It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

[Anonymous]

Choosing to not have kids is certainly a choice one can make, and many more seem to be making. It’s working out great in Japan and Korea. Adults there seem to be very content and happy, and their countries seem to be progressing towards clean and depopulated eco-paradises. A lifetime of brunches, travel, and hobbies sure sounds great and very fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is highly unlikely they regret having kids. They are just being nice and showing respect for your choice.

But OP was talking about her vacation plans, not her reproductive choices. So why would they respond to vacation talk with her reproductive status in mind? Doesn't seem respectful.

Sounds ultra-conservative.

Probably because the talking about vacation plans came across as bragging.

This is mental projection that can be worked through in therapy. OP said a coworker asked what they were doing for vacation. OP responded. This is how human conversation works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Choosing to not have kids is certainly a choice one can make, and many more seem to be making. It’s working out great in Japan and Korea. Adults there seem to be very content and happy, and their countries seem to be progressing towards clean and depopulated eco-paradises. A lifetime of brunches, travel, and hobbies sure sounds great and very fulfilling.

Ah, yes, and America is a society reflective of a fulfilled populace. Just look at the news for confirmation of that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have kids, why are you on a parenting forum?

Take a peek outside your bubble and you will see that many of these fora (eg, travel, finances, fashion, restaurants, home repair, entertainment ) apply to even non-procreating humans!

So you found "DC Urban Moms and Dads" and wondered what these family oriented people were wearing and doing for family vacations? Still doesn't seem logical.

+1. It's definitely odd.

[Anonymous]

I would say it to a close friend and mean it.
I have two teens, I don’t regret them but if I had to choose again, I would be content either way.

[Anonymous]

OP must be forgiven for thinking that a stressed family friend and a few envious coworkers are representative of "many" parents.

[Anonymous]

I think people say it to fill that awkward space where they say they have no kids.

For whatever reason.

"Oh heh heh! You did it right!" Slaps knee.
"You've got plenty of money and free time!" chuffs chin.

It means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP must be forgiven for thinking that a stressed family friend and a few envious coworkers are representative of "many" parents.

It helps them feel better as they contemplate how long their body will rot before someone bothers to find it.

The answer is: doesn’t matter, they’re probably just going to stuff it in a garbage bag and throw it a dumpster behind Michael’s, because no one cares to do the paperwork to even get you cremated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is highly unlikely they regret having kids. They are just being nice and showing respect for your choice.

But OP was talking about her vacation plans, not her reproductive choices. So why would they respond to vacation talk with her reproductive status in mind? Doesn't seem respectful.

Sounds ultra-conservative.

Probably because the talking about vacation plans came across as bragging.

This is mental projection that can be worked through in therapy. OP said a coworker asked what they were doing for vacation. OP responded. This is how human conversation works.

No, you should working your reading. OP is "shocked" by how many parents are doing this. Something tells me OPs delivery is off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is highly unlikely they regret having kids. They are just being nice and showing respect for your choice.

But OP was talking about her vacation plans, not her reproductive choices. So why would they respond to vacation talk with her reproductive status in mind? Doesn't seem respectful.

Sounds ultra-conservative.

Probably because the talking about vacation plans came across as bragging.

This is mental projection that can be worked through in therapy. OP said a coworker asked what they were doing for vacation. OP responded. This is how human conversation works.

Agreed but then OP took this one conversation where her coworker said something kind of sad and weird and concluded "it's shocking how any parents tell us (DINKS) we 'did it right'"

To be clear the "shocking" number of parents telling OP they did it right is one. Also OP apparently knows a guy with two kids one of whom has special needs and that guy seems unhappy about parenthood.

There is nothing shocking about any of this. OP knows a couple unhappy parents (and it's not even clear they are unhappy in general as OP sees to think a single offhand comment is reflective of a person's entire outlook on life) and is now all "OMG they hate us 'cause they ain't us!!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be forgiven for thinking that a stressed family friend and a few envious coworkers are representative of "many" parents.

It helps them feel better as they contemplate how long their body will rot before someone bothers to find it.

The answer is: doesn’t matter, they’re probably just going to stuff it in a garbage bag and throw it a dumpster behind Michael’s, because no one cares to do the paperwork to even get you cremated.

I feel sorry for you. Genuinely, sorry for whatever is going on in your life that would make you think typing such a comment, even anonymously, to another person is okay. And sorry for the terrible childhood, terrible parents, terrible surroundings that would shape you into such a person. I hope you get counseling so you can change that patterning and hopefully not pass it on fully to your children.

Some people who have children later regret that choice. Some people who choose not to have children later regret that choice. That's reality. And it's naive of OP to not see that a severely-stressed parent of a special needs kid isn't representative of how many regretful parents there are more largely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is highly unlikely they regret having kids. They are just being nice and showing respect for your choice.

But OP was talking about her vacation plans, not her reproductive choices. So why would they respond to vacation talk with her reproductive status in mind? Doesn't seem respectful.

Sounds ultra-conservative.

Probably because the talking about vacation plans came across as bragging.

This is mental projection that can be worked through in therapy. OP said a coworker asked what they were doing for vacation. OP responded. This is how human conversation works.

