Not inviting kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

It's implied. It's only drama if you are a person inclined to create drama, like a parent thinking a child-free wedding is an act of hostility directed at them personally - like many posters here.

We don’t even have the full conversation. You’re fully invested in OPs situation which is probably leaving out a lot of details.

We have OPs details that she feels targeted by a general exclusion of children that includes her but isn't targeting her personally.

OP is perhaps the best indication that her close family member is also a drama loon. Other than that, we have no indication based on the common type of wedding they are celebrating. They only thing drama about the brother is his sister.

I'd say the fact the parents did the inviting not that brother is an indication of drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

It's implied. It's only drama if you are a person inclined to create drama, like a parent thinking a child-free wedding is an act of hostility directed at them personally - like many posters here.

We don’t even have the full conversation. You’re fully invested in OPs situation which is probably leaving out a lot of details.

We have OPs details that she feels targeted by a general exclusion of children that includes her but isn't targeting her personally.

OP is perhaps the best indication that her close family member is also a drama loon. Other than that, we have no indication based on the common type of wedding they are celebrating. They only thing drama about the brother is his sister.

OP peaced out of this conversation a long time ago. People have spent more time arguing about her brother’s wedding than she would ever even spend at the wedding if she bothered to make an appearance and wish the marrying couple well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

It's implied. It's only drama if you are a person inclined to create drama, like a parent thinking a child-free wedding is an act of hostility directed at them personally - like many posters here.

We don’t even have the full conversation. You’re fully invested in OPs situation which is probably leaving out a lot of details.

We have OPs details that she feels targeted by a general exclusion of children that includes her but isn't targeting her personally.

OP is perhaps the best indication that her close family member is also a drama loon. Other than that, we have no indication based on the common type of wedding they are celebrating. They only thing drama about the brother is his sister.

OP peaced out of this conversation a long time ago. People have spent more time arguing about her brother’s wedding than she would ever even spend at the wedding if she bothered to make an appearance and wish the marrying couple well.

Or stay home and enjoy time with her baby and let the marrying do their own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so. Pump if you want. Sounds like you do t want to. It’s not reasonable to bring a 3 month old to a nice, small, private dinner.

If this 3 month old is 100% breastfed do you have ANY idea how uncomfortable this dinner will be for the Mom? Painful. I would go to the 15 person dinner and have my husband watch the baby in a very nearby hotel so that I could excuse myself to breastfeed as needed. Skip Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

The creative writers have imagined some bizarre scenario where everyone will freak out if OP doesn’t come. Based on what exactly?

+1 They are so obviously projecting their hysteria.

There is no reason to assume the wedding couple is unhinged; this thread gives us many reasons to believe the opposite.

I mean the wedding couple is telling her to “make arrangements” and mom and dad are pressuring OP. It may not be unhinged but it’s presumptuous and inconsiderate. You don’t order anyone to appear, much less the mother of a newborn. They should have just told OP that her children were not invited and they would understand if she couldn’t be there. OP’s only mistake was engaging with her parents about it. She should have just declined and sent a lovely gift.

This is possible depending on the context of that conversation.


This said, we are ignoring OPs larger problem

"I'm probably more disappointed my parents are going along with brother excluding his niece and nephew from both events."

What?

What business is it of OPs that children who are not hers are not invited? Here she's deciding for other family members that niece and nephew exclusion is a problem. I'm open to the idea they are intentionally trying to exclude her, and I could potentially understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so. Pump if you want. Sounds like you do t want to. It’s not reasonable to bring a 3 month old to a nice, small, private dinner.

If this 3 month old is 100% breastfed do you have ANY idea how uncomfortable this dinner will be for the Mom? Painful. I would go to the 15 person dinner and have my husband watch the baby in a very nearby hotel so that I could excuse myself to breastfeed as needed. Skip Europe.

What in the world? Breastfeeding moms can eat in a restaurant without the baby for a dinner. And a hotel? OP lives locally to this wedding.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is targeting you, but it certainly isn't in support of you.

Lots of people think kids ruin things. Others think they make it better. Kid free regardless of the circumstances is acceptable. One might hope their own family would want their attendance and support their being a breastfeeding mom, but that is not happening for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so. Pump if you want. Sounds like you do t want to. It’s not reasonable to bring a 3 month old to a nice, small, private dinner.

If this 3 month old is 100% breastfed do you have ANY idea how uncomfortable this dinner will be for the Mom? Painful. I would go to the 15 person dinner and have my husband watch the baby in a very nearby hotel so that I could excuse myself to breastfeed as needed. Skip Europe.

What in the world? Breastfeeding moms can eat in a restaurant without the baby for a dinner. And a hotel? OP lives locally to this wedding.

Local doesn't mean next door necessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so. Pump if you want. Sounds like you do t want to. It’s not reasonable to bring a 3 month old to a nice, small, private dinner.

If this 3 month old is 100% breastfed do you have ANY idea how uncomfortable this dinner will be for the Mom? Painful. I would go to the 15 person dinner and have my husband watch the baby in a very nearby hotel so that I could excuse myself to breastfeed as needed. Skip Europe.

