SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Get your ass back to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Why do you assume our husbands are like your husbands who do nothing around the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: what do you do with the six+ Hours when your kids are out of the house? I can’t imagine having that much time for myself every day. I mean, any logistics/chores could all be done within three hours. And with no boss breathing down your neck. I can see how your husband could be resentful.

Not OP but it isn’t that much time. Not OP, but I workout at a gym daily and between going there, taking a shower, running some errands, cleaning up areas of the house (I do a daily pick up plus deep clean parts on a weekly schedule), yard work, I bake our bread daily and cook meals from scratch and that is very time consuming too. Six hours flies by.

I went back and reread this post and honestly think this person has to be trolling and mocking SAHMs. I honestly don't see any SAHM listing showering as a meaningful contribution, I just don't.

I agree. It seems like folks are just baiting each other with nonsense comments.

A SAHM defines her job as parenting. When you ask what she does when the kids are in school and she isn’t parenting, then you are going to get a list of leisure activities.

I work about 30 hours a week, in person, in healthcare. Most of my work hours are not during school hours.
If you ask me what I do during the school day, I will have pretty much the same answer as the SAHMs on this thread. I take the kids to and from school, do some housework, shower, read, see friends, call my mom, take the kids to the dentist, etc.
Just because someone is not working during the hours you work doesn’t mean they are lazy, never working, or leading a meaningless life.

If my DH told me to get another job from 7-3 while the kids are in school, I would tell him that I’m not doing two jobs. And if my husband expected me to do all of the housework/meal prep, random logistics with the house and kids, and be responsible for all childcare every evening and weekend, I would say the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your ass back to work

Op doesn't want to work. She wants to fill her days doing things that are of interest to her, she can't do that at work. The problem is she failed to mention that this was her long-term plan pre marriage or when she said she wanted to stay home a few years while the kids were babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: what do you do with the six+ Hours when your kids are out of the house? I can’t imagine having that much time for myself every day. I mean, any logistics/chores could all be done within three hours. And with no boss breathing down your neck. I can see how your husband could be resentful.

Not OP but it isn’t that much time. Not OP, but I workout at a gym daily and between going there, taking a shower, running some errands, cleaning up areas of the house (I do a daily pick up plus deep clean parts on a weekly schedule), yard work, I bake our bread daily and cook meals from scratch and that is very time consuming too. Six hours flies by.

I went back and reread this post and honestly think this person has to be trolling and mocking SAHMs. I honestly don't see any SAHM listing showering as a meaningful contribution, I just don't.

I agree. It seems like folks are just baiting each other with nonsense comments.

A SAHM defines her job as parenting. When you ask what she does when the kids are in school and she isn’t parenting, then you are going to get a list of leisure activities.

I work about 30 hours a week, in person, in healthcare. Most of my work hours are not during school hours.
If you ask me what I do during the school day, I will have pretty much the same answer as the SAHMs on this thread. I take the kids to and from school, do some housework, shower, read, see friends, call my mom, take the kids to the dentist, etc.
Just because someone is not working during the hours you work doesn’t mean they are lazy, never working, or leading a meaningless life.

If my DH told me to get another job from 7-3 while the kids are in school, I would tell him that I’m not doing two jobs. And if my husband expected me to do all of the housework/meal prep, random logistics with the house and kids, and be responsible for all childcare every evening and weekend, I would say the same thing.

The thing is most SAHMs highlight the importance of their being at home beyond the preschool years as being able to take care of household chores, so not leisure time this listing showering and going to the gym seems a bit out of place.

[Anonymous]

Having not read all the replies...

I am in Biglaw and most of my partners have SAH wives. None of them complain about that aspect, I suppose because money isn't an issue. The complaints are more about the generic stuff, lack of time, sex, vacations, etc.

If you are a good, loving wife most men aren't going to care about the money if they make enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Why do you assume our husbands are like your husbands who do nothing around the house?

No. No one thought your husband was allowed to relax, have his own friends, or have time to himself. He probably has to hide in the bathroom if he wants twenty minutes alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: what do you do with the six+ Hours when your kids are out of the house? I can’t imagine having that much time for myself every day. I mean, any logistics/chores could all be done within three hours. And with no boss breathing down your neck. I can see how your husband could be resentful.

Not OP but it isn’t that much time. Not OP, but I workout at a gym daily and between going there, taking a shower, running some errands, cleaning up areas of the house (I do a daily pick up plus deep clean parts on a weekly schedule), yard work, I bake our bread daily and cook meals from scratch and that is very time consuming too. Six hours flies by.

I went back and reread this post and honestly think this person has to be trolling and mocking SAHMs. I honestly don't see any SAHM listing showering as a meaningful contribution, I just don't.

I agree. It seems like folks are just baiting each other with nonsense comments.

A SAHM defines her job as parenting. When you ask what she does when the kids are in school and she isn’t parenting, then you are going to get a list of leisure activities.

I work about 30 hours a week, in person, in healthcare. Most of my work hours are not during school hours.
If you ask me what I do during the school day, I will have pretty much the same answer as the SAHMs on this thread. I take the kids to and from school, do some housework, shower, read, see friends, call my mom, take the kids to the dentist, etc.
Just because someone is not working during the hours you work doesn’t mean they are lazy, never working, or leading a meaningless life.

