Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it annoying. I have one kid at home not yet adult other two were at college. They kept inviting me to out of state weddings. I literally responded no every time. I never asked to include kid.

One cousin said just take your 14 year old drive 6 hours to wedding, you can take her to church then during reception she can sit in hotel room alone 5 hours than you can drive home 6 hours next day.

Exactly why does my kid on a weekend want to drive a 12 hour roundtrip to sit in a hotel room by herself for 5 hours?

Why couldn’t your 14 year old stay with a friend for the weekend? I assumed most people on here were referring to kids 10 and under.

Even though people have explicitly said that they weren't.

If people only want the couple they're inviting to the wedding, that's fine. If they're calling the parents of the uninvited to offer ways that person should turn themselves inside out to come anyway, that crosses the line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AC is getting married in a few months. No kid is being excluded. It is a pretty large wedding. We expect some normal chaos.

If that's what your AC wants, great.

We are paying entirely for the wedding. AC gets to get married to the person of choice. AC's thoughts on the guest list is frankly immaterial. AC gets to invite their guests, I am not going to not invite relatives and close friends and their young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So don’t go, and don’t get so worked up over it. RSVP “no, with regrets,” literally a checkbox on a card.

You’re OK, OP. You are fine. Deep breaths.

Agree. I am the you sibling of 8 kids and often fly to weddings w/o my husband because my child wasn't invited. It seemed bad at the time, but I get it now. Weddings are very expensive and people don't want to pay $250 A head ( or whatever) for a kid. Kudos to the wedding couple who splurge for childcare/party room for the kids when the parents are at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Meh, l. n go both ways on kids v no-kids and have been to pleasant weddings of both types.

But when my child was little and it was no-kids, we just didn’t go. Esp since most of the ones getting married were out of state. Saved me everything financially but a wedding gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My AC is getting married in a few months. No kid is being excluded. It is a pretty large wedding. We expect some normal chaos.

If that's what your AC wants, great.

We are paying entirely for the wedding. AC gets to get married to the person of choice. AC's thoughts on the guest list is frankly immaterial. AC gets to invite their guests, I am not going to not invite relatives and close friends and their young kids.

Your situation is different. Your AC and their partner chose to relinquish control of wedding in exchange for you paying for it. You chose to invite kids. That's fine. My DH and I paid for our wedding and chose differently which is also fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great example of internalized misogyny. Why are so many of you assuming it is the bride that, unilaterally, decided it would be a child-free wedding? Even if it were the bride's suggestion, it's a decision the couple made.

How can so many of you get to the age you have and STILL not recognize that what you prefer is not someone else's preference, what you can afford, someone else can't or what you believeva wedding constitutes (or should be) isn't shared by everyone?

Calling brides narcissists because a wedding is child-free is just sour grapes and doesn't reflect well on you. I sincerely hope those who do don't consider themselves feminists because you really aren't respecting choice.

Please... do you really think men are driving most wedding plans? I'm a NP, but many in the U.S. have totally lost the thread on weddings. They were traditionally a celebration (and a witness by members of their community of their covenant) with friends and family. Now they are viewed as a performance where your guests are "extras" who must dress, behave and gift according to your instructions. Excluding children is a choice, but not one that reflects well on the couple. If kids are "inappropriate" in your formal venue, think about another setting. If kids are "too expensive" to feed, then think about a different type of reception. If you all plan to be too drunk to have kids in the same room, think about your self control and ideas of "fun".

Why? Why do I need to adjust MY wedding because your kids are inappropriate for the setting, and your 12 cousins are too expensive to feed? Just because it's a celebration doesnt mean everyone and their dog needs to be invited. It sounds like youre saying "if you cant afford a 500 person wedding, you dont deserve to get married or have a wedding YOU want!" Weddings are about the couple getting married, the guests are just invited to witness and enjoy the food and drink after. You sound completely unhinged, expecting couples to cater their wedding to YOUR tastes. Entitled much?

You are exactly who I was discussing earlier in the post. The wedding is NOT just about you. It is about your relationship being supported by your community. You are prioritizing aesthetics and ambiance over people.

