Click here for Bad Advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which toilet seat should I buy for my commode?

You don’t need a toilet. You should use a compost pit in your backyard. If your neighbors complain, build a fence, but don’t tell them.

We started this trend years ago. Built our like right by the old playground set everyone loved. For some reasons we don’t see the neighborhood kids as much, but our grass looks amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many potatoes should I prepare for my dinner party?

Zero. Instead, try two asparagus spears per person.

Unless they are vegan. If they are, don’t even bother inviting them inside. Just throw a bag of frozen peas & carrots at their car as they drive by your house.

So trashy.

Throw fresh peas. And fresh carrots.

Signed,
A Southern charmer with class. and Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't afford private but my neighbors all say DCPS/MCPS/FCPS suck and will ruin the children forever. What do I do?

Take them to an orphanage. If you can't find any in the US, send them to one overseas.

Alone. On a ship. Called the Titanic. Find the time machine lady and make sure you go back to 1912 before sending so they won’t travel alone. Much better option than DCPS/MCPS/FCPS in 2021. You may save the intelligence and educational DNA of your bloodline if you do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many potatoes should I prepare for my dinner party?

Zero. Instead, try two asparagus spears per person.

Unless they are vegan. If they are, don’t even bother inviting them inside. Just throw a bag of frozen peas & carrots at their car as they drive by your house.

So trashy.

Throw fresh peas. And fresh carrots.

Signed,
A Southern charmer with class. and Jesus.

Absolutely not. Why should I have to go out of my way to accommodate a dietary CHOICE?? Plus, if the frozen peas are hard enough, maybe it’ll knock them dead and that’s one less vegan to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Potato poster here. Follow on question: i understand that the formula to calculate asparagus spears (2) and potatoes (never more than 9) per guest is dependent upon the percentage of vegans in attendance, because it is common knowledge that all vegans are self centered potato piggies. Can my daughter help calculate this, as she is taking algebra in 7th grade. Oops, did I mention that AGAIN?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potato poster here. Follow on question: i understand that the formula to calculate asparagus spears (2) and potatoes (never more than 9) per guest is dependent upon the percentage of vegans in attendance, because it is common knowledge that all vegans are self centered potato piggies. Can my daughter help calculate this, as she is taking algebra in 7th grade. Oops, did I mention that AGAIN?

Depends. Are these the same vegans that are on the receiving end of thrown frozen bags of peas and carrots?

[Anonymous]

My neighbor recently put up scarlet drapes but it does not match the mint vinyl siding of her home nor the teal walls. She also uses cheap faucets in the bathroom from a hardware store. With them darned curtains I feel like I am living next to a Red Light District making me more and more uncomfortable each day. What next, pole dancing on the lamp post outside?

I have politely inserted into our conversations that she ought to tone it down and have mauve drapes with navy blue walls --teal just isn't in these days, you know, but she brushes me off. I placed a brochure of designer bathroom faucets into her mailbox as a hint but she never changed the faucets either. Now she has stopped inviting me to her home and makes excuses when I come over to chat. How ungrateful can someone be?

So, to make a long story short, at the next HOA meeting I put forth a motion that there should be no scarlet curtains in the neighborhood, and everyone should have high quality faucets which would maintain the high property values in the neighborhood. Nobody seconded my motion.

Now what do I do? I am thinking of selling my home and moving away because I cannot stand it anymore. That will teach these people if they want to live like stupid goofballs with their stupid scarlet drapes then to hell with them. I have HAD it with these people and I cannot believe how stupid people are and won't accept a reasonable suggestion now and then.

Phew! Okay, rant over. Yeah, it bothers me but really, SCARLET DRAPES? Who but low class trash would put up scarlet drapes in their house? Who the blank does that? I cannot believe it and I'm so mad I could spit on her house or just burn it down, then I'll buy up all the scarlet drapes all around and she'll be forced to use some other color. But not ocher, she better not, because I don't like ocher either.

SCARLET DRAPES!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 12 years, 3 months, and 27 days. When is he going to pop the question? I'm tired of waiting!

