I’m so freaking tired of parents with 3+ kids complaining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Ah, but it is precisely the fact that you made the decision that makes you so desperate to convince yourself it was the right one. Women who, say, suffered from infertility don't have that burden. It was not meant to be and they move on without need to belittle the alternative they didn't choose. But you could do it and didn't and you constantly work (hard, it seems) to keep yourself happy with your own decision.

Uh, she sounds happy with that decision? You guys are SO defensive. OWN YOUR CHOICES - who cares what others think?

DP, but people who are truly happy with their decisions typically don't start and maintain long, vitriolic threads on anonymous internet pages. I cannot fathom feeling so angry about something that has nothing to do with me (and which reeks of clueless privilege) that I start a thread here and then keep coming back to fan the flames.

"But the children!!" I can think of children in way worse situations than what's being described here. Jesus.

Uh, so can everyone? You guys are making up situations that don't exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Ah, but it is precisely the fact that you made the decision that makes you so desperate to convince yourself it was the right one. Women who, say, suffered from infertility don't have that burden. It was not meant to be and they move on without need to belittle the alternative they didn't choose. But you could do it and didn't and you constantly work (hard, it seems) to keep yourself happy with your own decision.

Uh, she sounds happy with that decision? You guys are SO defensive. OWN YOUR CHOICES - who cares what others think?

DP, but people who are truly happy with their decisions typically don't start and maintain long, vitriolic threads on anonymous internet pages. I cannot fathom feeling so angry about something that has nothing to do with me (and which reeks of clueless privilege) that I start a thread here and then keep coming back to fan the flames.

"But the children!!" I can think of children in way worse situations than what's being described here. Jesus.

Uh, so can everyone? You guys are making up situations that don't exist.

I haven't made up any situations. My point was that people don't harbor serious resentment towards parents whose kids miss the occasional birthday party unless they have some personal reason behind it. Claiming that these kids are soooo neglected is appalling.

[Anonymous]

No one said the children are neglected! There is some serious projection going on this thread. It is totally like the threads where stay at home moms are absolutely convinced that all working moms wish they could stay home and refuse to listen to anything otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: No one said the children are neglected! There is some serious projection going on this thread. It is totally like the threads where stay at home moms are absolutely convinced that all working moms wish they could stay home and refuse to listen to anything otherwise.

Actually that’s exactly what OP said. That she feels sorry for the poor neglected children! But for whatever reason she’s only fixated on families with 3. That screams of insecurity/jealousy/regret on her part. Secure people don’t obsess about other people’s lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: No one said the children are neglected! There is some serious projection going on this thread. It is totally like the threads where stay at home moms are absolutely convinced that all working moms wish they could stay home and refuse to listen to anything otherwise.

Actually that’s exactly what OP said. That she feels sorry for the poor neglected children! But for whatever reason she’s only fixated on families with 3. That screams of insecurity/jealousy/regret on her part. Secure people don’t obsess about other people’s lives.

Exactly. Read the very first post. The children suffer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: No one said the children are neglected! There is some serious projection going on this thread. It is totally like the threads where stay at home moms are absolutely convinced that all working moms wish they could stay home and refuse to listen to anything otherwise.

Actually that’s exactly what OP said. That she feels sorry for the poor neglected children! But for whatever reason she’s only fixated on families with 3. That screams of insecurity/jealousy/regret on her part. Secure people don’t obsess about other people’s lives.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

I agree with this, but this thread went off the rails because OP’s title DOES categorize based on number of kids, in a very offensive and untrue way. Also, pro tip for OP: don’t ever say you “feel sorry for” someone else’s kids. It will not go well, and is a poor example for your own children.

Not OP, but I sure do feel sorry for kids whose parents can't get the logistics of their family life together and therefore cause them to miss out on things. How does that set a poor example for anyone?

I'm the PP above the one you're referring to, but I agree with them. By saying you feel sorry for those kids because they missed out on something is kind of silly. You don't know whether or not those kids cared at all about that birthday party. FWIW, I think it's rude to RSVP yes and not show up, and I think it's rude to commit to being on a team and then not making it a priority to come to games, but I also don't feel sorry for kids who don't live the way I'd want to - they might love it! I have one friend who thrives on the chaos of her house and her kids. Not my cup of tea, but I'd never say I feel sorry for her. Saying that is imposing your viewpoint on others, and that's just not a good thing to do in general. I'm guessing that's what PP meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: No one said the children are neglected! There is some serious projection going on this thread. It is totally like the threads where stay at home moms are absolutely convinced that all working moms wish they could stay home and refuse to listen to anything otherwise.

Actually that’s exactly what OP said. That she feels sorry for the poor neglected children! But for whatever reason she’s only fixated on families with 3. That screams of insecurity/jealousy/regret on her part. Secure people don’t obsess about other people’s lives.

OP actually said 3+ kids, not just 3...it's in the title. And I'm not OP, nor do I actually agree with her. But I definitely disagree with people mischaracterizing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: No one said the children are neglected! There is some serious projection going on this thread. It is totally like the threads where stay at home moms are absolutely convinced that all working moms wish they could stay home and refuse to listen to anything otherwise.

Actually that’s exactly what OP said. That she feels sorry for the poor neglected children! But for whatever reason she’s only fixated on families with 3. That screams of insecurity/jealousy/regret on her part. Secure people don’t obsess about other people’s lives.

OP actually said 3+ kids, not just 3...it's in the title. And I'm not OP, nor do I actually agree with her. But I definitely disagree with people mischaracterizing things.

the title says 3+ but the actual post talks about 3 in particular. also, 3 is much more common than 4+ and therefore a much larger target of the attack.

[Anonymous]

Poster: I made a certain choice and am happy with it. I understand why others made a different choice, but to complain about the choice you made is frustrating. Especially if your kids miss out as a result.

Other posters: You want the choice you didn’t make! You do! Admit that you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster: I made a certain choice and am happy with it. I understand why others made a different choice, but to complain about the choice you made is frustrating. Especially if your kids miss out as a result.

Other posters: You want the choice you didn’t make! You do! Admit that you do!

people are not complaining about their choice to have 3 children, but about their life being busy or whatever (i don’t know because I don’t complain and don’t even know many complainers). just because you chose something doesn’t mean you are not allowed to complain about it. are you upset when people complain about traffic? but you could have chosen to live elsewhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster: I made a certain choice and am happy with it. I understand why others made a different choice, but to complain about the choice you made is frustrating. Especially if your kids miss out as a result.

Other posters: You want the choice you didn’t make! You do! Admit that you do!

+1 excellent summary of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poster: I made a certain choice and am happy with it. I understand why others made a different choice, but to complain about the choice you made is frustrating. Especially if your kids miss out as a result.

Other posters: You want the choice you didn’t make! You do! Admit that you do!

I disagree. I think it's more like this:

OP: I don't really know this mom or her kid, but I'm going to judge her as a lousy parent who obviously had more kids than she can handle because this one time (at band camp ;0) she complained and her kid missed an event...and now he will never play professional soccer (as if!) all because his mom had 3+ kids!!!

Other posters: typical dcum mixed bag responses.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Moms of 3 are DEfensive!!

[Anonymous]

What a sad thread to even start, especially as a spin off from such an innocent question.