Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we are obligated to agree with everything anyone says or else it’s a racist microaggression?

Geez I miss the 90s when everyone wasn’t so high-strung and constantly looking for ways to be offended.

Remember when friendly debates could simply end in “Whatever” and then everyone moved on? Sigh.

It isn't about agreeing with everything. It's fine if you disagree with me. But when someone else says the exact same thing 5 mins later, it makes you wonder, "why didn't she believe me?"

DP - I get that. But in this example, the man said his wife, a POC, had that experience the OP described. Is it a microagression or objectively changing her mind based on more facts/experiences?

Why does she need more facts/experiences beyond those of her friend, who works in this field?!

+1

And why is she disagreeing without looking it up? A Google search would have been all it took to confirm OP's assertions. Why say you don't think it is true without any knowledge to back up your opinion? She could have said " I never knew that!" and then do her research to confirm.

She is a combative dummy at the very least. OP does not need to deal with that on a constant basis.

I know! It’s Jsut so obvious and so obvious why it is so. What a macro aggression indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be annoyed at your friend too. BUT you basically told your friend that you thinks she is racist. That's a really loaded accusation to make, especially when there are other possible explanations. For instance, maybe she still believes she is right, but didn't want to argue with a stranger who inserted himself in your conversation (weird).

If I had a friend who accused me of racism, I would feel mortified. I would apolgzie and certainly reflect on my behavior. Probably wouldn't be able to move forward though because I would feel to anxious to be around you.

Accusing a white person of being racist or accusing them of micro aggressions has now become a moral transgression. It is kind of like telling your friend that she is liar or a thief. The topic has become so loaded that it is difficult to engage in an honest conversation.

I'm sorry, WHAT? Did you literally just say that because it is so, so awful to point out to someone that what they said was racist, we should just NOT do that because it'll hurt their feelings more than it would hurt a person of color to hear the statement? Are you for real?

To be fair, the friend did not "say something racist." It being racist is an inference based on the OP being a POC and the other person being white, but there are many other possible reasons that have been discussed why the friend acted that way that are race-neutral. So this right is what people are taking issue with, the assumption they are racist because they reacted a certain why. I understand why OP feels the way she does in this context, but we also don't know if the friend is contrarian all the time, with everyone, and clams up when challenged by a third party. We can't assume the friend is racist and deserves to be called out.

No, there are not many possible reasons. The friend is either racist or obtuse. Either way, OP has to move on. Sending texts to these kinds is a waste of energy.

You give the benefit of the doubt to a friend who uses a wrong word, for example, not to someone who will dismiss facts without bothering to do any research. That is not a friend. That's an adversary. You can interact with those kinds in classrooms and on message boards like this one.

Exactly.
It’s us against them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a POC myself, from Uruguay. I don’t understand why terms like WOC are used here. Is that the norm in the DC area? Why are all minorities lumped together against the majority?

Troll.

Stop the race baiting. We all know what Subsaharan Africans think of AAs.

For example, Asian privilege exists so not sure why it’s called WOC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still confused about which one of you the man was saying was correct.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he's not just a white man, he's a white man who has experience married to a WOC. The story is not exactly as how you originally described. Its not as if he tried to mansplain, he gave her perspective from a real life scenario.

And the perspective coming from the real life WOC in front of her wasn't sufficient?

What I'm saying is, she just believe the "White man". She believed the real life story, not the stat from grad school.

It's not a stat from grad school - I'm a White female tax lawyer and I knew that Black woman have higher mortality rates during birth. I'm actually kind of surprised your friend didn't know that, and I'm even more surprised that she questioned you on it when she said it. She seems like a bit of a jerk.

Maybe she’s not well read and doesn’t know a lot of unemployed obese poor pregnant females with bad health care globally or domestically.

If you did even a teeny tiny bit of research, you would know that black women have worst outcomes even when you account for all of the above. But it wouldn't fit your narrative, so why bother? It's easier to feign ignorance abd stupidity.

I know. Covid and pneumonia are racist too. Age don’t matter either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Armenian women, I think you were wrong and rude.

Trolling again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

You seem obsessed OP. If you can’t let small things go, then good luck.

Yes, silly little OP for being upset at her friend's small racism. She should just let it go.

You mean they didn’t launch into a convo about what’s driving that particular population’s health issues and pregnancy issues?

What a missed opportunity!

A missed opportunity to bust out more facts. But what if all the risk factors cancel out? Or are too correlated to income and education? Who do we blame them?

And what if they do not cancel out, you ignorant fool? Did you look it up?

