Napping on vacation when you have kids?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The details don't matter. This boils down to one thing. The OP and her DH have different understands of how their vacation is going to work. It causes conflict, and it seems to primarily play out in disappointment for the kids.

It doesn't matter where they are, what they're doing, or even if they're on vacation. It's a difference in expectations — he's under the impression that his nap is a given. No one else is. Maybe he's a lazy slob, maybe he's porn addicted or maybe she just had the idea he would be a more involved parent than he's wiling to be.

The solution is a conversation—these vacations aren't workin the way I'd like to and the kids would like to spend more time with you. If his answer is "tough, I don't care", then she has to make a decision. Separate vacations or the kids learn to deal.

This isnt' complicated, we don't need to debate much more. Make it clear your DH isn't meeting expectations, give him an opportunity to meet them, take the appropriate course of action if he won't.

Bumping this.

It's different expectations. Maybe she's right, maybe he's got apnea. She and the kids have a different understand of what they want from vacation. She needs to tell him—it sounds like he doesn't like hearing he isn't going to get his way, but hopefully he listens. Before all you nuts jump down my throat, maybe the solution is the kids learn to accept that when on vacation Dad just isnt' going to hang. That's fine, I guess. But right now they still think he will. If I were him, I would take that as a huge compliment and do my best to accomodate.

Reminder: they just need to talk about which priority is the priority - his nap or activities with the kids. They just expect different things. This isn’t rocket science. Talk it out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

You didn’t answer the question - adventure activities don’t start at 2 and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

You didn’t answer. Resorts have activities. But only at the hottest part of the day? So many activities are for morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

Yes I have, and during the hottest part of the day they are more likely to be "indoor bingo" or "cocktail making" because that's when most people move inside or siesta. Most "adventure activities" are scheduled in the morning when its cooler/water is calmer etc.

[Anonymous]

If your husband can endure an entire workday w/o napping then that in itself shows that taking a nap is a luxury for him rather than a necessity.

So I think it is selfish of him to require two hours of rest every day while on vacation.

On occasion it is okay for him to nap - but not two hours every single day.
He should alternate w/you too.

For example > he should also step in + offer to spend some time w/the kids alone so you can enjoy some of your own free time to do as you like as well OP. 😃

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband can endure an entire workday w/o napping then that in itself shows that taking a nap is a luxury for him rather than a necessity.

So I think it is selfish of him to require two hours of rest every day while on vacation.

On occasion it is okay for him to nap - but not two hours every single day.
He should alternate w/you too.

For example > he should also step in + offer to spend some time w/the kids alone so you can enjoy some of your own free time to do as you like as well OP. 😃

Op thinks any alone time on vacation is selfish, so it's unlikely she would want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

Yes I have, and during the hottest part of the day they are more likely to be "indoor bingo" or "cocktail making" because that's when most people move inside or siesta. Most "adventure activities" are scheduled in the morning when its cooler/water is calmer etc.

We're making some progress! Now, if the DH insisted on his two hours being during the morning when you think "adventure activities" are scheduled, you would think that was reasonable?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

We do know that's what OP wants, because that's what OP says. Why can't both parties compromise?

Well, she says that he demands his nap every day and it has to be 2+ hours. She could be just asking for one day of activity. The only thing we know is that he has a rigid schedule for the activity that involves only himself and it can't be adjusted.

Again, it literally does not say this, you are assuming and projecting.

Well it does, and if you won't read the OP's posts, I don't think we can have a conversation about this.

No, it doesnt. I have read the entire thread. You keep twisting what OP wrote to fit your man-hating narrative. It's tired - much like Ops DH probably feels while dealing with her.

Goodness. The OP starts off by saying:

It’s never a quick cat nap, it’s a two-hour long event. Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day

He expects and anticipates a two-hour long event. Every day. Mid-day. No compromise.

"and if we don’t head back to the hotel, he slogs between 4-dinner time."
You missed the words right after. If they miss the nap, he still lives, he just "slogs". So clearly they do skip it sometimes. Compromise.

But then she added:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

Doesn't sound like he's very kind about it.

So? You want him to skip his nap and he will, he is just crabby. You have options, you just only want the option you want - him to skip his nap and somehow be kind, well rested and ready for the rest of the day.

He's a grown man. He can go without a nap. If he can't, he should get checked for apnea.

And, per the OP, he does sometimes.

So whats the problem?

If your interpretation of the OP is that he's often there for the and spends plenty of quality time with his kids on vacation, then I guess there's no problem and your work is done here.

