Not inviting kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

Like planning and celebrating your wedding the way you decide.

[Anonymous]

I mean the weird thing is that all communication is going through their parents.

I'm one of four kids and we have WhatsApp chats that are just us, us plus spouses, and us plus parents, etc. And I'd just call my siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean the weird thing is that all communication is going through their parents.

I'm one of four kids and we have WhatsApp chats that are just us, us plus spouses, and us plus parents, etc. And I'd just call my siblings.

Op's whole family dynamic is strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

What do you mean very clear? They suggested childcare because bringing them isn’t an option. Which also means grandma doesn’t want to be stuck with the kids at the wedding so OP can come, if that was going to be OPs next suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

The creative writers have imagined some bizarre scenario where everyone will freak out if OP doesn’t come. Based on what exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

It's implied. It's only drama if you are a person inclined to create drama, like a parent thinking a child-free wedding is an act of hostility directed at them personally - like many posters here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

It's implied. It's only drama if you are a person inclined to create drama, like a parent thinking a child-free wedding is an act of hostility directed at them personally - like many posters here.

We don’t even have the full conversation. You’re fully invested in OPs situation which is probably leaving out a lot of details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

The creative writers have imagined some bizarre scenario where everyone will freak out if OP doesn’t come. Based on what exactly?

+1 They are so obviously projecting their hysteria.

There is no reason to assume the wedding couple is unhinged; this thread gives us many reasons to believe the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

What do you mean very clear? They suggested childcare because bringing them isn’t an option. Which also means grandma doesn’t want to be stuck with the kids at the wedding so OP can come, if that was going to be OPs next suggestion.

Because they don't acknowledge no kids means op might not be able to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

They aren't making a big deal if people decline due to the destination. They would not make a big deal for parents declining due to children.

Don't create non-existent drama.

Op lost the family lottery.

Because a couple is planning the wedding they want and paying for it?

Yeah. Sure. Maybe they should pay for OPs lifetime of therapy to cope with her losing the family lottery.

Please show where they said that. They said find arrangements for them. Not "we understand of you can't make it"or "we hope you can come for at least part of it."

Very clear they expect OP to be there.

It's implied. It's only drama if you are a person inclined to create drama, like a parent thinking a child-free wedding is an act of hostility directed at them personally - like many posters here.

We don’t even have the full conversation. You’re fully invested in OPs situation which is probably leaving out a lot of details.

We have OPs details that she feels targeted by a general exclusion of children that includes her but isn't targeting her personally.

OP is perhaps the best indication that her close family member is also a drama loon. Other than that, we have no indication based on the common type of wedding they are celebrating. They only thing drama about the brother is his sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 months old does not need to eat every 1-2 hours, so just decline anyway.

Because all babies are the same and should be raised the way you want.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is your daily reminder that while your kids may be the center of YOUR world, they are not in fact the center of THE world.

Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

Go back and read all the posts paying special attention to the ones calling parents "co dependent" or mocking them as bestest firstest ever wanting a participation trophy.

People are absolutely trashing the op for considering her baby's needs over her brother's courthouse wedding.

She can consider her baby’s needs by simply replying no. But that’s not what happened here.

+1

It's always the parents making this a thing. They simply can't decline and leave it at that.

People are absolutely trashing the op for considering her baby's needs over her brother's courthouse wedding

Wrong. OP is being called out for this:

OP: "Obviously it's 100% your right to have a child-free wedding but it just seems very targeted at us"

It's targeted at OP if the invite read "OP's children are not invited". OP making this more than it is - simply a childfree wedding and dinner - is why OP is getting criticism.

Unless they specifically planned to have the wedding after OP had a baby - to intentionally exclude her - this "targeted" thinking is baseless, a manifestation of her frustration over a child free wedding.

Op is the only guest with kids so by your logic then yes, it is directed at her.

No, it's not targeted at her. The post you just read explained why:

"Unless they specifically planned to have the wedding after OP had a baby..."
"It's targeted at OP if the invite read 'OP's children are not invited'".

If a store has a sign that says "no women allowed" it's targeted to woman. It doesn't have to list every woman by name.

It’s a party. For all we know it’s at a brewery that doesn’t allow kids.

DP - The bride and groom are not allowed to choose a venue that does not allow children. That would be a personal attack on OP (who has a child and is therefore the dictator of this event).

The wedding couple must only choose (and pay for) a venue that will accommodate OP and the baby.

Maybe they can hire a wet nurse for her so she can leave the house for 2 hours.

They are still attacking her personally by forcing her to fly with a baby to a destination wedding. This is not acceptable.

The wedding needs to be in a convenient location for OP and her baby.

Maybe OP can host it in her backyard. But I’m sure she won’t want any icky groom or groom’s friends in her house, like the other post here.

No that only applies if the groom wants to do that to save money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

You mean OP didn’t get an answer they liked bc this is what she said: They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them".

Why are you saying there was no response? You completely misread the OP or are just making it up as you go.

That's a good catch. Based on that message they expect OP to come no matter what and will likely make a big deal if op politely declines.

Op lost the family lottery.

+1
Also, to all of those chiming in to report how you bottle fed, or pumped, or left your newborn, fine. You raise your baby the way you decide. It doesn’t make it an ok choice for OP. She doesn’t have to do what you did.

We get that OP won’t be told what to do. Clearly she’s going to crash this wedding with her uninvited kids.

The bridezilla contingent in here is nuts. I don’t think OP has given any indication that she wants to or would do that. Her brother doesn’t care and her parents probably just want to make a show for the in laws.

The creative writers have imagined some bizarre scenario where everyone will freak out if OP doesn’t come. Based on what exactly?

+1 They are so obviously projecting their hysteria.

There is no reason to assume the wedding couple is unhinged; this thread gives us many reasons to believe the opposite.

I mean the wedding couple is telling her to “make arrangements” and mom and dad are pressuring OP. It may not be unhinged but it’s presumptuous and inconsiderate. You don’t order anyone to appear, much less the mother of a newborn. They should have just told OP that her children were not invited and they would understand if she couldn’t be there. OP’s only mistake was engaging with her parents about it. She should have just declined and sent a lovely gift.