#ClassyCalmConversationalist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a POC myself, from Uruguay. I don’t understand why terms like WOC are used here. Is that the norm in the DC area? Why are all minorities lumped together against the majority?

Troll.

Stop the race baiting. We all know what Subsaharan Africans think of AAs.

For example, Asian privilege exists so not sure why it’s called WOC.

It’s ok. American libs now carve out all Pacific Islanders, East Asians, oriental Asians, SE Asians from Minority status. Women included. Their marriage, graduation, income and crime rates were skewing the results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we are obligated to agree with everything anyone says or else it’s a racist microaggression?

Geez I miss the 90s when everyone wasn’t so high-strung and constantly looking for ways to be offended.

Remember when friendly debates could simply end in “Whatever” and then everyone moved on? Sigh.

It isn't about agreeing with everything. It's fine if you disagree with me. But when someone else says the exact same thing 5 mins later, it makes you wonder, "why didn't she believe me?"

DP - I get that. But in this example, the man said his wife, a POC, had that experience the OP described. Is it a microagression or objectively changing her mind based on more facts/experiences?

Why does she need more facts/experiences beyond those of her friend, who works in this field?!

+1

And why is she disagreeing without looking it up? A Google search would have been all it took to confirm OP's assertions. Why say you don't think it is true without any knowledge to back up your opinion? She could have said " I never knew that!" and then do her research to confirm.

She is a combative dummy at the very least. OP does not need to deal with that on a constant basis.

No one here is “combative” except some posters here and OP’s over the line long text message, which the friend handled superbly.

So what if OP’s statement was unknown to the friend and the friend said No way! Did an argument ensue? Was it combative!? Did an argument start when a passerbyer gave an anecdotal story? Do women of all colors get taken less seriously in whatever situation they were combatting about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we are obligated to agree with everything anyone says or else it’s a racist microaggression?

Geez I miss the 90s when everyone wasn’t so high-strung and constantly looking for ways to be offended.

Remember when friendly debates could simply end in “Whatever” and then everyone moved on? Sigh.

It isn't about agreeing with everything. It's fine if you disagree with me. But when someone else says the exact same thing 5 mins later, it makes you wonder, "why didn't she believe me?"

DP - I get that. But in this example, the man said his wife, a POC, had that experience the OP described. Is it a microagression or objectively changing her mind based on more facts/experiences?

Why does she need more facts/experiences beyond those of her friend, who works in this field?!

+1

And why is she disagreeing without looking it up? A Google search would have been all it took to confirm OP's assertions. Why say you don't think it is true without any knowledge to back up your opinion? She could have said " I never knew that!" and then do her research to confirm.

She is a combative dummy at the very least. OP does not need to deal with that on a constant basis.

No one here is “combative” except some posters here and OP’s over the line long text message, which the friend handled superbly.

So what if OP’s statement was unknown to the friend and the friend said No way! Did an argument ensue? Was it combative!? Did an argument start when a passerbyer gave an anecdotal story? Do women of all colors get taken less seriously in whatever situation they were combatting about?

Right on schedule, combative poster comes in to say no one is being combative.

This thread is like watching the Olympics of un-self awareness.

[Anonymous]

You were upfront and said what you felt. She felt differently and saud so. Moving forward, hopefully she should be more sensitive or friendship wouldn't stay the same. Texts are always confusing when it cones to relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we are obligated to agree with everything anyone says or else it’s a racist microaggression?

Geez I miss the 90s when everyone wasn’t so high-strung and constantly looking for ways to be offended.

Remember when friendly debates could simply end in “Whatever” and then everyone moved on? Sigh.

It isn't about agreeing with everything. It's fine if you disagree with me. But when someone else says the exact same thing 5 mins later, it makes you wonder, "why didn't she believe me?"

DP - I get that. But in this example, the man said his wife, a POC, had that experience the OP described. Is it a microagression or objectively changing her mind based on more facts/experiences?

Why does she need more facts/experiences beyond those of her friend, who works in this field?!

+1

And why is she disagreeing without looking it up? A Google search would have been all it took to confirm OP's assertions. Why say you don't think it is true without any knowledge to back up your opinion? She could have said " I never knew that!" and then do her research to confirm.

She is a combative dummy at the very least. OP does not need to deal with that on a constant basis.

No one here is “combative” except some posters here and OP’s over the line long text message, which the friend handled superbly.

So what if OP’s statement was unknown to the friend and the friend said No way! Did an argument ensue? Was it combative!? Did an argument start when a passerbyer gave an anecdotal story? Do women of all colors get taken less seriously in whatever situation they were combatting about?

