My wife thinks I need to see a therapist, I think I'm aware of my problems

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure if you don't comply, you will be getting divorced. So keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure if you don't comply, you will be getting divorced. So keep that in mind.

A) I did go to therapy. As I explained, it was an uninteresting conversation where my instincts of what to do were confirmed.

B) no. If you bother with the thread, at no point has there been an ultimatum. It’s brought up on occasions like Father’s Day, when my wife seems to believe I must be struggling with it. I’m not, because I’m confident that I’ve handled it correctly and that gives me an enormous amount of comfort.

Don’t put your own problems on me. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I read the entire thread.

Stop wasting everyone's time with your excuses and go to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the entire thread.

Stop wasting everyone's time with your excuses and go to therapy.

Did you miss the part where I went?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP none of us can explain to you why your wife is insisting on therapy; personally, I have a hard time imagining she is pushing this hard because she wants you to have some deeper understanding of your childhood. People generally push for change when current circumstances are problematic, which leads me to believe that your behavior with her and your kids affects them in a way you’re unable or unwilling to accept. 13 pages of you pushing back on therapy and arguing with posters provides a pretty good clue of how you respond to the people in your home. I’m pretty pragmatic and I don’t believe in endless talk therapy either, but the issue isn’t whether that’s good or bad, the issue is whether or not whatever you’re doing at home is successful. If your wife is still pushing for you to do something that you’re not doing, consider that whatever solutions you’ve found at this time aren’t doing the trick. And ignore that reality at your peril.

Here’s a reason - she comes from a different background, has her own childhood trauma that she feels comfortable talking with a therapist to sort out, perhaps has her own trauma with my dysfunctional family that she would like to talk to someone to sort out and she has a tough believing I could work through my own trauma without going to someone about it. But we’re different.

If you want to talk about what’s become clear over the last 13 pages is that, actually, I already do quite a few things that most people consider “therapy” and I am very happy with them. By most people’s standards, apparently, I am doing therapy. Maybe I could benefit from cbt, which I’d never heard of? I keep talking about it because I find it interesting.

What was her trauma with your dysfunctional family—and why are you writing about it as though it has nothing to do with this?

My dad sucks and has also been nasty to her. One of the reasons I chose not to engage with him anymore.

Your terseness about all of this is remarkable.

This nonsense about the plumber analogy has really taken this thread off the rails but DP here who also eventually significantly limited contact with a very unpleasant parent. OP is 20-30 years out from his childhood, it would be weirder to me if he was super emotional about it. You can't cry about something for decades, eventually you either decide if you're going to do something about it or let it ruin your life.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how I feel about my father, I’ve taken very thoughtful steps to address our relationship and I’m very proud of what I’ve done - for myself, my wife and my kids. Why do I have to tear all that apart and go through it again? I’ve actually faced it, addressed it and am now moving on. And none of it is DIY. It just doesn’t involve paying a stranger to dig up unhappy moments.

You don’t have to. You feel confident in how you’re handling it, so why argue with strangers on the internet about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know exactly how I feel about my father, I’ve taken very thoughtful steps to address our relationship and I’m very proud of what I’ve done - for myself, my wife and my kids. Why do I have to tear all that apart and go through it again? I’ve actually faced it, addressed it and am now moving on. And none of it is DIY. It just doesn’t involve paying a stranger to dig up unhappy moments.

You don’t have to. You feel confident in how you’re handling it, so why argue with strangers on the internet about it?

Well, that's the conclusion I'm reaching, but I still don't really understand the pro-childhood-trauma-talk-therapy mindset. But I'm happy to leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way you do not describe having grieved the relationship with your father is also notable.

I’ve had 40+ years, how much longer do I have to grieve over it before you’re satisfied?

You actually have not described grieving it at all.

[Anonymous]

I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

To be fair, it is his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

To be fair, it is his life.

Might ask the wife how she sees that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way you do not describe having grieved the relationship with your father is also notable.

I’ve had 40+ years, how much longer do I have to grieve over it before you’re satisfied?

You actually have not described grieving it at all.

What's your criteria for grieving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure if you don't comply, you will be getting divorced. So keep that in mind.

A) I did go to therapy. As I explained, it was an uninteresting conversation where my instincts of what to do were confirmed.

B) no. If you bother with the thread, at no point has there been an ultimatum. It’s brought up on occasions like Father’s Day, when my wife seems to believe I must be struggling with it. I’m not, because I’m confident that I’ve handled it correctly and that gives me an enormous amount of comfort.

Don’t put your own problems on me. Thanks!

You. Just. Can’t. Stop. Being. Defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

Same impression here. Must be a troll. Or mentally ill Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

Same impression here. Must be a troll. Or mentally ill Op.

So what's your excuse for sticking around?