SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?
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Anonymous
I mean, obviously people are different but my husband always knew this was the way it was going to go. You can't ask someone to dip out of the workforce for 10-15 years (which is what it was for us with our kids' ages plus the Pandemic) then jump back in after such a long gap. He always said, you're putting in the hard work up front then you get to "retire" early. He has no problem with the fact that I have a lot of leisure time to myself. I still do the cleaning, laundry, chores, etc. but yeah I do have a lot of leisure time, which we both see as a perk of the "job." |
Anonymous
Well, millions of women do it. You have a charmed life. |
Anonymous
Millions of women do it because they can’t afford another option (either SAH or hiring out yard work, cleaning, etc.) |
Anonymous
This is always puzzling. A lot of the justification here is, "you should SAH because all husbands suck," when they really should read, "I SAH because *my* husband sucks, and if I didn't SAH I'd be very resentful." Those are nto the same thing. |
Anonymous
+1 Not all of us married helpless manbabies. |
Anonymous
| All these "I don't want to" posts are obnoxious. |
Anonymous
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I don't get all the responses from WOHMs that make it seem like they are heroes for working more. Yes, families with SAHMs overall work less because instead of two jobs plus all the house duties, there is one job plus all the house duties. It is just much nicer for everyone if you can swing it.
And I am puzzled by all the WOHMs on here who are low status feds, or middle managers at some company or NGO, who make it seem like they have this amazing professional life that they'd never want to give up to raise kids or take care of the home. I mean, whatever you have to tell yourself.... |
Anonymous
Sure. Even though I WOH, having time to get chores done is a huge benefit of my being at home during the school day. It’s right up there with being home when school closes, snow days, teacher work days, sick kids, doctor’s appointments, and all of the other things that SAHMs mention when asked what they do during the school day. That doesn’t mean that those things are my entire contribution to the world or that I consider those hours during the school day to be my main job. If you want to know what SAHMs are doing, then ask what they are doing when their kids are home. Asking what they are doing during their downtime and the judging them for taking a shower is ridiculous. |
Anonymous
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I don't care if you SAHM or WOHM (I have done both) but there is way too much martyrdom on this thread. It's okay to not be "productive" 100% of the time. It's okay to have free time and be able to relax, and that is not something that should be reserved for rich people or SAHMs with "high earning" husbands. It's a basic human right.
I work part time both because it allows me to present for my kid after school, but ALSO because it allows me to have more free time and not have to go-go-go all the time, which is what working full time would be for me. I basically had an epiphany during my maternity leave where I realized that I don't need to feel guilty for doing things like reading a novel on a Tuesday afternoon or spending a lazy morning wandering a museum with my kid. It's okay to enjoy your life and to not be producing all the time, regardless of how you and your family arrange your work/family balance or your finances. We are solidly middle class (combined HHI of around 140k) and could have a lot more money if we both worked more demanding careers. We don't want to. We want to enjoy our life. We impress the importance of work and financial stability on our child, but we are also teaching her the value of having boundaries with your work and not losing track of what really matters. |
Anonymous
People always tell themselves a lot of things to get through their days. This is the same category of delusion as some of the DCUM SAHMs who live with controlling, condescending, jerks of men who obviously see their wives as little more than glorified servants. They can talk all they want about their amazing marriage and partnership but as an outsider, the truth of their marriage is immediately obvious from their own descriptions of their lives. The truth is that people on DCUM write a lot that's performative in the SAHM/WOHM DCUM thunderdomes. If you are actually "puzzled" by this, welcome to the internet. Ask your kids how it works. |
Anonymous
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To the poster who said "work is just for money"...where did you get this viewpoint?
If you mother had been a a scientist or oncologist or your father had been a therapist or human rights lawyer...you might not feel this way. Many people devote their work lives to making the world a better place. That is a great source of pride and inspiration for their children. Sort of sad that you don't get that. |
Anonymous
But if your breadwinner DH isn’t willing to pay for it, you can’t afford it unless you have your own trust. |
Anonymous
My guess is that most mothers who SAH do so for a short period. After a job loss or a family move, they take a year or two to spend with the children before going back into the workforce. Or they take off work from maternity leave until their last child goes to preschool or K. Or they work through the early years with daycares or nannies, and stop later, to be more available for their teens. Or they go back to work as empty nesters. There are many reasons that people go back to paid employment after spending time away. I find this whole thread to be strange and limiting. Scheduling out the next few decades of your own life is either a privilege, or boring/dull, or both. |
Anonymous
I say this as part of a couple where we both have jobs that you mentioned on your list...your work life is not a source of pride and inspiration for your children. Maybe it will be when they become adults, but children, adolescents, and even young adults are generally pretty self-centered when it comes to their relationship with their parents. |
Anonymous
My mother’s work was absolutely a source of pride for me as a kid. She wasn’t even anything really cool like a civil rights lawyer, just an executive at a midsized corporation. But she had a secretary and reports and I thought that was amazing. |