Can't wait to change my surname, but notice many women keeping theirs, is there a reason for this trend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families] my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

The whole hyphenated name this is absurd. How do you keep that going after generations of kids and grand kids. Keep you name, fine. But don't saddle your kids with a stupid, long name that will become more so when they are grown. I'm with you, OP. Unify your family under one name. If it's the mother's so be it.

People in Spanish country don't hyphenate their surnames, but they generally have two of them: one from the dad and the other one from the mom. When they have children, they generally give the each parent's first surname to the child. This is something people with hyphenated surnames can do, or they can drop one of the surnames entirely. This isn't the big deal you think it is.

You bring up a valid point. While naming practices may vary in different countries, it's essential to consider the context of the USA. Statistically, the majority of women in the U.S. still tend to take their husband's last name in heterosexual marriages. Additionally, practical considerations, like dealing with documentation, forms, and email addresses, often make the double last name challenging to manage in a society where the convention is typically to have a single last name. Ultimately, personal choice should align with individual circumstances and preferences within the cultural context of the USA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all these 85% comments coming from the same person? The stats don't even seem accurate after doing a quick Google search.

I apologize for the misunderstanding. Here's the information in plain text without any markup:

I understand your concern, but the 85% statistic regarding women in heterosexual marriages taking their husband's last name is a commonly cited estimate, though specific numbers can vary based on surveys and regions. For more insights, you can visit:

- Pew Research Center: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/18/about-20-of-americans-who-have-been-married-at-least-once-have-changed-their-name/

- FiveThirtyEight: https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/the-many-men-and-some-women-who-take-their-wives-last-names/

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[Anonymous]

My opinion is that it's good to unify a family with children under one name. But that's just my opinion. If that's not your's, that's ok too.

[Anonymous]

One place where changing a name (mainly in anglo countries) becomes a nightmare is genealogy. I can follow a man through his life but have to do extra work to track a woman. I have to find marriage records to find out her birth name to track her parents. If she remarries, sometimes I can't find her death dates or grave or have to go digging for a second or third marriage certificate.

The French have a different approach. A female is typically recorded in official records using her maiden name throughout her life - birth, death, marriage, census etc

While on this subject, avoid calling your sons after their fathers because that makes research harder too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My opinion is that it's good to unify a family with children under one name. But that's just my opinion. If that's not your's, that's ok too.

What are you going to do when your daughters marry? Will the family fall apart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My opinion is that it's good to unify a family with children under one name. But that's just my opinion. If that's not your's, that's ok too.

What are you going to do if your first husband dies/divorces and you remarry and have a kid with the second husband? Your first kids won't have your new third surname. How will you cope with the lack of unity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is who I am, OP. Why would I change myself? My husband never wanted me to change my name either. Our children have a hyphenated name, to reflect both our families] my husband and I each have a different national and cultural background, so it was important to us. Which means there are three last names in our nuclear family. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't bother any medical, border control, or government administration of any country in which we hold passports or residency permits.

You seem to have lived under a rock all these years. Women have been keeping their own names and identities for generations. Any man who thinks their wife should change their name is strange and weird, unless he'd be fine changing his name to his wife's if that was her preference.

The whole hyphenated name this is absurd. How do you keep that going after generations of kids and grand kids. Keep you name, fine. But don't saddle your kids with a stupid, long name that will become more so when they are grown. I'm with you, OP. Unify your family under one name. If it's the mother's so be it.

People in Spanish country don't hyphenate their surnames, but they generally have two of them: one from the dad and the other one from the mom. When they have children, they generally give the each parent's first surname to the child. This is something people with hyphenated surnames can do, or they can drop one of the surnames entirely. This isn't the big deal you think it is.

You bring up a valid point. While naming practices may vary in different countries, it's essential to consider the context of the USA. Statistically, the majority of women in the U.S. still tend to take their husband's last name in heterosexual marriages. Additionally, practical considerations, like dealing with documentation, forms, and email addresses, often make the double last name challenging to manage in a society where the convention is typically to have a single last name. Ultimately, personal choice should align with individual circumstances and preferences within the cultural context of the USA.