When a statement is unknown to you, you nod and admit that you "never knew that." Then keep queit until you've had time to digest enough materials to have an intelligent discussion and/or ask questions. You don't dismiss statements that are unknown to you, especially when it concerns a topic that you should know, if that individual was truly a friend, is sensitive. You should be reasonable and empathetic, not dismissive about subjects that are important to your friends.

This is common sense, and you should approach most statements this way. For example, I am the poster who let a friend go because she said allergies would just go away if children were fed the stuff they were allergic to. After all, she continued, her generation did not have this many allergies. Imagine having a toddler ( first child) with a peanut allergy and your friend is telling you to just give your toddler peanuts and call it a day with this "allergy stuff". And my pediatrician was telling me to be especially careful with the peanut allergy because it was the most dangerous. She was unnecessarily dismissive. That is not how friends behave.

Additionally, OP indicated that this is not the first time this friend has acted this way. The friend is not a good one for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be annoyed at your friend too. BUT you basically told your friend that you thinks she is racist. That's a really loaded accusation to make, especially when there are other possible explanations. For instance, maybe she still believes she is right, but didn't want to argue with a stranger who inserted himself in your conversation (weird).

If I had a friend who accused me of racism, I would feel mortified. I would apolgzie and certainly reflect on my behavior. Probably wouldn't be able to move forward though because I would feel to anxious to be around you.

Accusing a white person of being racist or accusing them of micro aggressions has now become a moral transgression. It is kind of like telling your friend that she is liar or a thief. The topic has become so loaded that it is difficult to engage in an honest conversation.

I'm sorry, WHAT? Did you literally just say that because it is so, so awful to point out to someone that what they said was racist, we should just NOT do that because it'll hurt their feelings more than it would hurt a person of color to hear the statement? Are you for real?

To be fair, the friend did not "say something racist." It being racist is an inference based on the OP being a POC and the other person being white, but there are many other possible reasons that have been discussed why the friend acted that way that are race-neutral. So this right is what people are taking issue with, the assumption they are racist because they reacted a certain why. I understand why OP feels the way she does in this context, but we also don't know if the friend is contrarian all the time, with everyone, and clams up when challenged by a third party. We can't assume the friend is racist and deserves to be called out.

First of all, the response said "Accusing a white person of being racist or accusing them of micro aggressions has now become a moral transgression" so reread with that in mind. That poster said it's SO offensive to accuse someone of engaging in a microaggression and my response to that is the same - that is an idiotic argument to make. Truly. Just say it out loud to yourself a few times until you get it.

Second of all, OP is saying HOW SHE FELT. You don't get to dismiss her feelings. Who cares if there are multiple different points of view that white women have come up with on this thread? OP felt how she felt, and not just from this one encounter (so let's assume she knows more about this friend than you do, shall we?).

Third, spend some time with some self-reflection as to why you think it's worse for OP to tell someone how she FEELS as a woman of color than it is to possibly make the friend examine her interactions with OP and realize that she actually is a little bit racist.

I know, I know, you're so woke and you have so many black friends and you donate to the public school you don't send your kids to, etc. I get it. Congratulations. Now just sit quietly and ruminate a bit on why you think it's worse for a friend to tell another friend (in a private text!) how her behavior came across as a microaggression than for the friend to have engaged in such microaggression.

I'm not the PP that called it a moral transgression and I do agree that was OTT and, well, weird.

OP is here asking if people thought the text was rude or an overreaction, so maybe some part of her feels like she possibly went overboard. Plenty of posters think so. Using the word microaggression was a choice. It implies her friend is racist. She could have gotten the same point across by saying she felt hurt that her friend would believe a random person immediately even though OP has credentials and experience. If the friend is open-minded she might have reflected and considered the racial angle herself. If she's not the type of person that would do that the friendship is probably doomed anyway. By sending the message she did, it's almost inevitable the friend would get defensive and say it's not that.

To the posters that agree with OP's text, I would actually be curious what type of response you would want to see from the friend. What if the friend is truly puzzled and truly does not believe she was unconsciously being racist? How should she answer?

She should say “sorry black friend, next time you present facts about blacks in Black History Month I will not disagree without evidence to the contrary”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Armenian women, I think you were wrong and rude.

About what and based on what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a POC myself, from Uruguay. I don’t understand why terms like WOC are used here. Is that the norm in the DC area? Why are all minorities lumped together against the majority?

Troll.

Stop the race baiting. We all know what Subsaharan Africans think of AAs.

😔 do you even know where Uruguay is?