If my DH told me to get another job from 7-3 while the kids are in school, I would tell him that I’m not doing two jobs. And if my husband expected me to do all of the housework/meal prep, random logistics with the house and kids, and be responsible for all childcare every evening and weekend, I would say the same thing.

The thing is most SAHMs highlight the importance of their being at home beyond the preschool years as being able to take care of household chores, so not leisure time this listing showering and going to the gym seems a bit out of place.

No. They really don’t. Most SAHMs consider the importance of their being at home as being able to take care of their families, not their houses or their chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: what do you do with the six+ Hours when your kids are out of the house? I can’t imagine having that much time for myself every day. I mean, any logistics/chores could all be done within three hours. And with no boss breathing down your neck. I can see how your husband could be resentful.

Not OP but it isn’t that much time. Not OP, but I workout at a gym daily and between going there, taking a shower, running some errands, cleaning up areas of the house (I do a daily pick up plus deep clean parts on a weekly schedule), yard work, I bake our bread daily and cook meals from scratch and that is very time consuming too. Six hours flies by.

I went back and reread this post and honestly think this person has to be trolling and mocking SAHMs. I honestly don't see any SAHM listing showering as a meaningful contribution, I just don't.

I agree. It seems like folks are just baiting each other with nonsense comments.

A SAHM defines her job as parenting. When you ask what she does when the kids are in school and she isn’t parenting, then you are going to get a list of leisure activities.

I work about 30 hours a week, in person, in healthcare. Most of my work hours are not during school hours.
If you ask me what I do during the school day, I will have pretty much the same answer as the SAHMs on this thread. I take the kids to and from school, do some housework, shower, read, see friends, call my mom, take the kids to the dentist, etc.
Just because someone is not working during the hours you work doesn’t mean they are lazy, never working, or leading a meaningless life.

If my DH told me to get another job from 7-3 while the kids are in school, I would tell him that I’m not doing two jobs. And if my husband expected me to do all of the housework/meal prep, random logistics with the house and kids, and be responsible for all childcare every evening and weekend, I would say the same thing.

The thing is most SAHMs highlight the importance of their being at home beyond the preschool years as being able to take care of household chores, so not leisure time this listing showering and going to the gym seems a bit out of place.

No. They really don’t. Most SAHMs consider the importance of their being at home as being able to take care of their families, not their houses or their chores.

Yes and 99 % of the time when being a SAHM is discussed they highlight taking care of household chores as a huge benefit. It's mentioned right in this very thread. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP, what discussions did you and DH have about all this before you had kids? Was it “take a few years off while kids are little” or was it made plain you intended to opt out of the workforce forever?

My DH was up front before we were even married that he was looking for an equal partner to contribute to family finances and build wealth, and that while he would support my taking some time off during the little kid stage, he was not interested in being married to a permanent SAHM. My response was, great, because I’m looking for an equal partner in household management and childcare - which my DH is.

I hate cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household drudgery so no way am I cut out to be a permanent SAHM. Id only do that if we were mega-rich and could afford to outsource all household chores and I could basically be a lady of leisure, but that is a pipe dream! No hate for people to have that lifestyle though, and certainly no hate for people who enjoy homemaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Why do you assume our husbands are like your husbands who do nothing around the house?

No. No one thought your husband was allowed to relax, have his own friends, or have time to himself. He probably has to hide in the bathroom if he wants twenty minutes alone.

In your spare time during the day work on reading comprehension and forming a cohesive argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what discussions did you and DH have about all this before you had kids? Was it “take a few years off while kids are little” or was it made plain you intended to opt out of the workforce forever?

My DH was up front before we were even married that he was looking for an equal partner to contribute to family finances and build wealth, and that while he would support my taking some time off during the little kid stage, he was not interested in being married to a permanent SAHM. My response was, great, because I’m looking for an equal partner in household management and childcare - which my DH is.

I hate cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household drudgery so no way am I cut out to be a permanent SAHM. Id only do that if we were mega-rich and could afford to outsource all household chores and I could basically be a lady of leisure, but that is a pipe dream! No hate for people to have that lifestyle though, and certainly no hate for people who enjoy homemaking.

The idea that you can only keep a home if you do it 24/7 is so retrograde.

If you want to not work watch your kids and bake all day it's totally fine but let's not act like it's something no other adult does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your ass back to work

Op doesn't want to work. She wants to fill her days doing things that are of interest to her, she can't do that at work. The problem is she failed to mention that this was her long-term plan pre marriage or when she said she wanted to stay home a few years while the kids were babies.

Maybe PP was referring to all the “working” moms posting on DCUM while they on the clock at their very important jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having not read all the replies...

I am in Biglaw and most of my partners have SAH wives. None of them complain about that aspect, I suppose because money isn't an issue. The complaints are more about the generic stuff, lack of time, sex, vacations, etc.

If you are a good, loving wife most men aren't going to care about the money if they make enough.

In certain fields having a SAHM is as much about image as it is anything else.

And you have a very simple view of men which simply isn't true.