Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

I should add good looking, works out several times a week including weights and running, athletic and trim. Good dresser. Looks younger than his age.

I thought this would get more comments

Why? Your DH sounds ideal, you didn't mention one weakness unless you think being spanked is a negative. It's a harmless kink compared to most men and a fraction of what women who are cheated on deal with.

+Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Do we have the same wife? Over spends on fashion, egotistical, lost friends because of her god complex. Waiting until our son is older to divorce.

I think our situation is unfortunately common. Does your wife have any clue you are planning on leaving? Mine doesn't. Although how surprised can one be that your spouse left you after a decade of a sexless marriage

You could be describing a female friend of mine … she sleeps with other married men and plans to divorce when the youngest child goes to college.

[Anonymous]

My DH:

Extremely smart and funny
Makes okay money ($120k) but has summers off and only works 20ish hours in a normal week (college professor)
Cute, flexible, easy going
Never gets angry
Content to defer to me on everything
Will do anything I ask, but has ZERO initiative
Low sex drive and has ED; not interested in fixing it. No sex for a year
Very loving father but kind of a slacker-has to be told to put phone away and engage

I think I could roll with it but for the zero sex. We are in our 30s. Not sure how to cope but it’s really hard not to have that connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband:

High earner (~$500k)
Trust fund (~$5-10M)
In good shape and tall
Unique eye color
Cooks and cleans without being asked
Extremely patient, never yells
Loves animals, especially dogs
Great with our kids and does more than just the fun stuff
Supports my career by eagerly taking off work for unexpected last minute things and attends kid meetings instead of me
Conscientious about social issues like sexism, racism, wealth inequality
Expensive hobbies that put us in touch with the rich and powerful
Medium libido, 1-2x per week
Bi
Talks constantly about own hobbies and interests
Understands nothing about finance, spends a lot, I manage everything
Emotionally needy, needs constant verbal affirmation
Expects that I defer to him in major life decisions
Works constantly, always on screens, dips out of events to make calls
No grad degree, state school undergrad
Not interested in giving head
Job brings public scrutiny and death threats
Meddling family who have tried to break us apart

Bi? Sorry, total deal breaker

... but maybe the poster is a man?

What would that have to do with me? I said for me it would be a deal breaker. Also how do you know I’m not a man? A lot of gay people don’t want to be with bi people.

This is so sad given that there were so many other attributes listed.

It's sad that people have preferences?

You hate bi people so much that you wouldn't give a bi man a chance for $10M? LOL.

Nice. Let’s shame people for having preferences. Not the PP, but I don’t and won’t date bi either. By the way do you also gaslight/shame people about seeking consent? That’s about preferences too, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
-when he sneezes it sounds like his head just exploded

OMG, yes! Mine too. His list of negatives is short by my god his sneezes probably set off car alarms two counties away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Do we have the same wife? Over spends on fashion, egotistical, lost friends because of her god complex. Waiting until our son is older to divorce.

I see these wives all over certain areas, and they just look like too much work, at any price. Life is too short!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Do we have the same wife? Over spends on fashion, egotistical, lost friends because of her god complex. Waiting until our son is older to divorce.

I see these wives all over certain areas, and they just look like too much work, at any price. Life is too short!

This is my DH minus the cooking and fashion. I’m tired of living with a “roommate” and not a true partner. I’m leaving as soon as kids are older. I’d rather be alone than in a relationship without intimacy. What kind of man doesn’t want sex on a regular basis? And yes I have asked him if he is gay but he denies and I haven’t seen any evidence. I think he suffers from some kind of low level depression. I’m spontaneous and fun and we are such a mismatch. We are good friends but I don’t want to be married to my friend.

[Anonymous]

My wife:

- very attractive, in shape, takes care of herself
- excellent cook
- good mother
- listens and adjusts to my concerns
- low/no sex drive. Not interested, initiates once per six months
- will have sex/be intimate on request
- high earner
- highly educated
- suffers from depression following PPD
- we still have fun together, hard to find time with our jobs but when we do its fun
- has difficulty sharing emotions

[Anonymous]

My husband:

Smart (Harvard undergrad)
Good earner (300K salary in his mid-30s)
Sophisticated taste when it comes to literature, film, art, music
Great father - very hands on with our kids and emotionally responsive
Splits household tasks 50/50
Loves dogs
Very in touch with his emotions/not afraid of emotions
High sex drive- good lover, but more focused on his own pleasure
Self righteous (has a difficult time admitting he’s wrong)
In good shape (6’1 and 175) and stays active
Not good at budgeting (I do all the budgeting and keep us on track financially)
Expensive taste, especially when traveling (will only stay at 4 and 5 star hotels)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

Agree with others. Something is up with this husband. He’s not what he seems to you. He’s hiding his true self from you and that is leading him to cheat as his outlet. Also the fact that he took a risk in cheating with his patient tells me he’s driven to do these things because of his inner issues. He needs individual therapy.
No go for me with this guy. He’s got a lot to work through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

Agree with others. Something is up with this husband. He’s not what he seems to you. He’s hiding his true self from you and that is leading him to cheat as his outlet. Also the fact that he took a risk in cheating with his patient tells me he’s driven to do these things because of his inner issues. He needs individual therapy.
No go for me with this guy. He’s got a lot to work through.

He’s 66, we have been married for 20 years to and together longer, I do know him. I think he loved her but wants our intact family. He is very into his role as a husband and father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

- very attractive, in shape, takes care of herself
- excellent cook
- good mother
- listens and adjusts to my concerns
- low/no sex drive. Not interested, initiates once per six months
- will have sex/be intimate on request
- high earner
- highly educated
- suffers from depression following PPD
- we still have fun together, hard to find time with our jobs but when we do its fun
- has difficulty sharing emotions

I wouldn't take this but it's hard to know if you are better off divorced. I would end up cheating on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

Agree with others. Something is up with this husband. He’s not what he seems to you. He’s hiding his true self from you and that is leading him to cheat as his outlet. Also the fact that he took a risk in cheating with his patient tells me he’s driven to do these things because of his inner issues. He needs individual therapy.
No go for me with this guy. He’s got a lot to work through.

He’s 66, we have been married for 20 years to and together longer, I do know him. I think he loved her but wants our intact family. He is very into his role as a husband and father.

Are you wife #2? What happened to #1?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

Agree with others. Something is up with this husband. He’s not what he seems to you. He’s hiding his true self from you and that is leading him to cheat as his outlet. Also the fact that he took a risk in cheating with his patient tells me he’s driven to do these things because of his inner issues. He needs individual therapy.
No go for me with this guy. He’s got a lot to work through.

He’s 66, we have been married for 20 years to and together longer, I do know him. I think he loved her but wants our intact family. He is very into his role as a husband and father.

Are you wife #2? What happened to #1?

I am wife #1. We were together monogamously for years and only decided to get married when we decided to have children, so the kids would have married parents. Then it took a while and we needed help. I was 44 when we had them he was 50.

[Anonymous]

My DH:
Highly educated
Great earner (300k)
Dominant in bed and wants sex every day
Bald, average height, fit but slight dad bod
Quiet, tends to be more serious, but very kind
No friends
Very devoted to me and our young kids- sort of ignores his extended family
Good with his hands (can fix and build things)
Plays video games as his main hobby
A bit needy with my attention