Seeking opinions on an incident involving another family member disciplining my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I certainly wouldn't care if my child was climbing on someone's sofa. Who are you people that you think your crappy furniture is so precious?

Wow, I was just about to say that NO ONE (including OP) thinks it's OK that the kid was climbing on the furniture (to me, this is about the adults' reactions).

But then I forgot that this is DCUM, where someone's child is always entitled to do whatever s/he wants, because the kid is a precious gift and the parent is cherishing every moment.

Yeesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think that just maybe OP and her brood are "the in laws from hell"?

Not sure I'd go this far but I'm willing to bet this was not the first instance of rude behavior. I think the BIL handled the situation wrong and was too aggressive but unless he has anger issues (and if this is the case OP shouldn't have stayed there to begin with) it's likely there were multiple events prior to this.

[Anonymous]

Some of you posting truly must be the scum of the Internet. I can't believe what some of you are writing here. No wonder OP stopped reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

Uh no. The adult was screaming at the child. Not his own child. That would be enough for me to leave an never come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

OP here. You are incorrect about both sets of adults getting emotional. My DH and I did NOT get emotional (at least not outwardly).

Sure you did. You ran out of the room with her. That would scare my kid. Uncle is so bad that mommy had to swoop in and rescue!

Not OP, but uncle seemed pretty bad to me.

Me too. And it sounds like both OP and DH perceived this as overly angry, scary behavior. Why doesn't that count for something? I say if your gut says they needed to be removed, then good job removing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you posting truly must be the scum of the Internet. I can't believe what some of you are writing here. No wonder OP stopped reading.

See, that's the thing about the internet, and social interactions in general. It's difficult to call other people out for bad behavior without looking bad yourself. "Scum of the Internet"? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

Uh no. The adult was screaming at the child. Not his own child. That would be enough for me to leave an never come back.

OP just said, in the post you quoted, that BIL was really screaming at her DH, not any child. By all means, leave and never come back. But try to do it for the correct reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, are you still reading? Have you spoken to your sister? How are things now with the family? Hopefully things have smoothed over some.

op here. I had stopped reading because some of the posts were so nasty. We left my sister on decent terms that weekend. We were smiling and having fun at the party, and we said amicable goodbyes. We have not talked since (this was very recently).

Oh and he most certainly DID scream. Not yell or talk loudly, but screamed. And no one said anything to incite him. My DH was saying "it's okay" to my 6yo.

Therein lies the problem. No, it wasnt ok. Your younger daughter did something in someone elses home that is unacceptable and neither you or your DH address that issue. You walked out, Your DH followed and i suppose your older daughter followed. NOBODY addressed the issue your BIL had. no wonder he was yelling, both you and your DH need to get a clue. I am sure they will be happy not to have to have you visit again

Whoa you are nuts. DH was saying "it's okay" to the other child who was crying and had done nothing wrong but was freaked out by How angry BIL got. You really like to blame the victim don't you? Why? You scream at and scare kids a lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get a lot of responses on here in support of the BIL because frankly there are a lot of people on here like him. But in my opinion what he did was totally unacceptable. You don't get physical with someone else's kids. If she was on the couch and he didn't like it, and she didn't get down after he told her, he should have said to you or your DH (who were both right there, right??) "get your kid off the couch, i just told her to get down and she didn't listen"

so you let the girl fall and bust her head open
NICEEEEEE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

Uh no. The adult was screaming at the child. Not his own child. That would be enough for me to leave an never come back.

OP just said, in the post you quoted, that BIL was really screaming at her DH, not any child. By all means, leave and never come back. But try to do it for the correct reasons.

No you didn't read the OP. He screamed at the child and DH. Why would either be ok?

[Anonymous]

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OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

If my kid climbs on the couch at his uncle's house and the uncle yells at him, my kid can feel safe knowing he can come to me and I will say: "Serves you right dumbass. Don't climb on the fucking couch, you moron!"

Mother of the year, folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

Yes they do Ethel and we make sure they get their asses down as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

He was probably tired of him, sounds like you two may be a bit lax and wimpy and it gets on his nerves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at some of the responses here. Do your 4 year olds really not climb on the furniture? What sort of robot children are you raising?

OP here. I was just thinking something along those lines based on some of the responses I just read.

And the behaviors of some of the kids at the birthday party that followed a few hours later far surpassed my daughter's offense.

Also, the fact that he screamed (i mean, really screamed, very loud and angrily right at my DH) just really leaves me speechless.

I guess I don't understand what you want. Your kid did something wrong. Another adult corrected her. It escalated because both sets of adults got emotional. If this was that upsetting, watch your kid more closely.

Uh no. The adult was screaming at the child. Not his own child. That would be enough for me to leave an never come back.

He yelled at the adult......not the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I certainly wouldn't care if my child was climbing on someone's sofa. Who are you people that you think your crappy furniture is so precious?

^ghetto viewpoint

actually the ghetto viewpoint is that if your kid did not comply with their uncles's direct command they would probably get whooped and then they probably get whooped by their mother for not listening to their uncle. (At the very least the mom would have supported the kid getting whupped)

and frankly all this hand wringing about how you need to keep your kid emotionally safe sings pretty superfluous in a situation where your kid could very easily fall off the couch and cracked her head open. To me that represents a greater priority