Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

My wedding kids were welcome, but maybe 50-60% of people declined to bring the kids because they preferred to be kid free. I'd rather give people the choice than ban them altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are a Waste of money at weddings. Why do so many people still make a big deal about this? $39 for your kids to eat chicken fingers and then you leave early to accommodate their bedtime is a waste of money. Period.

ATTENDING a wedding is a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

I just bring my kids to the wedding, esp if it’s a family wedding. Everyone is so happy to see them and there are always extra seats so we just squish at our table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently this is a thing - sending your guests an attire palette.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/viva-magenta-spring-wedding-color-attire-palette-e-enclosure-card--136445063703435613/

Another one to skip.

Really, they should include this in the "Save the date" so you know not to.

100% agreed. Or I love the invite that no your kids aren't invited but some people's kids are invited.

THIS. 100% THIS.


“Childfree Wedding” = “our family’s kids will be there but not yours”.


Barf.

[Anonymous]

Late to the party but as a 40-something mom to teens, at the age and point in my life where this would have been an issue, I wasn’t even interested in attending weddings. Boring. Great excuse to not attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently this is a thing - sending your guests an attire palette.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/viva-magenta-spring-wedding-color-attire-palette-e-enclosure-card--136445063703435613/

Another one to skip.

Yeah it’s becoming increasingly common. Not just at the wedding but the shower too and for baby showers as well. Bridezillas want their weddings and showers to look like something out of a posed and staged magazine. Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just bring my kids to the wedding, esp if it’s a family wedding. Everyone is so happy to see them and there are always extra seats so we just squish at our table.

Incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great example of internalized misogyny. Why are so many of you assuming it is the bride that, unilaterally, decided it would be a child-free wedding? Even if it were the bride's suggestion, it's a decision the couple made.

How can so many of you get to the age you have and STILL not recognize that what you prefer is not someone else's preference, what you can afford, someone else can't or what you believeva wedding constitutes (or should be) isn't shared by everyone?

Calling brides narcissists because a wedding is child-free is just sour grapes and doesn't reflect well on you. I sincerely hope those who do don't consider themselves feminists because you really aren't respecting choice.

Please... do you really think men are driving most wedding plans? I'm a NP, but many in the U.S. have totally lost the thread on weddings. They were traditionally a celebration (and a witness by members of their community of their covenant) with friends and family. Now they are viewed as a performance where your guests are "extras" who must dress, behave and gift according to your instructions. Excluding children is a choice, but not one that reflects well on the couple. If kids are "inappropriate" in your formal venue, think about another setting. If kids are "too expensive" to feed, then think about a different type of reception. If you all plan to be too drunk to have kids in the same room, think about your self control and ideas of "fun".

Why? Why do I need to adjust MY wedding because your kids are inappropriate for the setting, and your 12 cousins are too expensive to feed? Just because it's a celebration doesnt mean everyone and their dog needs to be invited. It sounds like youre saying "if you cant afford a 500 person wedding, you dont deserve to get married or have a wedding YOU want!" Weddings are about the couple getting married, the guests are just invited to witness and enjoy the food and drink after. You sound completely unhinged, expecting couples to cater their wedding to YOUR tastes. Entitled much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Def a bridezilla thing. Even when it’s your day, still not the center of the world. Kids are a part of the community. Folks have really gotten too precious about their expectations.

I blame social media. Brides these days don’t want to celebrate a wedding, they want to star in a social media event. I genuinely don’t think many of them care much about the meaning of the event.

I just wanted to say this is such a shitty take. Women can care about the aesthetic of an event and the meaning behind it.

People have this mentality that any wedding more fancy than a backyard BBQ with $25 rings being exchanged is "all for show." And sure, that may be the case for some people who have fancy weddings, but not all of them.

Just saying it reeks of jealousy.

DP

It’s totally true. Totally.

