Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I laugh at all these women who change their names.

Then they are carrying around a name of a man that despise after they divorce.

Married 40 years and never changed my name. Kids have my last name as their middle name.





.

While your personal experience and your sister's are interesting, they're not the whole picture. Most women, about 85%, still choose to take their husband's last name. And about that idea that taking a last name increases the chances of divorce? Actually, studies don't back that up. In fact, there's no solid evidence saying that taking a husband's last name affects the likelihood of divorce at all. Each couple's situation is unique, and the decision to change a name or not varies based on many factors, not just the stability of the marriage. So, while your choice to keep your maiden name worked for you, others find different value in sharing a last name.

I'm so happy not to be average! My whole social circle too!

[Anonymous]

I changed my name because I wanted to. Some women do and some do not. In a lot of cultures around the world, women do not change their names. We have choices. It's not the deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

Please share your citations. I’m not aware of this research!

[Anonymous]

This can’t be a real post. I call troll. Because why in the world would someone care what other people do about their last names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a real post. I call troll. Because why in the world would someone care what other people do about their last names?

You're gonna trigger that 85% poster again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is such a provincial post. Where I came from, everybody keeps their surname. The first born takes mother's surname, the second takes father's...

OP needs to travel.

It's great to hear about different customs from around the world, but here in the United States, the situation is a bit different. In the U.S., about 85% of women in opposite-sex marriages choose to take their husband's last name. This trend is influenced by cultural norms and traditions specific to the U.S. While it's enriching to learn about and respect various traditions globally, it's also important to recognize that each country and culture has its own practices. In the context of the U.S., name-taking remains a significant trend, regardless of practices elsewhere.

Yes, we know you are in love with "85%" and want to marry it, probably taking its last name. But that isn't what OP posted about.

Nobody is saying that all women keep their last names when marrying, or even that 20% do. They are just saying that some women doing this isn't a new trend, or outrageous, or necessarily a Statement meant to rile up others. It just happens, and it has been happening here in the US for a long time, and it even happens elsewhere in the world with more frequency sometimes.

Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

I bet OP cannnnn’tttttt imaaaaaaaaaaaaagine quite a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't change my name for the same reason DH didn't change is and that your fiance is not changing his.

Ask him why he isn't changing his name to yours and there's your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People may think you are a divorcee or a difficult person if you haven't taken the last name. I said the silent part out loud, it does matter

Why would I care about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn't change my name for the same reason DH didn't change is and that your fiance is not changing his.

Ask him why he isn't changing his name to yours and there's your answer.

Yes, tell him that you would be “ecstatic” if he changed his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

No one cares about your profession maiden name, Hillary Clinton took the last name and she's as lib and professional as they get.

No one cares about men's professional maiden name either. Strange you think it only goes one way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing to consider is that it is a PITA to change your last name. Its been years and still once in a while, I will go to, say, book a flight but realize by airline FF account has my maiden name. And no you can't just update your name easily, you have to fill out forms and send marriage certificates. I knew the big things to update, but then there are also a million other things. Such a hassle.

This isn’t true. You literally fill out some forms and stand in a few lines. It takes a couple of hours altogether. People spend more time on DCUM each week.

No big deal if you are 21 and work PT at the local department store until you get pregnant. A much bigger deal if you have multiple degrees, were licensed and published under the name you were born with, and your employer has to change everything from signage to advertising.

These are incredibly superficial reasons to keep your name. Also, regardless of your profession (which appears to be real estate or ambulance chasing) you aren’t as important as you think you are.

So jelly! I hope your Etsy shop can support you post-divorce.

Jelly? How old are you? I also have advanced degrees and an established name in my field, but I’m not so arrogant to believe that the world will crumble if I had to change my email address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your wife's name in marriage offers a harmonious blend of tradition, practicality, and symbolism, outweighing the potential drawbacks for many couples. This choice, as exemplified by influential men like Prince Philip and Jack White, demonstrates that adopting your wife's surname doesn't hinder professional growth or personal identity; rather, it can complement and enrich them.

One of the standout advantages is the ease it brings to international travel, particularly in customs and immigration processes. Families sharing the same surname often experience smoother and quicker procedures, a significant benefit in today's globalized world. This commonality in the family name simplifies the identification process, especially useful when traveling with children.

In daily life, having the same surname as your spouse and children can streamline administrative tasks related to schooling, medical care, and legal matters. It removes the need for additional documentation to prove family relationships, making these often routine yet crucial tasks more straightforward.

Beyond practicalities, adopting your wife's surname symbolizes the unity and commitment within a marriage. It fosters a strong sense of family identity and belonging, reinforcing the familial bonds. This symbolic gesture is a powerful expression of the new life and journey you embark on together as a family.

In essence, the benefits of taking your wife's name — from smoother travel experiences and simplified daily logistics to the symbolic representation of family unity — significantly outweigh the cons. It's a choice that seamlessly blends tradition with modernity, allowing men to maintain their professional and personal identities while celebrating their marital bond and family unity.

I fixed it for ya!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What problems could it possibly cause “down the road”? I’m genuinely asking you.

I didn’t change my name, partly because I have an established professional license and publications in my maiden name, partly because I didn’t want to give up part of my identity while he kept his. Seems an unfair way to start things out. I suggested that both of us change our names (to his mom’s maiden name) and he didn’t want to do that. He also didn’t pressure me to change to his name. I might have changed it at least for personal use if his surname was an easy one, but it’s not (neither is my maiden name). Oh well.

PS - 15 years in, three kids with his surname, and no problems because of it.

Wouldn't it cause problems travelling or with certain documents for a process that you start as a married couple?

Married for 28 years, 2 kids, and never had a problem traveling or any kind of documents. Not once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families: my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

Meh, your name not who you are. It’s your father’s last name.

As is yours. So what? Once you have a name it's yours.