I’m so freaking tired of parents with 3+ kids complaining

[Anonymous]

All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

You still don't get it, op.

How on earth are you qualified to determine these kids are "missing out"?

Guess what? Sometimes we say we have a conflict with another kid's sport when we decline a birthday invite our kid simply isn't interested in attending. It's a polite way to decline. (Sometimes kids don't want to attend parties for little bullies.)

Sometimes we skip a practice or game...even "the defining ones"...for family events, another game etc. NBD.

As a mother of older kids, I can assure you that there really aren't any defining games or critical birthday parties in the life of an 8 year old. I promise.

I always think that part of the reason my friends with large families skip some stuff is that they have older kids along with the younger kids and therefore a different perspective on the “defining soccer game.”

Exactly.

Forget the stupid soccer game comment. Imagine you’re the one kid whose parents couldn’t get it together to help with your diorama on science day. Or forgot to print out the lyrics when everyone else knew the class song. It’s not about sports.

I'm not convinced that happens.

Gentle tip from a mother of many: you aren't doing your kid a favor by doing his diorama. The teacher knows you did it. My kids are responsible for their own school work. I'm only responsible for purchasing the supplies. Teachers consistently compliment my kid for doing his own projects (and they comment to me as well).

The sports example is legit precisely because most parents realize there is no such thing as a defining swim meet or soccer game.

NP. Do you not understand that if your kid is the backstroke leg of a medley relay and they don't show up then that relay team can't swim because now they don't have anyone to do backstroke? Or any other million examples of something like this? I don't think a soccer game for eight-year olds is going to make a difference in terms of who is going to play for the US in the 2040 Olympics, but I do think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to sign your kid up for a team and then not make the games because you can't figure out your own logistics. If you can't commit to it all, then don't send your kid. And for the record, my kids both participate in individual sports, so they're never been personally put out by someone not showing up, I just think it's rude.

I agree completely. My son plays baseball and there was a kid on his team this year who started off showing up although he would frequently be there at the last minute or after the practice or game started. They had RSVP'd yes to the upcoming games and practices on TeamSpan. Once we realized that he (or his parents, I should say) was unreliable, we started putting him later in the lineup because if he wasn't there by the time his spot in the batting order came up then we would have to take the out. Then by the end of the season we would call before each game to see if he was coming and the parents always said yes, but then he would be a no show.

We found out after the final game of the season that the kid was also signed up for a soccer team and because the games and practices conflicted the parents would let him decide at the time which one he'd prefer to attend. So they selfishly had two teams on the hook. It's fine if a kid prefers one or the other, but communicate with coaches so they know whether to expect your kid a lot. It was very frustrating for both the coaches and the players.

Sorry, I forgot to include my point that's related to this thread. We've also had kids on the team who come from families of 3 or 4 kids. Attendance has been an issue as well. There have been multiple situations where a kid has shown up very late or not at all because the kid was at a sibling's game and the game went late so the parent couldn't get the kid to their own game on time or at all. Or they didn't check TeamSnap and went to the wrong field and then just gave up because they wouldn't be able to get the kid to the correct field and then also leave to turn around to pick up another sibling from somewhere else or wherever. It's a logistics issue where they make plans and assume all will go smoothly but have no backup plan for if it doesn't. And then the kid and their team have to suffer for it.

Yep, I see this happen all the time with families with two kids as well. Nobody should ever have more than one kid and nobody should ever have any other commitment in life lest they let someone down.

Look, I get your sarcasm. I know plenty of families with 3 or 4 kids who are always everywhere they need to be on time without complaining one bit. And I know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids who just can't ever get their shit together. So I don't think it's necessarily an issue of how many kids you have, but the kind of person you are. And I think people who don't care that their choices affect other people are kind of crappy, regardless of how many kids they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

You still don't get it, op.

How on earth are you qualified to determine these kids are "missing out"?

Guess what? Sometimes we say we have a conflict with another kid's sport when we decline a birthday invite our kid simply isn't interested in attending. It's a polite way to decline. (Sometimes kids don't want to attend parties for little bullies.)

Sometimes we skip a practice or game...even "the defining ones"...for family events, another game etc. NBD.