DP not really? There are lots of couples who got married in smaller weddings who get divorced and plenty who have big fancy weddings who are married for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sympathies. I can beat you! Dh and I are both in a wedding. Our kids are flower girls. And they aren’t invited to the wedding. Our baby isn’t invited at all. It’s insanity trying to figure this out. We basically have a series of babysitters working long hours. And the baby is headed hours away to grandparents. It kills me that they’re invited to the rehearsal but not the rehearsal dinner. Don’t they realize how impossible this is for parents? The reason they aren’t invited to the reception is cost and because everyone has kids, which I get. But our girls are pretty devastated at not getting to go. I sit then down before every meeting and forbid them from mentioning it at all. We aren’t local to the wedding.

I too had a childfree wedding but we also didn’t know any kids. Our flower girl did come.

God bless you . Because that is some thoughtless entitled behavior. Who makes the kids work but they can't be at the party. No cake?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great example of internalized misogyny. Why are so many of you assuming it is the bride that, unilaterally, decided it would be a child-free wedding? Even if it were the bride's suggestion, it's a decision the couple made.

How can so many of you get to the age you have and STILL not recognize that what you prefer is not someone else's preference, what you can afford, someone else can't or what you believeva wedding constitutes (or should be) isn't shared by everyone?

Calling brides narcissists because a wedding is child-free is just sour grapes and doesn't reflect well on you. I sincerely hope those who do don't consider themselves feminists because you really aren't respecting choice.

Please... do you really think men are driving most wedding plans? I'm a NP, but many in the U.S. have totally lost the thread on weddings. They were traditionally a celebration (and a witness by members of their community of their covenant) with friends and family. Now they are viewed as a performance where your guests are "extras" who must dress, behave and gift according to your instructions. Excluding children is a choice, but not one that reflects well on the couple. If kids are "inappropriate" in your formal venue, think about another setting. If kids are "too expensive" to feed, then think about a different type of reception. If you all plan to be too drunk to have kids in the same room, think about your self control and ideas of "fun".

Why? Why do I need to adjust MY wedding because your kids are inappropriate for the setting, and your 12 cousins are too expensive to feed? Just because it's a celebration doesnt mean everyone and their dog needs to be invited. It sounds like youre saying "if you cant afford a 500 person wedding, you dont deserve to get married or have a wedding YOU want!" Weddings are about the couple getting married, the guests are just invited to witness and enjoy the food and drink after. You sound completely unhinged, expecting couples to cater their wedding to YOUR tastes. Entitled much?

You are exactly who I was discussing earlier in the post. The wedding is NOT just about you. It is about your relationship being supported by your community. You are prioritizing aesthetics and ambiance over people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just love the lack of self-awareness when people who insisted upon having a child-free wedding themselves then kvetch about such absurdity once they have children of their own.

FTR, we hade upwards of 20 kids at our wedding. Why? Because weddings should be a celebration with family and friends, and we realized most parents can’t participate if they are forced to find alternative plans for their kids.

I’m 50 now, and I detest black tie weddings or any event where the alleged hosts attempt to dictate attire; and I detest child free weddings (where everyone spends months hearing about how unreasonable the hosts are for not letting cousin Amanda bring the baby she is nursing or whatever).

To the pp in the wedding along with her husband and kids who are flower girls yet not invited to the party - I can’t believe you agreed to this. I would have said our family is happy to celebrate with you and shoulder the significant financial aspects of travel, special outfits, etc. but I hope you understand that all of us need to attend as we can’t easily find care for the kids.” A normal host would have invited the other grandparents to attend so they could help with the kids and duck out early to put them to bed.

I didn’t have such an egregious situation but I did have kids in the wedding party of a child free wedding and found it awkward. I would say that when we were to be in the wedding party and agreed I had no idea the wedding would be child free and no one provided a schedule or anything. It was only months later that we actually saw on the real invitation that it was no kids please. And then even later that they sent us the schedule (and I privately went “oh good lord pictures are scheduled right in the middle of naptime and ceremony is RIGHT when we usually eat dinner how can I start shift schedules so my children aren’t melting down in every memory everyone has of this event”). If I had wanted to bow out there wasn’t a time it would really have felt possible. I feel for PP — she’s been placed in an impossible situation.

