Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Writing to update after childfree wedding #1 the attendees were under 30 and over 55. So it was pretty clear every person that was invited with kids declined.

That sounds so boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

We are not that poster but I've never hired a babysitter once when my kids were little. Too expensive. Nor would I ever consider using a sitter at a venue for safety reasons.

[Anonymous]

We have a wedding coming up in the fall. We have to fly cross country, rent a car and hotel, on top of food, clothing, and a gift. It will be thousands. Our kid is invited but missing school is an issue so not sure what our plan is but when people grump about paying for a kids meal, think about how much your attendees are spending to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Def a bridezilla thing. Even when it’s your day, still not the center of the world. Kids are a part of the community. Folks have really gotten too precious about their expectations.

I blame social media. Brides these days don’t want to celebrate a wedding, they want to star in a social media event. I genuinely don’t think many of them care much about the meaning of the event.

I just wanted to say this is such a shitty take. Women can care about the aesthetic of an event and the meaning behind it.

People have this mentality that any wedding more fancy than a backyard BBQ with $25 rings being exchanged is "all for show." And sure, that may be the case for some people who have fancy weddings, but not all of them.

Just saying it reeks of jealousy.

Eh, it’s true, however. And that isn’t jealousy (weird take). Weddings are focused on social media outtakes these days. Sad but true.

DP, and yes, it is jealousy. And insecurity with anything other than what fits into your own experience.

It’s the same as when someone invites you to anything more upscale than what you have, and you criticize it. “Oh, that weekend I spent at Larla’s cottage? I mean it was nice but it was hardly a cottage - too much new furniture and recently renovated. A cottage is supposed to be rustic. This one looked like it was made for Instagram so clearly Larla doesn’t care about comfort and only cares about aesthetics.”

Because every cottage YOU ever stayed at was rustic. That wasn’t what Larla wanted for her cottage, but she was nice enough to invite you. Go, or don’t go, but if you do go, say thank you and either way, skip the reviews of how it wasn’t “right” because it was different than what you’d do/your experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it annoying. I have one kid at home not yet adult other two were at college. They kept inviting me to out of state weddings. I literally responded no every time. I never asked to include kid.

One cousin said just take your 14 year old drive 6 hours to wedding, you can take her to church then during reception she can sit in hotel room alone 5 hours than you can drive home 6 hours next day.

Exactly why does my kid on a weekend want to drive a 12 hour roundtrip to sit in a hotel room by herself for 5 hours?

Why couldn’t your 14 year old stay with a friend for the weekend? I assumed most people on here were referring to kids 10 and under.

Most people aren't goign to take your kid for a long weekend nor is it ok to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

We are not that poster but I've never hired a babysitter once when my kids were little. Too expensive. Nor would I ever consider using a sitter at a venue for safety reasons.

That’s fine and it’s your choice. The bride and groom are not required to accommodate it, nor are they required to compensate for expenses you won’t pay for children you chose to have (babysitter) by paying for extra meals at their wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

I would just bring them anyways and sit them on my lap if there aren’t enough chairs. I would tell the host that babysitters like this are impossible to find. We don’t even have any babysitters. My kids have never stayed with a babysitter - one of us will just not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

We are not that poster but I've never hired a babysitter once when my kids were little. Too expensive. Nor would I ever consider using a sitter at a venue for safety reasons.

That comes highly recommended by who? My kids would never stay with someone they have never met before, and I don’t blame them. I would not be comfortable either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

I would just bring them anyways and sit them on my lap if there aren’t enough chairs. I would tell the host that babysitters like this are impossible to find. We don’t even have any babysitters. My kids have never stayed with a babysitter - one of us will just not go.

And if I was the couple, and you deliberately disregarded our request and “surprised” me with your kids on the day of, when you knew full well they weren’t invited, it’d be relationship over. It’s not about the kids being there, it’s about the blatant disrespect and lack of regard for boundaries.

If you don’t want to go given the invitation conditions, you’re welcome to decline. But do NOT show up with guests you know aren’t welcome.

