Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

I don’t have the loud kid, but I do have the kid people sometimes think is weird. I’d be rightfully pissed if someone I considered a friend said something rude about my kid in this way. It’s one of the unspoken rules of parenting— you don’t talk shit about other people’s kids. You can discuss privately with your spouse or another adult not in your circle, but that’s it. Who gossips about a child? That’s tacky as hell.

Btw, OP, my kid used to be in a co-op where parents volunteered, and the loud kid became my favorite kid (after my own of course). Yes, he was louder than the other kids and could be wild. But he also loved super heroes and would come to school dressed as Batman or Spider-Man and we’d hang out and talk about super powers when he needed to take a break from the room. That was years ago and I still have such tenderness for that kid. People who write off the loud kids are missing out. Their loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP here. I replied with Wow - had no idea you felt that way about my kid. And hate finding out this way.

The texter replied - "I'm sorry. Having a bad day and he was really loud last time we were together. Not personal. Must be too much time with family this weekend" with a stressed wine emoji.

So I guess that's that...

You can always reply with a 👍🏼 The ladies on RHOSLC tell me that means “f you.” 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have the loud kid, but I do have the kid people sometimes think is weird. I’d be rightfully pissed if someone I considered a friend said something rude about my kid in this way. It’s one of the unspoken rules of parenting— you don’t talk shit about other people’s kids. You can discuss privately with your spouse or another adult not in your circle, but that’s it. Who gossips about a child? That’s tacky as hell.

Btw, OP, my kid used to be in a co-op where parents volunteered, and the loud kid became my favorite kid (after my own of course). Yes, he was louder than the other kids and could be wild. But he also loved super heroes and would come to school dressed as Batman or Spider-Man and we’d hang out and talk about super powers when he needed to take a break from the room. That was years ago and I still have such tenderness for that kid. People who write off the loud kids are missing out. Their loss.

No kidding! The loudest most ADHD kid is also the kid who has been extremely kind to my own kid. I LOVE that kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just got a bunch of side texts from a few other moms horrified and apologizing.
I have yet to chime into the group thread (nobody has).
Letting it sit for a few.

I wouldn’t trust those moms either.

It’s likely that the mean poster felt very comfortable posting the nasty comment because they’ve discussed it in the past.

A side text is a way to talk out of both sides. If they were truly horrified they would have replied all. It’s not rocket science.

Not if you know anything about etiquette... you don’t call people out publicly. Jeez, where were you raised?

[Anonymous]

Why shouldn’t she be called out publicly? What duty do the other people on the text chain have to save her face?

Why aren’t you asking where the texters were raised? Frankly I don’t think there is anything wrong with clear direct discussion. I do have a problem with behind the back bullshit. To me, that is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just got a bunch of side texts from a few other moms horrified and apologizing.
I have yet to chime into the group thread (nobody has).
Letting it sit for a few.

I wouldn’t trust those moms either.

It’s likely that the mean poster felt very comfortable posting the nasty comment because they’ve discussed it in the past.

A side text is a way to talk out of both sides. If they were truly horrified they would have replied all. It’s not rocket science.

Not if you know anything about etiquette... you don’t call people out publicly. Jeez, where were you raised?

I agree a group pile on isn’t the best way to handle. It makes sense to wait and see how the person who was hurt reacts, because you might not have the right context.

That said, I wouldn’t assume someone who sent a private text saying she was horrified really has your back. A lot of people instinctively tell people what they think they want to hear, out of a desire to be liked by everyone. So some of these women might also be texting the offender, saying, “I agree he’s the worst! I am so sorry she’s making a big deal of this.” Unfortunately, it can take some time to know who is a real friend and who is just kind of a friendly acquaintance. But people always show their true colors eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just got a bunch of side texts from a few other moms horrified and apologizing.
I have yet to chime into the group thread (nobody has).
Letting it sit for a few.

I wouldn’t trust those moms either.

It’s likely that the mean poster felt very comfortable posting the nasty comment because they’ve discussed it in the past.

A side text is a way to talk out of both sides. If they were truly horrified they would have replied all. It’s not rocket science.

Not if you know anything about etiquette... you don’t call people out publicly. Jeez, where were you raised?

I agree a group pile on isn’t the best way to handle. It makes sense to wait and see how the person who was hurt reacts, because you might not have the right context.

That said, I wouldn’t assume someone who sent a private text saying she was horrified really has your back. A lot of people instinctively tell people what they think they want to hear, out of a desire to be liked by everyone. So some of these women might also be texting the offender, saying, “I agree he’s the worst! I am so sorry she’s making a big deal of this.” Unfortunately, it can take some time to know who is a real friend and who is just kind of a friendly acquaintance. But people always show their true colors eventually.

You sound like a drama queen.

It’s not that deep. One woman is an a-hole.

Of course you side text that she is crazy.

Then you move on knowing she is crazy. These are friends through children not life long friends for life. Some are nice, some aren’t.. who really cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why shouldn’t she be called out publicly? What duty do the other people on the text chain have to save her face?

Why aren’t you asking where the texters were raised? Frankly I don’t think there is anything wrong with clear direct discussion. I do have a problem with behind the back bullshit. To me, that is rude.