It is always possible to back out. If you got sick or there were a death in the family, you wouldn't go, right? So it's possible.

What there are are better and worse times to back out. Any time before the final headcount for the caterer is fine. Be politely apologetic but straightforward: "I'd thought we could make this work, but the logistics are just a nightmare, so [whatever your decision is]. We'll be thinking of you!"

Of course it’s *possible* butit feels rude and awkward if you don’t have a reason beyond “this has become inconvenient to me.” In my case I didn’t actually want to back out; the inconvenience was still worth it to be able to support my friend on her wedding day and fortunately there was a playground at the venue so we spent most of our time there. And maybe that’s true too for PP whose kids aren’t even invited to the party! But if it’s not I can absolutely understand why it’s hard to say no after you’ve already agreed and perhaps the couple has already paid for things, etc because when you agree to be in the wedding party you’re pretty much agreeing to a bunch of things that aren’t yet decided and you don’t know.

But the hosts of the wedding made the decision based on what was convenient to them. That wasn't rude. Deciding you can't do it based on what's convenient to you is no ruder.

Honestly I think we olds sweat this stuff more than the couple who's getting married. One of my kids is now at the age where a lot of his casual friends are getting married, and he's been invited as a sort of seat-filler -- people had to cancel at the last minute, so now the B team is getting called up. He's not offended that he didn't make the first cut. He knows stuff happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just bring my kids to the wedding, esp if it’s a family wedding. Everyone is so happy to see them and there are always extra seats so we just squish at our table.

Incredibly rude.

My kids are well behaved and people love to see them, so they are always welcomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a great example of internalized misogyny. Why are so many of you assuming it is the bride that, unilaterally, decided it would be a child-free wedding? Even if it were the bride's suggestion, it's a decision the couple made.

How can so many of you get to the age you have and STILL not recognize that what you prefer is not someone else's preference, what you can afford, someone else can't or what you believeva wedding constitutes (or should be) isn't shared by everyone?

Calling brides narcissists because a wedding is child-free is just sour grapes and doesn't reflect well on you. I sincerely hope those who do don't consider themselves feminists because you really aren't respecting choice.

Please... do you really think men are driving most wedding plans? I'm a NP, but many in the U.S. have totally lost the thread on weddings. They were traditionally a celebration (and a witness by members of their community of their covenant) with friends and family. Now they are viewed as a performance where your guests are "extras" who must dress, behave and gift according to your instructions. Excluding children is a choice, but not one that reflects well on the couple. If kids are "inappropriate" in your formal venue, think about another setting. If kids are "too expensive" to feed, then think about a different type of reception. If you all plan to be too drunk to have kids in the same room, think about your self control and ideas of "fun".

Why? Why do I need to adjust MY wedding because your kids are inappropriate for the setting, and your 12 cousins are too expensive to feed? Just because it's a celebration doesnt mean everyone and their dog needs to be invited. It sounds like youre saying "if you cant afford a 500 person wedding, you dont deserve to get married or have a wedding YOU want!" Weddings are about the couple getting married, the guests are just invited to witness and enjoy the food and drink after. You sound completely unhinged, expecting couples to cater their wedding to YOUR tastes. Entitled much?

You are exactly who I was discussing earlier in the post. The wedding is NOT just about you. It is about your relationship being supported by your community. You are prioritizing aesthetics and ambiance over people.

DP. Why do you get to decide what a wedding is about? Your wedding may have been about being supported by your community. Mine wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it annoying. I have one kid at home not yet adult other two were at college. They kept inviting me to out of state weddings. I literally responded no every time. I never asked to include kid.

One cousin said just take your 14 year old drive 6 hours to wedding, you can take her to church then during reception she can sit in hotel room alone 5 hours than you can drive home 6 hours next day.

Exactly why does my kid on a weekend want to drive a 12 hour roundtrip to sit in a hotel room by herself for 5 hours?

Why couldn’t your 14 year old stay with a friend for the weekend? I assumed most people on here were referring to kids 10 and under.