Sorry. He is sleeping with your sister. She gives him bjs. That’s why he hasn’t proposed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 12 years, 3 months, and 27 days. When is he going to pop the question? I'm tired of waiting!

Sorry. He is sleeping with your sister. She gives him bjs. That’s why he hasn’t proposed.

So your solution, obviously, is to join them. Maybe then he'll pop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor recently put up scarlet drapes but it does not match the mint vinyl siding of her home nor the teal walls. She also uses cheap faucets in the bathroom from a hardware store. With them darned curtains I feel like I am living next to a Red Light District making me more and more uncomfortable each day. What next, pole dancing on the lamp post outside?

I have politely inserted into our conversations that she ought to tone it down and have mauve drapes with navy blue walls --teal just isn't in these days, you know, but she brushes me off. I placed a brochure of designer bathroom faucets into her mailbox as a hint but she never changed the faucets either. Now she has stopped inviting me to her home and makes excuses when I come over to chat. How ungrateful can someone be?

So, to make a long story short, at the next HOA meeting I put forth a motion that there should be no scarlet curtains in the neighborhood, and everyone should have high quality faucets which would maintain the high property values in the neighborhood. Nobody seconded my motion.

Now what do I do? I am thinking of selling my home and moving away because I cannot stand it anymore. That will teach these people if they want to live like stupid goofballs with their stupid scarlet drapes then to hell with them. I have HAD it with these people and I cannot believe how stupid people are and won't accept a reasonable suggestion now and then.

Phew! Okay, rant over. Yeah, it bothers me but really, SCARLET DRAPES? Who but low class trash would put up scarlet drapes in their house? Who the blank does that? I cannot believe it and I'm so mad I could spit on her house or just burn it down, then I'll buy up all the scarlet drapes all around and she'll be forced to use some other color. But not ocher, she better not, because I don't like ocher either.

SCARLET DRAPES!

Walk around with a wad of dollar bills and shove them in her waist line and bra every time you see her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potato poster here. Follow on question: i understand that the formula to calculate asparagus spears (2) and potatoes (never more than 9) per guest is dependent upon the percentage of vegans in attendance, because it is common knowledge that all vegans are self centered potato piggies. Can my daughter help calculate this, as she is taking algebra in 7th grade. Oops, did I mention that AGAIN?

Is she taking algebra at a non W school? If so you need to put your kid in private if you care about her education?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Potato poster here. Follow on question: i understand that the formula to calculate asparagus spears (2) and potatoes (never more than 9) per guest is dependent upon the percentage of vegans in attendance, because it is common knowledge that all vegans are self centered potato piggies. Can my daughter help calculate this, as she is taking algebra in 7th grade. Oops, did I mention that AGAIN?

Is she taking algebra at a non W school? If so you need to put your kid in private if you care about her education?

The logical trajectory of these potato questions are a big red flag signalling a divorce, or a deep rupture in the relationship. I suggest therapy ASAP, and counseling, so that your future is not ruined over this issue. Lives are at stake here, your sanity is at stake....and mmmm steak...juicy, tender, medium-well steak with mushrooms, gravy, and mashed potatoes.

What was the question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Potato poster here. Follow on question: i understand that the formula to calculate asparagus spears (2) and potatoes (never more than 9) per guest is dependent upon the percentage of vegans in attendance, because it is common knowledge that all vegans are self centered potato piggies. Can my daughter help calculate this, as she is taking algebra in 7th grade. Oops, did I mention that AGAIN?

Is she taking algebra at a non W school? If so you need to put your kid in private if you care about her education?

And if you put her in private, it has to be Sidwell Friends or nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potato poster here. Follow on question: i understand that the formula to calculate asparagus spears (2) and potatoes (never more than 9) per guest is dependent upon the percentage of vegans in attendance, because it is common knowledge that all vegans are self centered potato piggies. Can my daughter help calculate this, as she is taking algebra in 7th grade. Oops, did I mention that AGAIN?

I hope you aren't putting garlic on your potatoes. Don't be a Becky.

[Anonymous]

My sister tells me that I’m not supposed to flush tampons or the applicators. How can I tell her she’s wrong and being ridiculous? She also wants me to use some cup in my panties. What should I do?