I mean, he is there for most of the time. That's factual. Two hours a day does not mean he's spending more time alone than with his family. OP would prefer to spend more time together, which I think can be reasonable, but let's not pretend he's abandoning his children for the entire week or something. He's probably spending far more time with then even with the nap than he is at home.

It doesn’t seem terribly hard to grasp that the op’s problem isn’t about the hours he’s putting in, it’s about his availability at a particular time, and the limiting effect it has on his ability to join the children (who apparently want him there) for specific activities. I think she says he’s generally present, so no worries about his hours.

If it isn't terribly hard to grasp that it isn't part of the problem, why does OP opine about it in the OP? It also seems like after 13 years, OP should know her hubby is a cranky pants and to schedule vacations accordingly. I know my DH cant handle too long in the heat. There is a reason why I'm not scheduling an August trip to Palm Springs, even if that's the cheapest time to visit.

+1

Some guys just aren’t cut out to spend time with their kids. She’s been married to him this long she should have a read on him by now.

This. My DH can’t handle spending long periods with all of our kids at the same time. Is better for short periods or 1-on-1. Has always been this way. It is in some ways sad, yes, and I do wish things were different. Yet, I live in reality. Some things just won’t work, and dealing with cranky DH is no fun for any of the rest of us. If he comes along, we make sure to get enough living space and I don’t make any assumptions about when he will or won’t join us for activities. Sometimes we vacation separately.

Which is worse than OP’s problem, most likely. OP- just plan things the way you like, and he can join or not. Before solidifying plans, ask if there is anything in particular he would like to do (besides nap) and work those into the schedule first. Your DH isn’t going to change.

Well, you don't sound unreasonable. I guess the OP should start explianing to the kids that sometimes, Dad just isn't interested. And that's okay. He's still Dad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

Yes I have, and during the hottest part of the day they are more likely to be "indoor bingo" or "cocktail making" because that's when most people move inside or siesta. Most "adventure activities" are scheduled in the morning when its cooler/water is calmer etc.

We're making some progress! Now, if the DH insisted on his two hours being during the morning when you think "adventure activities" are scheduled, you would think that was reasonable?

There is nothing to suggest he wont move his nap to a time when these activities arent happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds very type A. OPs dh less so. I'd be surprised if the kids actually enjoy non-stop activities, especially with their parents.

Well, he doesn't nap when the activity interests him. So, I don't think the problem is that it's "non-stop activities", it's just activities he doesn't care about.

Their job is to plan vacations that work for everyone. Sounds like both parents are failing.

Anybody in the family should be able to opt out some - not all -activities they don't care about. They aren't conjoined quadruplets.

Well... parents don't get to opt out. They're stuck with the job.

I don't disagree with that. Mom and kids think they're getting fun active vacations, Dad thinks he's taking naps.

I mean, none of my family vacations go the way I want them to. But, you know, that's what I signed up for.

There is a way to accommodate both, but neither parent seems to want to do that. OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness and DH wants a daily nap on a rigid schedule.

Well, we don't know that OP wants 24/7 go-go-go togetherness, but we do know that there are important things she plans for midday at least some of the time. DH has that rigid schedule. It seems easier for one to compromise than the other.

What are the important things she plans for midday at least some of the time? She has not actually told us.

Doesn't matter. She and the kids have expectations that something is going to happen that involves him spending time with his kids. He has an expectation that he will get a nap, no questions asked.

As a parent myself, I know which one of these has to change, but they, as a couple, need to work it out. Decide which is the priority.

Of course it matters what OP and kids want to do that they alleging can’t do. Otherwise it’s just about 24 hour togetherness.

Well, she’s says it’s specific stuff. So, I guess we can put the concern about 24 hour togetherness to rest.

Did she? I thought we were waiting for OP to discuss these super special activities that cannot be done at 8, 9, 10, or 11am, nor at 12:00, 1:00, 4:00 or 5:00 pm - and can only be done at the hottest, busiest part of the day?

I’m not trying to be condescending but have you ever been to a resort? Adventure activities are scheduled.

Yes I have, and during the hottest part of the day they are more likely to be "indoor bingo" or "cocktail making" because that's when most people move inside or siesta. Most "adventure activities" are scheduled in the morning when its cooler/water is calmer etc.

We're making some progress! Now, if the DH insisted on his two hours being during the morning when you think "adventure activities" are scheduled, you would think that was reasonable?

There is nothing to suggest he wont move his nap to a time when these activities arent happening.

Or skip his nap, even if he's a bit crabby.