Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update #2 - we found a family member to watch our kid for childfree wedding #2 except said adult got COVID, so now 24 hours before one of us has to stay home with kid. Arg!!!

Update- wedding #2 is a hot mess. Ceremony started super early - it would have required 10 hours of childcare from start of ceremony to shuttle back. Dinner wasn't served until nearly 9pm. I'm in the hotel with our kid and SUPER thankful to not be stuck at the wedding. We had more fun and better food LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people feel obligated to go to these weddings? Don't give me an excuse not to go sit and listen to some preacher talk for an hour and you two kiss. Don't give me reasons not to fly to some destination I couldn't care less about at a time that is not of my choosing. An excuse not to go eat some mediocre food and talk to randoms I rarely see? Just give me one excuse not to spend my hard-earned money on a gift for you and I will happily not go to your wedding.

If I get married, I'm going to make it as easy for people for people to come as possible. Wear what you want. Bring your kids. Come late, stay late - this party is to say thanks for taking the time out of your day to watch me commit to living with some guy so I don't feel so alone while I'm taking the plunge.

Thank you very much for coming!!

And this is why your wedding will be far more fun and more memorable than the tedious affairs the bridezillas here want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update #2 - we found a family member to watch our kid for childfree wedding #2 except said adult got COVID, so now 24 hours before one of us has to stay home with kid. Arg!!!

Update- wedding #2 is a hot mess. Ceremony started super early - it would have required 10 hours of childcare from start of ceremony to shuttle back. Dinner wasn't served until nearly 9pm. I'm in the hotel with our kid and SUPER thankful to not be stuck at the wedding. We had more fun and better food LOL.

Man, count your blessings. I bet the other guests wish they could bow out with the same excuse.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the desire for a child free wedding at all. How does having a few kids running around in nice clothes somehow make the day worse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the desire for a child free wedding at all. How does having a few kids running around in nice clothes somehow make the day worse?

As someone posted early in the thread, it's because parents don't like to parent their kids. I am 100% for kids at weddings (our culture's weddings are family affairs), but my cousin's toddler wailed throughout my entire ceremony and he didn't bother taking the kid outside the hall to calm him down. At my other cousin's wedding, one of the kids interrupted the first dance. Sure, it's cute for a second but the parent should swoop in and take the kid off the stage. Most parents these days are more likely to film it than remove their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the desire for a child free wedding at all. How does having a few kids running around in nice clothes somehow make the day worse?

Changes the vibe and the kids are annoying.

[Anonymous]

My family/friends are for the most part waspy, Jewish, or Irish/Italian (but in the US for multiple generations), and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that did include kids. We've gotten 10+ different babysitters in different cities over the years. The bride/groom have always been able to refer us to someone, or a couple times we found someone on Craigslist, but that was over 10 years ago lol. Family members were usually fine with us bringing the kids to the church ceremony, but the reception would always be an adult event. I think it is a cultural divide. In our case (and with friends of similar backgrounds), our dcs went to bed at 6:30/7pm when they were little - which is just when cocktail hour is getting started at a reception. We are now in our 40s and the wedding era is over- I'm jealous, OP! We had so many fun nights, and it is great to recharge with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family/friends are for the most part waspy, Jewish, or Irish/Italian (but in the US for multiple generations), and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that did include kids. We've gotten 10+ different babysitters in different cities over the years. The bride/groom have always been able to refer us to someone, or a couple times we found someone on Craigslist, but that was over 10 years ago lol. Family members were usually fine with us bringing the kids to the church ceremony, but the reception would always be an adult event. I think it is a cultural divide. In our case (and with friends of similar backgrounds), our dcs went to bed at 6:30/7pm when they were little - which is just when cocktail hour is getting started at a reception. We are now in our 40s and the wedding era is over- I'm jealous, OP! We had so many fun nights, and it is great to recharge with DH.

Weird. DH is WASPy and I am Irish/Italian and we have NEVER been to a family wedding that did not include kids. The only kids-free weddings we were invited to were from fellow law firm associates.

Are you from NYC where everything is insanely expensive? I am really baffled. An Irish or Italian wedding without kids? LOL.

[Anonymous]

I don’t even like my friends bringing their children over for dinners.

There a so few kids that are well behaved these days.

They stain carpets, leave greasy handprints on walls and windows, take stuff without permissions, jump on the furniture.