As a mother of older kids, I can assure you that there really aren't any defining games or critical birthday parties in the life of an 8 year old. I promise.

I always think that part of the reason my friends with large families skip some stuff is that they have older kids along with the younger kids and therefore a different perspective on the “defining soccer game.”

Exactly.

Forget the stupid soccer game comment. Imagine you’re the one kid whose parents couldn’t get it together to help with your diorama on science day. Or forgot to print out the lyrics when everyone else knew the class song. It’s not about sports.

I'm not convinced that happens.

Gentle tip from a mother of many: you aren't doing your kid a favor by doing his diorama. The teacher knows you did it. My kids are responsible for their own school work. I'm only responsible for purchasing the supplies. Teachers consistently compliment my kid for doing his own projects (and they comment to me as well).

The sports example is legit precisely because most parents realize there is no such thing as a defining swim meet or soccer game.

NP. Do you not understand that if your kid is the backstroke leg of a medley relay and they don't show up then that relay team can't swim because now they don't have anyone to do backstroke? Or any other million examples of something like this? I don't think a soccer game for eight-year olds is going to make a difference in terms of who is going to play for the US in the 2040 Olympics, but I do think it's incredibly rude and disrespectful to sign your kid up for a team and then not make the games because you can't figure out your own logistics. If you can't commit to it all, then don't send your kid. And for the record, my kids both participate in individual sports, so they're never been personally put out by someone not showing up, I just think it's rude.

I agree completely. My son plays baseball and there was a kid on his team this year who started off showing up although he would frequently be there at the last minute or after the practice or game started. They had RSVP'd yes to the upcoming games and practices on TeamSpan. Once we realized that he (or his parents, I should say) was unreliable, we started putting him later in the lineup because if he wasn't there by the time his spot in the batting order came up then we would have to take the out. Then by the end of the season we would call before each game to see if he was coming and the parents always said yes, but then he would be a no show.

We found out after the final game of the season that the kid was also signed up for a soccer team and because the games and practices conflicted the parents would let him decide at the time which one he'd prefer to attend. So they selfishly had two teams on the hook. It's fine if a kid prefers one or the other, but communicate with coaches so they know whether to expect your kid a lot. It was very frustrating for both the coaches and the players.

Sorry, I forgot to include my point that's related to this thread. We've also had kids on the team who come from families of 3 or 4 kids. Attendance has been an issue as well. There have been multiple situations where a kid has shown up very late or not at all because the kid was at a sibling's game and the game went late so the parent couldn't get the kid to their own game on time or at all. Or they didn't check TeamSnap and went to the wrong field and then just gave up because they wouldn't be able to get the kid to the correct field and then also leave to turn around to pick up another sibling from somewhere else or wherever. It's a logistics issue where they make plans and assume all will go smoothly but have no backup plan for if it doesn't. And then the kid and their team have to suffer for it.

Yep, I see this happen all the time with families with two kids as well. Nobody should ever have more than one kid and nobody should ever have any other commitment in life lest they let someone down.

Life happens to everyone whether they have zero kids, one kid, two kids or more. But when it becomes a pattern then it's no longer just "life happened" it's "I failed to plan". If you take ownership of it then it's one thing, but the people who just throw up their hands and say "too many kid problems" as though that solves the problem are annoying, and yes, it's letting others down but these people don't see it this way. They think myopically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

I agree with this, but this thread went off the rails because OP’s title DOES categorize based on number of kids, in a very offensive and untrue way. Also, pro tip for OP: don’t ever say you “feel sorry for” someone else’s kids. It will not go well, and is a poor example for your own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Oh, I get it now OP. The moms with two who considered a third but ultimately didn’t go for it (usually husband wasn’t quite on board) are the worst. It’s like they always hold on to this tiny piece of regret, so they spend the rest of their lives justifying to themselves how superior it is to have 2 kids vs. 3, how sadly neglected all children are from families with more than 2, how their kids will be so much more loved and we’ll-adjusted, etc. Sorry but it’s just not true. If you were truly happy with your life and family size, none of this would bother you so much - in fact, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind. Sour grapes.

this sounds about right. it seems they feel the urge to convince themselves that they didn’t make a terrible mistake.

i have 3 kids and I am thrilled about it. not in a million years would start a topic about mothers of one, two, four, five... I just don’t scrutinize them as closely from the #kids perspective. those who do need to think why are they focused on that parameter so much?