[Anonymous]

People either fit into one of two categories:

1. Can hang without their kids OR
2. Are emeshed, have an unhealthy obsession with their kids and don’t remember a time before kids

The problem is modern parenting is for many moms an all encompassing job without hobbies, friends with our kids or really any semblance of a life without kids. These are people who can’t even attend any social event without bringing their kids. It’s unhealthy and comes from a place of anxiety. But someone with this lifestyle isn’t going to understand a childfree wedding. It’s like inviting an alcoholic to a party without alcohol.

Seriously just attend a wedding without kids. You’re going to be okay. Kids at a wedding changes the vibe and most people who don’t have young kids don’t want young kids at a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

We are not that poster but I've never hired a babysitter once when my kids were little. Too expensive. Nor would I ever consider using a sitter at a venue for safety reasons.

That comes highly recommended by who? My kids would never stay with someone they have never met before, and I don’t blame them. I would not be comfortable either.

Why are your kids in charge? You realize at one point they’d never met you, right?

A babysitter is NBD. Have some respect for your kids and stop projecting your anxiety on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

Can't you get a babysitter? Is it local? Do you not go out without your kids ever? If it is travel - bring your kids and then for actual wedding and reception hire a sitter that comes highly recommended. They should offer this service. We did.

We are not that poster but I've never hired a babysitter once when my kids were little. Too expensive. Nor would I ever consider using a sitter at a venue for safety reasons.

This is so unhealthy. Why is everyone so extreme these days? You really can’t attend any event without your kids? Do you bring your pets too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People either fit into one of two categories:

1. Can hang without their kids OR
2. Are emeshed, have an unhealthy obsession with their kids and don’t remember a time before kids

But group 1 breaks down further into:
a. Ready access to someone to watch the kids at all times
b. Sometimes can find a sitter, sometimes can't
c. Sometimes can afford a sitter, sometimes can't (and to you, this may seem cheap, but you don't get to decide how other people spend their money, just like guests don't get to decide where the wedding should be held and who should be on the guest list)
d. Can't find a sitter despite trying to for ages, and for more important things than this random wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

Too funny that you had a childfree wedding and in any way complain about someone else doing it. Do you not hear yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great example of internalized misogyny. Why are so many of you assuming it is the bride that, unilaterally, decided it would be a child-free wedding? Even if it were the bride's suggestion, it's a decision the couple made.

How can so many of you get to the age you have and STILL not recognize that what you prefer is not someone else's preference, what you can afford, someone else can't or what you believeva wedding constitutes (or should be) isn't shared by everyone?

Calling brides narcissists because a wedding is child-free is just sour grapes and doesn't reflect well on you. I sincerely hope those who do don't consider themselves feminists because you really aren't respecting choice.

Please... do you really think men are driving most wedding plans? I'm a NP, but many in the U.S. have totally lost the thread on weddings. They were traditionally a celebration (and a witness by members of their community of their covenant) with friends and family. Now they are viewed as a performance where your guests are "extras" who must dress, behave and gift according to your instructions. Excluding children is a choice, but not one that reflects well on the couple. If kids are "inappropriate" in your formal venue, think about another setting. If kids are "too expensive" to feed, then think about a different type of reception. If you all plan to be too drunk to have kids in the same room, think about your self control and ideas of "fun".

Why? Why do I need to adjust MY wedding because your kids are inappropriate for the setting, and your 12 cousins are too expensive to feed? Just because it's a celebration doesnt mean everyone and their dog needs to be invited. It sounds like youre saying "if you cant afford a 500 person wedding, you dont deserve to get married or have a wedding YOU want!" Weddings are about the couple getting married, the guests are just invited to witness and enjoy the food and drink after. You sound completely unhinged, expecting couples to cater their wedding to YOUR tastes. Entitled much?

You are exactly who I was discussing earlier in the post. The wedding is NOT just about you. It is about your relationship being supported by your community. You are prioritizing aesthetics and ambiance over people.

DP. Why do you get to decide what a wedding is about? Your wedding may have been about being supported by your community. Mine wasn't.

We don’t decide, you do. We do decide what that says about you.