Napping on vacation when you have kids?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Well, you don't sound unreasonable. I guess the OP should start explianing to the kids that sometimes, Dad just isn't interested. And that's okay. He's still Dad.

FWIW kids don’t need this explained. They know dad isn’t interested. Better to say nothing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last time we did a resort vacation we had to balance the free time by the pool with "adventure" activities. Even when the kids were occupied in the pool or at kid's club, we parents didn't have time to do anything like a nap... maybe dozing on the beach under the cabana, but a 2+ hour nap, wtaf?

I don't have time for that at home, much less a busy family vacation... when youv'e got kids with you, it's not about you. Grow up and take care of the kids.

Isn’t the whole point of a kids club that you have time to relax and **gasp ** have a nap if you want while your kids are entertained? It sounds like you’re doing it wrong…or just bent on being a martyr.

Or, I'm not a narcoleptic.

I don't like dumping my kids for hours and hours, and when they do it's the opportunity to go make a reservation, go to the shop and buy some more sunscreen, have a drink with my wife...

So not a narcoleptic, just an alcoholic. Got it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

Yes I have, and during the hottest part of the day they are more likely to be "indoor bingo" or "cocktail making" because that's when most people move inside or siesta. Most "adventure activities" are scheduled in the morning when its cooler/water is calmer etc.

We're making some progress! Now, if the DH insisted on his two hours being during the morning when you think "adventure activities" are scheduled, you would think that was reasonable?

Are you so bored that you need to change thr facts to present your case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP does your DH have health issues? Or does he have a drinking problem?

He shouldn’t be in need of a nap after 9 hours of sleep the night before (certainly not to the point where he is “cranky” if he doesn’t get one). This makes zero sense.

This.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Why did you have kids with this man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Why did you have kids with this man?

There is always one.

Didn’t realize until it was too late, and has gotten worse over the years. Is there ever a different answer to this question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Why did you have kids with this man?

There is always one.

Didn’t realize until it was too late, and has gotten worse over the years. Is there ever a different answer to this question?

Why did you have a second kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Why did you have kids with this man?

There is always one.

Didn’t realize until it was too late, and has gotten worse over the years. Is there ever a different answer to this question?

Why did you have a second kid?

They are twins.

We’ve also been raising our nephew since he was 4 (long backstory to that one)- and it is DH’s sister’s kid, and he agreed to it willingly. It was either that or foster care. DH’s elderly parents were not capable and have since passed.

So we are raising 3.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Why did you have kids with this man?

There is always one.

Didn’t realize until it was too late, and has gotten worse over the years. Is there ever a different answer to this question?

Why did you have a second kid?

They are twins.

We’ve also been raising our nephew since he was 4 (long backstory to that one)- and it is DH’s sister’s kid, and he agreed to it willingly. It was either that or foster care. DH’s elderly parents were not capable and have since passed.

So we are raising 3.

You know you’ve got a bad husband but OP sounds like she’s hoping there’s a way around her problem - maybe she can just convince him to be a good dad. She needs to realize she just has a different expectation of how a father acts - if he won’t change, she needs to explain to the kids or find a new dad for them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Well, you don't sound unreasonable. I guess the OP should start explianing to the kids that sometimes, Dad just isn't interested. And that's okay. He's still Dad.

FWIW kids don’t need this explained. They know dad isn’t interested. Better to say nothing about it.

Kids will try longer than wives will. They think they can make dad love them. Don’t tell them he doesn’t, but explaining dad doesn’t want to SUP, but you see him at breakfast… I mean sugarcoat it somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Well, you don't sound unreasonable. I guess the OP should start explianing to the kids that sometimes, Dad just isn't interested. And that's okay. He's still Dad.

FWIW kids don’t need this explained. They know dad isn’t interested. Better to say nothing about it.

Kids will try longer than wives will. They think they can make dad love them. Don’t tell them he doesn’t, but explaining dad doesn’t want to SUP, but you see him at breakfast… I mean sugarcoat it somehow.

You are very dramatic, Ms. Fiction Writer. But all told, i am so glad that you are shining the light on the poor emotionally impoverished children of DCUM whose fathers won’t SUP with them in the middle of the day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Well, you don't sound unreasonable. I guess the OP should start explianing to the kids that sometimes, Dad just isn't interested. And that's okay. He's still Dad.

FWIW kids don’t need this explained. They know dad isn’t interested. Better to say nothing about it.

Kids will try longer than wives will. They think they can make dad love them. Don’t tell them he doesn’t, but explaining dad doesn’t want to SUP, but you see him at breakfast… I mean sugarcoat it somehow.

You are very dramatic, Ms. Fiction Writer. But all told, i am so glad that you are shining the light on the poor emotionally impoverished children of DCUM whose fathers won’t SUP with them in the middle of the day!

And I’m glad you’re standing up for all those dads who just want to send money to the OnlyFans model instead of spending time with his kids. Not many people would side with that guy - it’s nice to know he’s got someone pulling for him.

[Anonymous]

You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.