Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

My DH:
Decent earner (mid $100s) but no ambition to earn more (to be fair, I’m not ambitious either)
Contributes around house when asked but does not take initiative
Generally very easygoing and does not get stressed out easily
Loves our dog (we don’t have kids) and animals in general
Very smart
Thinks he is funnier than he actually is
In good shape and exercises regularly with a bit of a gut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Why is he still reading every morning to 16-year olds?

I mid-wrote, he used to read to them now they all read together and then discuss.

Wow. I’m so sorry. For me, the cheating and the *incredibly* poor judgment to do it with his own patient cancel out every nice thing you wrote before. I would absolutely divorce over this, and I forgive very, very easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Why is he still reading every morning to 16-year olds?

I mid-wrote, he used to read to them now they all read together and then discuss.

Wow. I’m so sorry. For me, the cheating and the *incredibly* poor judgment to do it with his own patient cancel out every nice thing you wrote before. I would absolutely divorce over this, and I forgive very, very easily.

If you aren’t already divorced, you need to think of the kids. To violate the trust in a doctor-patient relationship the way your husband did is a huge, huge problem, and makes me wonder what other judgment problems he has— and what he’s been teaching the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

I should add good looking, works out several times a week including weights and running, athletic and trim. Good dresser. Looks younger than his age.

I thought this would get more comments

[Anonymous]

He has gotten us into some financial jeopardy with over leverage but he seems to always wriggle his way out to a better place, as he did with this. He is a great escape artist, somehow manages to get what he wants while evading the worst consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

I should add good looking, works out several times a week including weights and running, athletic and trim. Good dresser. Looks younger than his age.

I thought this would get more comments

Why? It’s a totally common and banal desire. You’re not as kinky as you think.

[Anonymous]

More DW and DH lists, please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

I should add good looking, works out several times a week including weights and running, athletic and trim. Good dresser. Looks younger than his age.

I thought this would get more comments

There are no actual bad or annoying traits. He has an unusual, but harmless fetish. Shrug. Does he get on OPs nerves? Constantly leave socks on the floor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good earner ($225k)
Better investor. Has parlayed a small <$100k inheritance, plus our contributions over the years, into a $4M+ investment portfolio, so we generally earn more from our money than working.
Early 40s
Excellent father. Involved, loving, patient. Smart, well-educated, advanced degree, and can and will tutor our kids in any subject they need.
Good in bed, good and enthusiastic at oral and ensuring my pleasure.

Has a fetish for being spanked. Doesn’t require it to have sex, but loves it nonetheless and wants me to do it (over my lap) when we’re alone and there’s no one around to hear.

I should add good looking, works out several times a week including weights and running, athletic and trim. Good dresser. Looks younger than his age.

I thought this would get more comments

Why? Your DH sounds ideal, you didn't mention one weakness unless you think being spanked is a negative. It's a harmless kink compared to most men and a fraction of what women who are cheated on deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very Pretty
Very good body
Dedicated Mother to the point where she can not say no and does everything for kids. Kids are becoming miserable to be around, example walking into places with no masks on or masks below the chin. We live in an area with mask mandate, mom thinks its funny. Kids on phone all the time, don't do homework, disrespectful to teachers, see sees this as showing strength and independence.
Wakes up complaining, goes to bed complaining.
Sex life is non existent.
Works from home, goes to gym, nails, shopping and such during the day so that when the kids come home she can complain about how she is always "stuck" at her desk working.
Maxes out every credit card available, spends all the money in any accounts she has access to.
Good cook.
Keeps the house clean, basically a maid to the kids. I cook and clean up also, but I am not a maid to the kids, I make them clean up rooms, bring laundry down and such. We also have housekeepers come 1 x a week to do a deep clean.
Only shows interest in me when discussing money and planning things like purchases or vacations.

Out! Way out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH:

handsome and very fit (gets compared to Matthew Mcconaughey and Bradley Cooper by strangers- looks like their love child)
decent earner 200k
very good at sharing cleaning and chores around the house (except cooking- terrible cook)
excellent with tracking financials and home/family admin
stylish without trying hard
is reliable
is smart and interested in the world
is charismatic and well regarded by peers, employers, coworkers, and subordinates
likes to read books, watch movies and shows, with me- always something to talk about
highly confident (overly confident? doesn't always do the legwork to make sure things will turn out well- just assumes they will)
has loud angry overreactions when something small happens (kid spills milk, someone doesn't let him merge in traffic)
is impatient
can be selfish/prioritizes himself (workout time, rest time, etc) over the needs of the family. a small example, he scheduled a race for the day we moved into our new house- leaving me with 2 toddlers and a house full of boxes. it was a disaster.
is always comparing who has done what in our marriage, like a running tally. "well i changed a poop this morning, so it's your turn" even though i am in the middle of cooking dinner
doesn't take even the slightest criticism well- gets very defensive
never apologizes of his own volition
has an awful, gossipy, narcissistic and interfering mother

.

This is a tough one. Probably out. The bean counting would tip the scales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Do we have the same wife? Over spends on fashion, egotistical, lost friends because of her god complex. Waiting until our son is older to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I feel like there’s a lot more to unpack with this one. Maybe he is not in touch with his wants and needs, and has learned to suppress them, but deep down feels like there is something missing … which led him to the affair and the severe lapse of judgement? Pass.

NP. Whoa. Also didnt' see that coming. But then the 7-10 work schedule should have been a red flag. Days that long all week every week plus "admin" on weekends sounds like not all those hours were actual work. Too much opportunity to cheat and too little time at home (despite the reading to the kids). I'd trade away the two "top-notch" homes and pool and the income for more hours at home. And I don't know how he was able to nurse the PP through a serious illness if he was working hours like that....Sadly, to me, "strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive" people don't carry on three-year lies at the most profound level. I could only stay with this one if he altered the work hours (even with loss of income), was remorseful to his very marrow, and entered intensive couples therapy with me. Maybe not even then. I see a disconnect between loving/supportive etc. and three year affair and it's a pretty grave disconnect on the level of character. Could be salvaged but like I said -- the hours would have to change. Too much opportunity.

Something off on this one. Is he waking up the kids at 6am every day to read together? Also, this is basically a long distance relationship, with a man who may or may not have another girlfriend in his town.

Yes, they wake up early; for 18 months we were both teleworking also so have been all together in our country house all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Do we have the same wife? Over spends on fashion, egotistical, lost friends because of her god complex. Waiting until our son is older to divorce.

I think our situation is unfortunately common. Does your wife have any clue you are planning on leaving? Mine doesn't. Although how surprised can one be that your spouse left you after a decade of a sexless marriage