I have a double last name (not hyphenated) and I've never had trouble dealing with documentation or e-mails. I'm Lupita Ding Dong. My e-mail addresses are [e-mail] and [e-mail]. When I fill out forms for documentation and other processes I write "Ding Dong" in the Surname box or make sure that the person filling out the form knows that Ding Dong is my surname. This isn't any harder than spelling a foreign name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title says: I'm getting married in a few days in it hasn't crossed my mind to keep my surname. We're going to start a family and I'd love all of us to have the same surname, as we're playing for the same team. My soon to be husband is ecstatic as well that I'm taking his surname. I was aware that women with fancy careers or with research published under their names kept their surnames at higher rates as they had build a name under their maiden surname. However, I started noticing a similar trend among women with less public careers and even homemakers who I know for a fact are married. I can't imagine having a different surname than my children, but it looks like some women see nothing wrong with this. Is there a reason for this? Doesn't it cause problems the road? Just asking out of curiosity.

My husbands last name was way easier to pronounce and much more common. I happily changed my name. Can’t find me online unless you know me. It’s too common of a name now!

Do what you want. Your marriage is yours. I know lots of people who do things different than us - but you will find your way in your own marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My opinion is that it's good to unify a family with children under one name. But that's just my opinion. If that's not your's, that's ok too.

What are you going to do when your daughters marry? Will the family fall apart?

Or end up in witness protection and change their names from Julia Anderson to Mary Buttcracken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

Marriages rates are down and cohabitation is up. It may be that straight women getting married are already more conservative on average than their unmarried straight or married lesbian counterparts.

The drop in marriage rates and the increase in cohabitation don't necessarily mean straight women who get married are more conservative. It's about changing attitudes toward relationships.

Plus, in straight marriages, most women still go for the husband's last name, not just because of tradition, but also because it makes life simpler, like in dealing with schools, travel, and paperwork. This choice isn't so much about conservatism as it is about practicality and ease in daily life.

And even though there are more gay marriages these days, they're still a small percentage compared to straight marriages, so their preferences, like last name changes, don't significantly impact the overall trend.

The same level of practicality could be achieved if men were the ones to change their surname to that of their wives, so yes, it's tradition.

[Anonymous]

So many uses of the word “surname.” I feel as though I’m in an English novel.

[Anonymous]

Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

I think I'm gonna need a few citations here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that it's better to all have the same last name but it's a personal decision.

I think I'm gonna need a few citations here...

+1 Families where the wife doesn't change her name probably have a higher level of education and wealth, so I'd be interested to see supporting research too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A trend? Most of my friends did not take their husband’s names 20-30 years ago.

It's important not to be deceived by a small sample like your friend group. The overall trend, backed by stats, shows a different story. About 85% of women in recent years have taken their husband's last name. This trend indicates a strong cultural norm and practical ease in adopting the husband's surname, even in more liberal areas like DC. The DCUrbanMom forum might have a vocal left-leaning voice, but it doesn't fully represent the wider societal views, which clearly favor name-taking.

Marriages rates are down and cohabitation is up. It may be that straight women getting married are already more conservative on average than their unmarried straight or married lesbian counterparts.

The drop in marriage rates and the increase in cohabitation don't necessarily mean straight women who get married are more conservative. It's about changing attitudes toward relationships.

Plus, in straight marriages, most women still go for the husband's last name, not just because of tradition, but also because it makes life simpler, like in dealing with schools, travel, and paperwork. This choice isn't so much about conservatism as it is about practicality and ease in daily life.

And even though there are more gay marriages these days, they're still a small percentage compared to straight marriages, so their preferences, like last name changes, don't significantly impact the overall trend.

I have traveled all my over with my kids and have had them in a larger number of schools and didn't change my last name and have literally never had an issue other that occasionally i am called by my husbands last name