Agreed but then OP took this one conversation where her coworker said something kind of sad and weird and concluded "it's shocking how any parents tell us (DINKS) we 'did it right'"

To be clear the "shocking" number of parents telling OP they did it right is one. Also OP apparently knows a guy with two kids one of whom has special needs and that guy seems unhappy about parenthood.

There is nothing shocking about any of this. OP knows a couple unhappy parents (and it's not even clear they are unhappy in general as OP sees to think a single offhand comment is reflective of a person's entire outlook on life) and is now all "OMG they hate us 'cause they ain't us!!!!"

I agree with you as well. I think taking a few instances of parents who may be genuinely regretful (one of whom is a dad who is likely under-resourced and lacking proper societal support with his SN kid) and starting a "gee, there sure are a lot of parents who regret having kids" thread is not a mark of a good-faith attempt to start a conversation on a taboo but real subject.

And I think the nastiness displayed in this thread in turn, calling the lives of those who don't have kids empty, meaningless, and pointless is just sinking further into a really ugly display of lack of compassion and really basic decency.

Then again, this is DCUM. Middle-aged 4chan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is highly unlikely they regret having kids. They are just being nice and showing respect for your choice.

But OP was talking about her vacation plans, not her reproductive choices. So why would they respond to vacation talk with her reproductive status in mind? Doesn't seem respectful.

Sounds ultra-conservative.

Probably because the talking about vacation plans came across as bragging.

This is mental projection that can be worked through in therapy. OP said a coworker asked what they were doing for vacation. OP responded. This is how human conversation works.

Agreed but then OP took this one conversation where her coworker said something kind of sad and weird and concluded "it's shocking how any parents tell us (DINKS) we 'did it right'"

To be clear the "shocking" number of parents telling OP they did it right is one. Also OP apparently knows a guy with two kids one of whom has special needs and that guy seems unhappy about parenthood.

There is nothing shocking about any of this. OP knows a couple unhappy parents (and it's not even clear they are unhappy in general as OP sees to think a single offhand comment is reflective of a person's entire outlook on life) and is now all "OMG they hate us 'cause they ain't us!!!!"

I agree with you as well. I think taking a few instances of parents who may be genuinely regretful (one of whom is a dad who is likely under-resourced and lacking proper societal support with his SN kid) and starting a "gee, there sure are a lot of parents who regret having kids" thread is not a mark of a good-faith attempt to start a conversation on a taboo but real subject.

And I think the nastiness displayed in this thread in turn, calling the lives of those who don't have kids empty, meaningless, and pointless is just sinking further into a really ugly display of lack of compassion and really basic decency.

Then again, this is DCUM. Middle-aged 4chan.

Sorry. When you (or whoever OP is) put in your OP this:

"I don’t know what to say to you when you tell me you regret the biggest decision you made in your life, which is to produce another human."

You set the tone. People were honest and told you what they mean by these types of conversations. You don't get to cry about you "mean" everyone is when you came in kicking the hornet's nest on a parenting board. It was designed to rile up, that is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is highly unlikely they regret having kids. They are just being nice and showing respect for your choice.

But OP was talking about her vacation plans, not her reproductive choices. So why would they respond to vacation talk with her reproductive status in mind? Doesn't seem respectful.

Sounds ultra-conservative.

Probably because the talking about vacation plans came across as bragging.

This is mental projection that can be worked through in therapy. OP said a coworker asked what they were doing for vacation. OP responded. This is how human conversation works.

Agreed but then OP took this one conversation where her coworker said something kind of sad and weird and concluded "it's shocking how any parents tell us (DINKS) we 'did it right'"

To be clear the "shocking" number of parents telling OP they did it right is one. Also OP apparently knows a guy with two kids one of whom has special needs and that guy seems unhappy about parenthood.

There is nothing shocking about any of this. OP knows a couple unhappy parents (and it's not even clear they are unhappy in general as OP sees to think a single offhand comment is reflective of a person's entire outlook on life) and is now all "OMG they hate us 'cause they ain't us!!!!"

I agree with you as well. I think taking a few instances of parents who may be genuinely regretful (one of whom is a dad who is likely under-resourced and lacking proper societal support with his SN kid) and starting a "gee, there sure are a lot of parents who regret having kids" thread is not a mark of a good-faith attempt to start a conversation on a taboo but real subject.

And I think the nastiness displayed in this thread in turn, calling the lives of those who don't have kids empty, meaningless, and pointless is just sinking further into a really ugly display of lack of compassion and really basic decency.

Then again, this is DCUM. Middle-aged 4chan.

Sorry. When you (or whoever OP is) put in your OP this:

"I don’t know what to say to you when you tell me you regret the biggest decision you made in your life, which is to produce another human."

You set the tone. People were honest and told you what they mean by these types of conversations. You don't get to cry about you "mean" everyone is when you came in kicking the hornet's nest on a parenting board. It was designed to rile up, that is the point.

I don't think OP wasn't trying to start a good faith discussion, as I said in my previous post.

But I am not a third grader who's going to use "but she started it!" to excuse saying things like people who don't have kids are living pointless lives. It was dumb and uncompassionate of OP to use the dad of a SN kids as a way to make her gloating point. But why would OP overgeneralizing about people with kids cause me to overgeneralize about people without kids? It wouldn't, because my moral compass isn't set that way. It's disgusting.

OP went low, and those responding to this thread went to the depths of hell.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP *was* trying to start a good-faith discussion, that first line should say. ^