Yes!! It’s like they’re obsessed with the families with three and desperately trying to find the negatives or examples of families with issues so they feel better about their own situation.

Seriously, are you high? It's about being frustrated with constantly being unprepared for / unable to manage the effects of a situation you yourself created. No one feels bad about not having 3 kids. The opposite, in fact. I'm baffled by these responses.

But I am prepared. My kids outperform your kids at school. By a significant margin, most likely. In two days, we are leaving for two fun months in Europe (I work remotely and we have a vacation home there).

The fact that you are obsessing over other people’s family size and “connecting the dots” all the time suggests that you are not at peace with your decision. Why do you think you are obsessed with mom of 3?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Oh, I get it now OP. The moms with two who considered a third but ultimately didn’t go for it (usually husband wasn’t quite on board) are the worst. It’s like they always hold on to this tiny piece of regret, so they spend the rest of their lives justifying to themselves how superior it is to have 2 kids vs. 3, how sadly neglected all children are from families with more than 2, how their kids will be so much more loved and we’ll-adjusted, etc. Sorry but it’s just not true. If you were truly happy with your life and family size, none of this would bother you so much - in fact, it probably wouldn’t even cross your mind. Sour grapes.

this sounds about right. it seems they feel the urge to convince themselves that they didn’t make a terrible mistake.

i have 3 kids and I am thrilled about it. not in a million years would start a topic about mothers of one, two, four, five... I just don’t scrutinize them as closely from the #kids perspective. those who do need to think why are they focused on that parameter so much?

Yes!! It’s like they’re obsessed with the families with three and desperately trying to find the negatives or examples of families with issues so they feel better about their own situation.

Seriously, are you high? It's about being frustrated with constantly being unprepared for / unable to manage the effects of a situation you yourself created. No one feels bad about not having 3 kids. The opposite, in fact. I'm baffled by these responses.

But I am prepared. My kids outperform your kids at school. By a significant margin, most likely. In two days, we are leaving for two fun months in Europe (I work remotely and we have a vacation home there).

The fact that you are obsessing over other people’s family size and “connecting the dots” all the time suggests that you are not at peace with your decision. Why do you think you are obsessed with mom of 3?

Whose kids? What are you talking about? What does your working remotely have to do with anything? A bit early to be drinking...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

I agree with this, but this thread went off the rails because OP’s title DOES categorize based on number of kids, in a very offensive and untrue way. Also, pro tip for OP: don’t ever say you “feel sorry for” someone else’s kids. It will not go well, and is a poor example for your own children.

Not OP, but I sure do feel sorry for kids whose parents can't get the logistics of their family life together and therefore cause them to miss out on things. How does that set a poor example for anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

I agree with this, but this thread went off the rails because OP’s title DOES categorize based on number of kids, in a very offensive and untrue way. Also, pro tip for OP: don’t ever say you “feel sorry for” someone else’s kids. It will not go well, and is a poor example for your own children.

Not OP, but I sure do feel sorry for kids whose parents can't get the logistics of their family life together and therefore cause them to miss out on things. How does that set a poor example for anyone?

If feel sorry for your because you are so obviously upset about your own family size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

I agree with this, but this thread went off the rails because OP’s title DOES categorize based on number of kids, in a very offensive and untrue way. Also, pro tip for OP: don’t ever say you “feel sorry for” someone else’s kids. It will not go well, and is a poor example for your own children.

Not OP, but I sure do feel sorry for kids whose parents can't get the logistics of their family life together and therefore cause them to miss out on things. How does that set a poor example for anyone?

Well, generally being a judgmental b!tch sets a poor example. Maybe instead teach empathy and compassion? Maybe realize that you never really know all of what goes on in other people’s lives and you should not judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Ah, but it is precisely the fact that you made the decision that makes you so desperate to convince yourself it was the right one. Women who, say, suffered from infertility don't have that burden. It was not meant to be and they move on without need to belittle the alternative they didn't choose. But you could do it and didn't and you constantly work (hard, it seems) to keep yourself happy with your own decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the parents of 3+ that I know are super organized and have their act together way more than the parents of 1 or 2! They are the ones volunteering on the PTA, taking other peoples’ kids to practice, and stepping up to coach. I don’t know how they do it, but they are amazing! I’m jealous!