Uh no, my wedding was not about my community. My wedding was about my spouse and I joining our lives together. That can be done at a courthouse, on a mountain top, at a church or at a fancy country club.

Stop expecting others to cater their events to your requirements, it’s entitled and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

It is an invitation. There is no obligation to attend and therefore no justification in feeling put upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

As someone who did a child-free many years ago- was thing to do and is what we did, but would not do that now and will be telling my kids to do differently. It seemed to make sense at time, but not in retrospect and as I grew older and learned more/went to other weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

If your kids are in the wedding party, I imagine you’re pretty close to the bride or groom. What they’re doing is insulting. If they truly want child free, they shouldn’t have children in the wedding party.

Agreed. Super rude to the kids and family.

[Anonymous]

Writing to update after childfree wedding #1 the attendees were under 30 and over 55. So it was pretty clear every person that was invited with kids declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think more people are having child free weddings because parents aren’t parenting kids. Kids are wild and parents think it’s just so cute, but it’s not.

—parent and teacher

As a kid that was so fun! We always free ranged at big parties and looked out for one another. It was awesome. We laughed at the grown ups, danced, hid under tables calling it a clubhouse. Different times.

Charming. Crashing into adult legs while playing tag under the tables and being obnoxious running around. This is why people don't want kids at their receptions. And the type of people who desperately want their kids there are the least likely to adequately supervise. They are just too cheap and too enmeshed to hire sitters. The bride and groom know exactly what they are doing planning for these child free weddings, they expect certain people to decline, it's all part of the headcount plan.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand not having a ton of kids but kids of close family should absolutely be invited. In a couple years they will expect you to throw a baby shower and for their new little snowflake to be invited everywhere.

Nope. I don’t, and won’t, have my own kids and I don’t want yours. Why is that difficult to understand?Not everyone wants or likes kids (to have their own, or other’s kids around).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are almost all grown now and I haven’t been to a wedding in some time but I would simply say no. If it’s a really important occasion for you (a close family member or best friend) and you can’t leave your child due to distance or nursing, I would ask the bride if the venue has an extra room where a babysitter can stay with your child throughout but you are able to check in. We had this arrangement at a family members wedding and it worked out well. If it ends up not being an option, the couple will at least know you tried to make it work and then you don’t need to feel at all guilty for not going. But for a standard wedding, no is absolutely fine.

We were invited to our nephews wedding last year but my 15 yo was not. If it had been local I would have had no issue but I wasn’t leaving my 15 yo home alone DH went without me. I didn’t feel at all guilty. My sense is couples know some people won’t make it when they elect to have a kid free wedding.

Wouldn't your nephew be your 15-year-old's cousin? That's bizarre not to invite. I can see not inviting little kids. They just sort of drain a lot energy from the room. But why did your nephew not invite his teenage cousin? On a separate note, my niece is getting married next fall (she set the date nearly two years out) and while my kids--her cousins--are invited--will likely not attend. One is a D1 college athlete in the middle of their season and the other will be in the fall of their senior year in college. We are a tight family, my niece's mom--my sister--died a few years ago, so these times for us to be together are important. I just kind of wish, if she had two years to wait, why not just do it over the summer? I know my other sibling's children will also have issues with traveling so far while in school. Boy, weddings are just fraught.

JFC you’ve got to be kidding. You wish your niece would have scheduled HER wedding at a time it was more convenient for YOUR kids to attend because YOU think it’s important for family togetherness? How about you host a reunion or other family gathering at a time you deem optimal for the most participation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Def a bridezilla thing. Even when it’s your day, still not the center of the world. Kids are a part of the community. Folks have really gotten too precious about their expectations.

I blame social media. Brides these days don’t want to celebrate a wedding, they want to star in a social media event. I genuinely don’t think many of them care much about the meaning of the event.

I just wanted to say this is such a shitty take. Women can care about the aesthetic of an event and the meaning behind it.

People have this mentality that any wedding more fancy than a backyard BBQ with $25 rings being exchanged is "all for show." And sure, that may be the case for some people who have fancy weddings, but not all of them.

Just saying it reeks of jealousy.

Eh, it’s true, however. And that isn’t jealousy (weird take). Weddings are focused on social media outtakes these days. Sad but true.