It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be forgiven for thinking that a stressed family friend and a few envious coworkers are representative of "many" parents.

It helps them feel better as they contemplate how long their body will rot before someone bothers to find it.

The answer is: doesn’t matter, they’re probably just going to stuff it in a garbage bag and throw it a dumpster behind Michael’s, because no one cares to do the paperwork to even get you cremated.

I feel sorry for you. Genuinely, sorry for whatever is going on in your life that would make you think typing such a comment, even anonymously, to another person is okay. And sorry for the terrible childhood, terrible parents, terrible surroundings that would shape you into such a person. I hope you get counseling so you can change that patterning and hopefully not pass it on fully to your children.

Some people who have children later regret that choice. Some people who choose not to have children later regret that choice. That's reality. And it's naive of OP to not see that a severely-stressed parent of a special needs kid isn't representative of how many regretful parents there are more largely.

DINKS will say all sorts of horrible things about other people and their children but can’t stand anyone lightly pointing out how empty their own lives potentially are.

Noone’s body is getting stuffed into a dumpster behind Michael’s, lady. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be forgiven for thinking that a stressed family friend and a few envious coworkers are representative of "many" parents.

It helps them feel better as they contemplate how long their body will rot before someone bothers to find it.

The answer is: doesn’t matter, they’re probably just going to stuff it in a garbage bag and throw it a dumpster behind Michael’s, because no one cares to do the paperwork to even get you cremated.

I feel sorry for you. Genuinely, sorry for whatever is going on in your life that would make you think typing such a comment, even anonymously, to another person is okay. And sorry for the terrible childhood, terrible parents, terrible surroundings that would shape you into such a person. I hope you get counseling so you can change that patterning and hopefully not pass it on fully to your children.

Some people who have children later regret that choice. Some people who choose not to have children later regret that choice. That's reality. And it's naive of OP to not see that a severely-stressed parent of a special needs kid isn't representative of how many regretful parents there are more largely.

DINKS will say all sorts of horrible things about other people and their children but can’t stand anyone lightly pointing out how empty their own lives potentially are.

Noone’s body is getting stuffed into a dumpster behind Michael’s, lady. Calm down.

I'm pretty sure DINKS coined the lovely phrase "crotch fruit" as if they aren't also someone's fruit.

[Anonymous]

I think it is ok to not have a child, but nuts to be a DINk. What is the point?

When I was 32 I had a rent stabilized apartment in Manhattan and went to Hamptons and ski trips. Different girls all the time and fun.

I got married to have kids. Why on earth would I want to be with same women rest of life if no kids?

Like bringing your girlfriend on Spring Break.

[Anonymous]

The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is ok to not have a child, but nuts to be a DINk. What is the point?

When I was 32 I had a rent stabilized apartment in Manhattan and went to Hamptons and ski trips. Different girls all the time and fun.

I got married to have kids. Why on earth would I want to be with same women rest of life if no kids?

Like bringing your girlfriend on Spring Break.

You can still be with different women after getting married. And maybe you are?

Marry one woman to have children with. Still have other girls all the time- will probably need to be women you work with for ease/logistics with current lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

I think the insane reactions of many in this thread is because they ARE miserable with their lives- work, marriage, other relationships, parenthood- but that doesn't mean parenthood overall is bad. It can be a great thing.

In candid online discussions between those who deeply regret parenthood (not on DCUM!), I actually observe a lot of similarities with what I read in candid online discussions of those who are vehemently childfree. Both groups seem to have a history of familial dysfunction in their own childhoods. Which then either sets them up to not be able to psychologically handle their lives after they become parents, or sets them up to become anti-child (as opposed to merely being a person who chose not to have kids).

[Anonymous]

lol, yeah, ask alllllllll of those parents of school shooters just how ‘enriching’ having kids in their lives was. Or better yet, ask all of the victims’ family members how enriching other people having kids who went on to shootup schools was for them.


Massive loss of sleep
Massive financial drain
Massive amounts of stress
Potentially even huge legal troubles you’ll have to deal with


So, sooooo enriching. Not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

Do you have kids?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

Do you have kids?

Yes

So people should just keep on doing what they're doing and letting the DINKS know they are "doing it right."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these people saying that OP is a pitiable loser, do you go around lying to DINKs, saying you are envious of them? If yes, what the heck is wrong with you?
If no, why would you invent this fantasy that other people are doing it? You sound like your are miserable and insecure and projecting your unhappiness.

I wouldn’t say I’m lying to them, the things they are doing do look fun and I am happy they are happy. So I make an effort to compliment them on what they are doing with their lives and big them up a little. I think there is a lot of social pressure to have kids and that dinks get a good amount of negative feedback from people around them for making the choice not to have kids.

In short, I’m not exactly lying, but I am minimizing the fact that I fully don’t understand their decision and making a bigger deal out of their wins than I might otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont think your experience is the norm, of people regretting. I can't think of anyone who does. But, i can say as a parent that most of us struggle through with zero village and little family help which is much different then past generations. We also have to both work to even make ends meet, creating full time stress of trying to balance it all. Parenting now is just different then it used to be. It's very go-it-alone and incredibly hard.

+1. OP and anyone claiming similar are just coping that they waited too long. So many 30-something millennials don't even realize they're infertile until they try to have a kid and it's too late. Plus cancer and other health issues rack up and complicate being able to have kids as you age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol, yeah, ask alllllllll of those parents of school shooters just how ‘enriching’ having kids in their lives was. Or better yet, ask all of the victims’ family members how enriching other people having kids who went on to shootup schools was for them.


Massive loss of sleep
Massive financial drain
Massive amounts of stress
Potentially even huge legal troubles you’ll have to deal with


So, sooooo enriching. Not.

Counterpoint: your body won’t be stuffed into a dumpster behind Michael’s after decomposing for several months because nobody cares if you’re alive or dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reactions of the parents in this spread demonstrate just how desperate they are to maintain the fairy tale that their lives weren't a series of huge mistakes.

You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor by suppressing your true feelings about having kids. Young adults deserve to know the truth that having kids today is horrible, and it's likely to get worse.

Horrible? Marrying a college classmate and having kids in your 20s is the smartest and most fulfilling thing a young adult can do.

Dating apps, hookup culture, boozing through your 20s, marrying in your 30s with tons of mental baggage, and then needing IVF to have a kid has really screwed Americans up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re trying to be nice and not make you feel bad for missing out on children. There are great things about being a DINK, enjoy it, but it’s not much deeper than people trying to be polite and encouraging.

This is so bizarre to me. If she's just responding to a question about her summer vacation plans, why are people "feeling bad for her" and "politely trying to make her feel better?"

Someone's vacation plans would never make me think I needed to cheer them up because their life differs from mine.

But I think that’s the thing, people can’t help but feel bad for them on some level and feel they are missing out. I’m not saying that’s right, but I do think deep down that is how a lot of people feel.

People instinctively try make others “feel better” about situations they perceive as not ideal all the time. This is the case, even if someone is happy with their circumstance.