Two wrongs do t make a right.

This i am woman year me roar is just theater.

There is no question the rude woman was rude. She knows it, she apologized. She sucks! Don’t be her friend. You don’t need to announce every time you realize somebody isn’t good enough to be your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were that woman I’d want to melt into the face of the earth. Based on her response she really has no shame. Not someone I’d want to be friends with.

Totally agree. She has zero shame and seems quite well versed in snappy comebacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were that woman I’d want to melt into the face of the earth. Based on her response she really has no shame. Not someone I’d want to be friends with.

+1. Her non-apology response was so lame. I don’t think you even need to reply further. Just drop this woman/the whole group unless you think your son really benefits from it. If you do stay in the group, I just would not engage w this particular woman any further. What a clueless jerk.

No one defended OP’s son means the others agreed.

Not necessarily. I'm guessing this is a group of predominantly white women, who have been socialized/allowed not to confront incivility. The wine "jokes" are a dead giveaway of the type of group we're dealing with here - UMC white women who "just want everyone to get along." It means they will side with the jerk, and the bully, and let comments like this slide because they don't want the drama of telling someone they are behaving badly.

Basically, they've never really had to fight for anything, or stand up for anyone, and they aren't about to start now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg the drama that has been invented here is mind boggling

The texter didn’t belittle, pick on, gossip about, bully or any other such nonsense any child via text.

The texter was honest about an obnoxious kid. Every single poster here has had similar conversations about some kid in their circle of friends.

Your parents didn’t raise you right or you have a screw loose. People who put other people’s children down, are usually shitty parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have the loud kid, but I do have the kid people sometimes think is weird. I’d be rightfully pissed if someone I considered a friend said something rude about my kid in this way. It’s one of the unspoken rules of parenting— you don’t talk shit about other people’s kids. You can discuss privately with your spouse or another adult not in your circle, but that’s it. Who gossips about a child? That’s tacky as hell.

Btw, OP, my kid used to be in a co-op where parents volunteered, and the loud kid became my favorite kid (after my own of course). Yes, he was louder than the other kids and could be wild. But he also loved super heroes and would come to school dressed as Batman or Spider-Man and we’d hang out and talk about super powers when he needed to take a break from the room. That was years ago and I still have such tenderness for that kid. People who write off the loud kids are missing out. Their loss.

+1 There was an amazing kid in one of my kids' second grade classes. He asked 50,000 questions. You could tell people were tired of it but wow, what a mind. I hope he doesn't get defeated before he has a chance to blossom in the world. Amazing kid. I always ask the DC who was in class with him how he's doing. They're in middle school now and I still get updates every now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

I’m puzzled that you’re puzzled by OP. So sorry about your limited intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that everyone agrees with the person that sent the text. You now know where your group stands. They don't like your kid and/or how you handle your kid.

I agree that everyone agrees with the text. But, I don't agree that people don't like OP's kid. You can really love a tough kid and really enjoy being around them at the same time as you acknowledge that they are tough and that wine makes everything a bit better. I just don't think that anything that OP said would lead to a conclusion that the group didn't like OPs kid or OP and her family. In fact, just the opposite. Acknowledging that he is a handful, the family was invited.

And, FWIW, since we don't know anything more, we really don't know if OP could be doing better with her son. Maybe she is an amazing and totally attentive mom whose kid is just a handful despite attentive parenting. Not fair to make any assumptions about her parenting based on what she's told us.

That's DCUM for you.

The nasty responses are the parents who engage in this type of tacky behavior and are looking for a way to excuse it.

Actually, OP did make it very clear in her first post that her kid was "hyper and loud" and that she was "amused" that someone thought he was too much to handle, and she considered it "bad mouthing my kid!" and her only defense was "WTF lady...Nobody's kid is perfect."

So yeah, I think OP gave us plenty of information that she's a bad parent and that she's not even vaguely interested in trying to improve his behavior or lessen the impact on others.

You seem really mean, and also like you generalize. I hope this is just a persona on DCUM. You need a kindness infusion.

They were direct quotes. I know it sounds like something that someone would make up, but it's literally what she said. Go back and read the OP for yourself.

And not one mention of a single thing she's been working on or trying with her child in 13 pages. Just the excuse from the beginning that she doesn't see it as her problem to do something about.

I'm the OP. I do not owe you a defense of my parenting. I don't spend all day on DCUM responding to random posts. I'm only just coming back online now. What's wrong with you? You're mean. I'm amused by the texter - not amused by my kid sometimes acting out.

Are you even a parent? If your child ever acts out. I wish you more kindness than you seem capable of displaying here.

I don't need to come here to explain how I've tried to parent my child as if that would somehow make the text more or less acceptable. It was hurtful and rude on its face. My parenting has zero to do with it. I am not a perfect mom but I try, My kid is not perfect either and no child is.

Your parenting actually has everything to do with it. I am puzzled you can't see that.

I’m puzzled that you’re puzzled by OP. So sorry about your limited intelligence.

I’m puzzled too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone defending that text and suggesting OP take the message as a gift is trash.

Utter and complete trash.