At our last gathering there was only one 11 year old girl and she was snooping around the house and when I went into our bedroom sometime during the night I found her standing there in the dark. Mind you, the door to the bedroom was closed, she sneaked in.

So my guess is that when people start raising better mannered children then we’ll have fewer adults only events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family/friends are for the most part waspy, Jewish, or Irish/Italian (but in the US for multiple generations), and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that did include kids. We've gotten 10+ different babysitters in different cities over the years. The bride/groom have always been able to refer us to someone, or a couple times we found someone on Craigslist, but that was over 10 years ago lol. Family members were usually fine with us bringing the kids to the church ceremony, but the reception would always be an adult event. I think it is a cultural divide. In our case (and with friends of similar backgrounds), our dcs went to bed at 6:30/7pm when they were little - which is just when cocktail hour is getting started at a reception. We are now in our 40s and the wedding era is over- I'm jealous, OP! We had so many fun nights, and it is great to recharge with DH.

NY? I'm a NYC WASP with a similar mix of friend group who also can't recall attending any weddings with kids. I certainly know the first wedding I attended was as an adult when my own friends started getting married. I've always gotten babysitters for my own kids and enjoyed a night out, would not even occur to me to want to bring them or think the evening would be improved by a more daycare like atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

We had a no kids wedding in 2010. Kids added 65 extra plates. I don’t remember the cost but it was too much for our budget. We didn’t expect most people from out of town to come, but they did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the desire for a child free wedding at all. How does having a few kids running around in nice clothes somehow make the day worse?

If, after reading these posts, you can't understand why people choose not to have kids at their wedding, you are willfully ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update #2 - we found a family member to watch our kid for childfree wedding #2 except said adult got COVID, so now 24 hours before one of us has to stay home with kid. Arg!!!

Update- wedding #2 is a hot mess. Ceremony started super early - it would have required 10 hours of childcare from start of ceremony to shuttle back. Dinner wasn't served until nearly 9pm. I'm in the hotel with our kid and SUPER thankful to not be stuck at the wedding. We had more fun and better food LOL.

Why did all of you travel if only one was going to the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family/friends are for the most part waspy, Jewish, or Irish/Italian (but in the US for multiple generations), and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that did include kids. We've gotten 10+ different babysitters in different cities over the years. The bride/groom have always been able to refer us to someone, or a couple times we found someone on Craigslist, but that was over 10 years ago lol. Family members were usually fine with us bringing the kids to the church ceremony, but the reception would always be an adult event. I think it is a cultural divide. In our case (and with friends of similar backgrounds), our dcs went to bed at 6:30/7pm when they were little - which is just when cocktail hour is getting started at a reception. We are now in our 40s and the wedding era is over- I'm jealous, OP! We had so many fun nights, and it is great to recharge with DH.

NY? I'm a NYC WASP with a similar mix of friend group who also can't recall attending any weddings with kids. I certainly know the first wedding I attended was as an adult when my own friends started getting married. I've always gotten babysitters for my own kids and enjoyed a night out, would not even occur to me to want to bring them or think the evening would be improved by a more daycare like atmosphere.

I’m from the south and don’t recall attending weddings with kids. I only remember kids at one wedding and it was a large Indian wedding. I don’t think wealthy people typically have kids at weddings. Most of the time the venue isn’t appropriate for kids if it’s a nice wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family/friends are for the most part waspy, Jewish, or Irish/Italian (but in the US for multiple generations), and I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that did include kids. We've gotten 10+ different babysitters in different cities over the years. The bride/groom have always been able to refer us to someone, or a couple times we found someone on Craigslist, but that was over 10 years ago lol. Family members were usually fine with us bringing the kids to the church ceremony, but the reception would always be an adult event. I think it is a cultural divide. In our case (and with friends of similar backgrounds), our dcs went to bed at 6:30/7pm when they were little - which is just when cocktail hour is getting started at a reception. We are now in our 40s and the wedding era is over- I'm jealous, OP! We had so many fun nights, and it is great to recharge with DH.

NY? I'm a NYC WASP with a similar mix of friend group who also can't recall attending any weddings with kids. I certainly know the first wedding I attended was as an adult when my own friends started getting married. I've always gotten babysitters for my own kids and enjoyed a night out, would not even occur to me to want to bring them or think the evening would be improved by a more daycare like atmosphere.

This is because you’re wealthy. Sadly the only way to have a life and identity these days after having kids is to run in wealthy circles. MC and even some UMC parents can’t even fathom a night away from their precious darlings.