It depends on the mom. I would have been fine for 3-4 hours. Everyone's physiology is different.

I am sure the childless bride and groom have no experience with this.

[Anonymous]

I'll also note that at 1 month PP you're still recovering from birth, not sleeping, and can be a bit brain fuzzy. So all this is going on for OP on top of that. Just getting out of the house can be a production in those early days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so. Pump if you want. Sounds like you do t want to. It’s not reasonable to bring a 3 month old to a nice, small, private dinner.

If this 3 month old is 100% breastfed do you have ANY idea how uncomfortable this dinner will be for the Mom? Painful. I would go to the 15 person dinner and have my husband watch the baby in a very nearby hotel so that I could excuse myself to breastfeed as needed. Skip Europe.

What in the world? Breastfeeding moms can eat in a restaurant without the baby for a dinner. And a hotel? OP lives locally to this wedding.

Local doesn't mean next door necessarily.

Right- you need to consider the transit time, etc. I would expect a wedding celebration dinner like this to go at least 2-3 hrs, this isn't a run of the mill dinner. Those first couple months of nursing were tough for me on several levels and I definitely had a couple situations where I did a "drive by" without the baby because staying longer wasn't in the cards.

But I wouldn't expect a childless couple to know this and would just say you're a "maybe" for now and will assess closer to the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so. Pump if you want. Sounds like you do t want to. It’s not reasonable to bring a 3 month old to a nice, small, private dinner.

If this 3 month old is 100% breastfed do you have ANY idea how uncomfortable this dinner will be for the Mom? Painful. I would go to the 15 person dinner and have my husband watch the baby in a very nearby hotel so that I could excuse myself to breastfeed as needed. Skip Europe.

What in the world? Breastfeeding moms can eat in a restaurant without the baby for a dinner. And a hotel? OP lives locally to this wedding.

Local doesn't mean next door necessarily.

Right- you need to consider the transit time, etc. I would expect a wedding celebration dinner like this to go at least 2-3 hrs, this isn't a run of the mill dinner. Those first couple months of nursing were tough for me on several levels and I definitely had a couple situations where I did a "drive by" without the baby because staying longer wasn't in the cards.

But I wouldn't expect a childless couple to know this and would just say you're a "maybe" for now and will assess closer to the date.

How many 15 person wedding celebration dinners have you been to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

The creative writers have imagined some bizarre scenario where everyone will freak out if OP doesn’t come. Based on what exactly?

+1 They are so obviously projecting their hysteria.

There is no reason to assume the wedding couple is unhinged; this thread gives us many reasons to believe the opposite.

I mean the wedding couple is telling her to “make arrangements” and mom and dad are pressuring OP. It may not be unhinged but it’s presumptuous and inconsiderate. You don’t order anyone to appear, much less the mother of a newborn. They should have just told OP that her children were not invited and they would understand if she couldn’t be there. OP’s only mistake was engaging with her parents about it. She should have just declined and sent a lovely gift.

This is possible depending on the context of that conversation.


This said, we are ignoring OPs larger problem

"I'm probably more disappointed my parents are going along with brother excluding his niece and nephew from both events."

What?

What business is it of OPs that children who are not hers are not invited? Here she's deciding for other family members that niece and nephew exclusion is a problem. I'm open to the idea they are intentionally trying to exclude her, and I could potentially understand why.

I see what you’re saying but I think OP said her kids are the only nieces/nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

The creative writers have imagined some bizarre scenario where everyone will freak out if OP doesn’t come. Based on what exactly?

+1 They are so obviously projecting their hysteria.

There is no reason to assume the wedding couple is unhinged; this thread gives us many reasons to believe the opposite.

I mean the wedding couple is telling her to “make arrangements” and mom and dad are pressuring OP. It may not be unhinged but it’s presumptuous and inconsiderate. You don’t order anyone to appear, much less the mother of a newborn. They should have just told OP that her children were not invited and they would understand if she couldn’t be there. OP’s only mistake was engaging with her parents about it. She should have just declined and sent a lovely gift.

This is possible depending on the context of that conversation.


This said, we are ignoring OPs larger problem

"I'm probably more disappointed my parents are going along with brother excluding his niece and nephew from both events."

What?

What business is it of OPs that children who are not hers are not invited? Here she's deciding for other family members that niece and nephew exclusion is a problem. I'm open to the idea they are intentionally trying to exclude her, and I could potentially understand why.

I see what you’re saying but I think OP said her kids are the only nieces/nephews.

The PP above laid out why this is not an event for a toddler an infant. They imagined a long drawn out dinner. Only someone who is not a parent would think that was appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

+1The anti-child-free-wedding side needs to make shit like this up, to make the other side appear as loony as they are.

Nobody is forcing you to attend their wedding. It you are projecting your hysteria on the bride and groom, they are probably hoping you do decline.

+1. OP will probably be sulky and texting her husband the whole time because the baby will surely die in his care for 2 hours.

And you know this because??

I’m as sure of this happening as those who are insisting OP will definitely cause a scene leaving early. They know this because??

Exactly.