I know both kinds with both amounts of kids. My SIL has four kids and is a total disaster. My friend has four kids and is the one who does everything you say above and more. I have friends with one or two kids in both of those groups as well. I don't think you can generalize what a person is like based on how many kids they have. I went to a private K-12 growing up and I'd say all of those families had their act together pretty much all the time. My friends ranged from only children to one of eight, so I don't categorize people based on the number of kids they have.

I agree with this, but this thread went off the rails because OP’s title DOES categorize based on number of kids, in a very offensive and untrue way. Also, pro tip for OP: don’t ever say you “feel sorry for” someone else’s kids. It will not go well, and is a poor example for your own children.

Not OP, but I sure do feel sorry for kids whose parents can't get the logistics of their family life together and therefore cause them to miss out on things. How does that set a poor example for anyone?

Well, generally being a judgmental b!tch sets a poor example. Maybe instead teach empathy and compassion? Maybe realize that you never really know all of what goes on in other people’s lives and you should not judge?

PP isn't being judgmental by feeling bad for kids whose parents can't get their S#$% together causing those kids to miss out on stuff. That sucks for the kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Ah, but it is precisely the fact that you made the decision that makes you so desperate to convince yourself it was the right one. Women who, say, suffered from infertility don't have that burden. It was not meant to be and they move on without need to belittle the alternative they didn't choose. But you could do it and didn't and you constantly work (hard, it seems) to keep yourself happy with your own decision.

Uh, she sounds happy with that decision? You guys are SO defensive. OWN YOUR CHOICES - who cares what others think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Ah, but it is precisely the fact that you made the decision that makes you so desperate to convince yourself it was the right one. Women who, say, suffered from infertility don't have that burden. It was not meant to be and they move on without need to belittle the alternative they didn't choose. But you could do it and didn't and you constantly work (hard, it seems) to keep yourself happy with your own decision.

Uh, she sounds happy with that decision? You guys are SO defensive. OWN YOUR CHOICES - who cares what others think?

I don't care much what others think, especially about my family size. I actually never complain (too busy for that, and I am just not the type) - I jumped into the topic on page 13 or so because this women clearly struggles with her own decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - LOL y'all are worked up! A few clarifications, from myself only (can't speak for others who share some of my perspectives).

- I have NOTHING against large families. I know plenty, and am close with many. My issue is with the ones who can't manage the logistics and therefore the kids suffer - missing birthday parties, missing swim practice and therefore getting timed out of meets, etc. The soccer thing was an example. Of course, there are smaller families who struggle with this stuff also. But the larger families I know often blame it on having so many kids.

- I got pregnant twice on the first try and strongly considered a third. Decided against it ultimately, for a myriad of reasons. But infertility and/or jealousy (I agree with others - why would anyone be jealous of something they CHOSE not to do and could have done?) weren't factors.

I initially posted this because I feel bad for the kids, who in at least a few families I know like this, are definitely missing out.

Are there other kids who miss out on things? Of course. Are there larger families who have it all together and kick ass? Of course. Not debating either of those.

Carry on!

Ah, but it is precisely the fact that you made the decision that makes you so desperate to convince yourself it was the right one. Women who, say, suffered from infertility don't have that burden. It was not meant to be and they move on without need to belittle the alternative they didn't choose. But you could do it and didn't and you constantly work (hard, it seems) to keep yourself happy with your own decision.

Uh, she sounds happy with that decision? You guys are SO defensive. OWN YOUR CHOICES - who cares what others think?

DP, but people who are truly happy with their decisions typically don't start and maintain long, vitriolic threads on anonymous internet pages. I cannot fathom feeling so angry about something that has nothing to do with me (and which reeks of clueless privilege) that I start a thread here and then keep coming back to fan the flames.

"But the children!!" I can think of children in way worse situations than what's being described here. Jesus.