (can fix and build things)
Plays video games as his main hobby
A bit needy with my attention

Sex every day sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully you are newlyweds

Yes please!!!!!!! I would take him in a heartbeat

I have a high sex drive, but I wouldn’t be into sex everyday (i have 2 under 3 though, so that might change in a few years). No friends and main hobby is video games would not be my cup of tea.

Op of this DH here- ha, yes this is why we have 4 kids. We don’t have sex every day but he easily could and would like to!
The video games and no friends does bug me, but these were not issues when we were dating and decided to marry. Oh well. Not worth leaving him over.

[Anonymous]

Mine:

-good earner $300k
-good work life balance
-takes career seriously, highly respected at work
-funny sometimes
-very engaged father, does a lot of the grunt work
-very socially awkward
-doesn’t cook much
-generous
-holds onto resentment forever
-is mean when in disagreement
-likes to travel
-financially responsible
-doesn’t eat healthy, but not fat
-pretty much let’s me have whatever I want materially
-stubborn
-has a big ego
-very dependable
-comes from shitty family with bad values

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

We are married to the same woman. It sucks

Women would see my AP and say I affaires down because my wife is so beautiful and accomplished on paper but she is asexual. It's like the cruel twighlight zone movie where the guy has all the books in the world but his reading glasses broke.

NP, PP sums up my PHD wife. Looking to divorce next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine:

-good earner $300k
-good work life balance
-takes career seriously, highly respected at work
-funny sometimes
-very engaged father, does a lot of the grunt work
-very socially awkward
-doesn’t cook much
-generous
-holds onto resentment forever
-is mean when in disagreement
-likes to travel
-financially responsible
-doesn’t eat healthy, but not fat
-pretty much let’s me have whatever I want materially
-stubborn
-has a big ego
-very dependable
-comes from shitty family with bad values

Keeper!

[Anonymous]

Prioritizes family- keeps kids at the forefront, loves to do things with them, play etc.
Moderate high earner ($200k+) works normal hours (9-5 some weekend work of a few hours)
Always concerned with finances/money
Smart and worldy- always learning about new things/ the world around them. Does get depressed by the news/media.
Moderately messy, but does try to help out some.
Prepares or cleans up after the meal most of the time (one or the other).
needy emotionally- often feels their needs are less important to partner than the kids emotional needs- is somewhat threatened/saddened by this.
0 sex drive/desire. (sex maybe 2x year). bad at oral/mutual masturbation- no drive to practice/ make better.
recently diagnosed with depression now on meds.
low energy in general (doesn't enjoy big outings/events that will be longer than 4 hours, regardless of what they are).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prioritizes family- keeps kids at the forefront, loves to do things with them, play etc.
Moderate high earner ($200k+) works normal hours (9-5 some weekends-few hours)
Always concerned with finances/money
Smart and worldy- always learning about new things/ the world around them. Does get depressed by the news/media.
Moderately messy, but does try to help out some.
Prepares or cleans up after the meal most of the time (one or the other).
needy emotionally- often feels their needs are less important to partner than the kids emotional needs- is somewhat threatened/saddened by this.
0 sex drive/desire. (sex maybe 2x year). bad at oral/mutual masturbation- no drive to practice/ make better.
recently diagnosed with depression now on meds.
low energy in general (doesn't enjoy big outings/events that will be longer than 4 hours, regardless of what they are).

ADDING-
Always blames you for everything that goes wrong, ever. (example- a kid throws a toy at Spouse- spouse blames you for not actively blocking said toy...or it rains during an outing- blames you for not checking weather)
is really good looking/ in great shape- but judges you for your health choices constantly.
loves the children/great co-parent- but constantly judging you for how you choose to parent.
strict with kids- but also enjoys playing with them and teaching them.

[Anonymous]

my DH

high earner and very ambitious professionally
low engagement with kids
low emotional intelligence
high sex drive
objectively handsome
hyperfixates on whatever his particular self-improvement fad of the moment is
politically moderate
short attention span
misogynistic tendencies
loves dogs
disinterested/uncurious about topics outside of his work field

[Anonymous]

I go next

Somewhat high earner 300k
Has grad degrees from good schools. Graduated with honors.
Very intelligent when he wants to be, respected at work, great leader, people’s pleaser. Very likable, very charming.
Can be very active and can be very lazy. On weekends can lay on bed till lunch and watch stupid shows. Watches stupid shows every day in bed.
Can be extremely stubborn, don’t listen to what I am asking/talking, not paying enough attention to my words.
Loves to please me with actions thoughts- coffee in bed every day since the day we got married, loves to buy me gifts, cooks/orders anything I want.
Loved traveling, opera, ballet, very articulated, great taste.
Super controlling around the house, doesn’t let me clean anymore or do any homework.
Used to be not good with savings snd investments but got much better now.
Involved and controlling everything around including our neighborhood. On the board of our HOA even.
Good looking but short.
Ok in bed, not good in oral. Wants sex in the most inconvenient time, when I work on something important for example. High libido but not trying to warm me up, wants sex snd that’s it.
Drinks every single day.
My parents love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Sufficient earner
2. Respectful of women and others
3. Super responsible
4. Good housemate
5. Good father
6. Great manners
7. Great at doing errands and taking care of situations that arise
8. Takes care of all of our technology
9. Thoughtful (if he knows you like something he’ll buy it for you)
10. Super smart
11. Likes to go down on me - tries hard
12. Well read
13. Loves animals
14. Politically on the left
15. Good at planning vacations
16. Good cook
17. Generous tipper
18. Has learned over the years that it is best not to criticize how I do chores.
19. High integrity, trustworthy

1. Condescending
2. Gets defensive easily and turns the blame back on me
3. Doesn’t share things with me, e.g. health concerns
4. Prone to misery and negativity
5. Not frugal
6. Drinks 2+ drinks a night
7. Prone to fatness, currently 40 pounds overweight
8. Thoughtless in the most stupid ways
9. Not in shape, doesn’t care for exercise
10. Likes politics
11. Unhealthy eating
12. Will disagree with anything I say
13. Breaths loudly, sighs often
14. Controlling/bullying/sharp when angry or stressed
15. Not ambitious

I think we have the same husband except mine doesn’t sign but snores like a train.

[Anonymous]

Decent earner
Attractive and very fit
Super handy around the house
Has done lots of home renovations
Very talented musically
Has lots of diverse hobbies
Cooks many of our meals
Drops kids off and picks them up in the afternoon
Good in bed
Kids stress him out
Somewhat disengaged in the weekend- feels he's done enough during the week
Moody due to kids
Introvert- doesn't like doing social things with other families
Doesn't like playing with the kids

[Anonymous]

Bumping.