DD hit DH, apologized - DH still won’t engage

[Anonymous]

She came into your room happy and apologetic the next day because she wanted to get her phone back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think things have gotten to a very bad point where your daughter is hitting someone twice in a night.

This is not a "send to your room" level issue. You and husband need to figure out what is going on here and have an appropriate level of correction/punishment with your daughter. You guys need to be a team here and take this seriously. I don't think this incident is over nor should it be.

Is this behavior out of the blue or part of a larger pattern?

I posted before. I expected my husbands reaction to be temporary, but it wasn’t so I’m mainly looking for advice on how to prove to him that what he’s doing is wrong.

She’s received consequences for her behavior. She became angry, and resorted to violence which isn’t the solution, and we’re working on dealing with it.

I just think he shouldn’t be cold to her. How can I get him to see how this is hurting her?

I really hope you're trolling, because you're really not doing your daughter any favors here.

The fact that you're running to the internet to prove to him that he's wrong is all kinds of screwy. Your husband doesn't care what internet randos with partial information thinks, nor should he. You cannot just berate him into your way of thinking. His opinions on parenting and consequences when he was the one hit matter.

You interfering so your daughter doesn't face consequences for hitting someone is toxic.

My daughter already received consequences. No devices for two months, no freinds/going out for two months, no allowance, no vacation with freinds this summer, and my husband wants to leave her while we go on our family vacation this year.

All I really want for him is to not ignore her.

[Anonymous]

TROLL.

Really mentally ill OP and mentally ill DD.

Poor DH.

[Anonymous]

He is preoccupied looking up military schools

[Anonymous]

Next time write the story more realistically for a teen. Or post in the elementary forum and change the age to a 5 yo and take out the part about the phone to make it more believable. You will get more responses that way.

It’s a nice day. Go outside and enjoy the weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same kid with half a brain. I would have had her arrested.

Same troll you are falling for.

[Anonymous]

I hope you're a troll. If you are, get a life.

If you're not, you seem to be facilitating this issue by siding with your 16 year old daughter. Your daughter acted friendly in the morning because she wanted her phone back, not because she felt remorse. If she truly felt remorse, she should understand that she needs help beyond what you are providing her as a mother. She deserves to have her phone taken away for a month, and no hanging out with friends for two weeks for hitting a parents TWICE!

[Anonymous]

Also, she needs to write a reflective not of apology and expect nothing back. Your husband will forgive her, and talk to her again when he feels ready.

[Anonymous]

By 16 you learn that actions have consequences. Egregious behavior isn’t fixed by an “I’m sorry”. You can be sorry but don’t expect others to get over it that quickly. This is the same for friendships, relationships, and workplace settings. Better to learn it now than later with higher stakes.

Also, the OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Also, I would expect the dd to send written sincere apologies to the aunt as well. The sullen teen ruined dinner for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think things have gotten to a very bad point where your daughter is hitting someone twice in a night.

This is not a "send to your room" level issue. You and husband need to figure out what is going on here and have an appropriate level of correction/punishment with your daughter. You guys need to be a team here and take this seriously. I don't think this incident is over nor should it be.

Is this behavior out of the blue or part of a larger pattern?

I posted before. I expected my husbands reaction to be temporary, but it wasn’t so I’m mainly looking for advice on how to prove to him that what he’s doing is wrong.

She’s received consequences for her behavior. She became angry, and resorted to violence which isn’t the solution, and we’re working on dealing with it.

I just think he shouldn’t be cold to her. How can I get him to see how this is hurting her?

I really hope you're trolling, because you're really not doing your daughter any favors here.

The fact that you're running to the internet to prove to him that he's wrong is all kinds of screwy. Your husband doesn't care what internet randos with partial information thinks, nor should he. You cannot just berate him into your way of thinking. His opinions on parenting and consequences when he was the one hit matter.

You interfering so your daughter doesn't face consequences for hitting someone is toxic.

My daughter already received consequences. No devices for two months, no freinds/going out for two months, no allowance, no vacation with freinds this summer, and my husband wants to leave her while we go on our family vacation this year.

All I really want for him is to not ignore her.

You keep changing your story and this is hopeless.

If you're not a troll, get off the internet and talk to your spouse like a grown up.

[Anonymous]

How is OP able to continue to post variations of this fake story.

[Anonymous]

School forty minutes away?

[Anonymous]

Just as your daughter feels justified to have her behavior over not liking dinner and escalating ...her dad should feel justified to be upset.
Yes every day should be a reset but hitting your parent is not ok. Just as hitting a child is not ok.
She was happy and apologized expecting her phone back but she did cross a line and he's allowed to take some time and verbalize to her why he is taking time. At some point they will hopefully talk

40 min drive sounds like private school so she was upset going to school w/out her phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is acting cold towards my daughter, and it’s not okay.

Last night at dinner with my sister-in-law (it was her favorite restaurant), my daughter was already upset because she didn’t like where we were eating. She was acting rude toward my husband — eye rolling, attitude, etc. She got upset over something small and escalated into being openly disrespectful. My husband corrected her, which escalated things further, and she ended up hitting him — once in the car and again at home.

She turned around and tried to walk away after that and he grabbed her phone, and made her stay in her bedroom the rest of the night. He said she was a brat. When she tried to come out, he yelled at her to stay inside. There was no tuck-in or goodnight.

This morning she woke up happy and came into our bedroom early and woke us up, apologized, gave us hugs, and seemed genuinely sorry. But my husband stayed very cold and didn’t have a calm conversation with her. She asked my husband for her phone back, but he told her no. She sat crying in our bed, ended up missing the bus, and I had to drive her 40 minutes to school while she cried the whole way. Now she thinks her dad doesn’t love her anymore because of how he’s treated her.

My daughter apologized to my husband, so how long can we expect my husband to act distant and cold. This isn’t healthy for her, and I think my husband is being unreasonable.

How do you balance holding firm boundaries while also repairing things afterward?

Wow.

Your DD hit your DH twice, with plenty of time in between. DH is holding a boundary, you're caving and going along with DD, letting her think it's okay, but it's not.

Let me put it to you this way:

Pretend that it's a teen DS and you. 16-18yo DS hits you in the car because you said no. Then he hits you again when you get home when you refuse to do what he wants. Your DH excuses it, wants you to brush it under the carpet after some tears and an apology.

Then it happens again in a month. And a few weeks after that. Pretty soon, DS has learned that he can hit you whenever.

That's domestic abuse. Your DD is younger and smaller than DH. Doesn't matter.

He corrected her attitude (as he should) and stayed calm in the moment. He took her phone, sent her to her room, made her stay when she tried to leave her room (would have been better without yelling, but whatever, minor in the whole story), and he didn't reward her behavior with tuck in or goodnight.

She shouldn't have been happy this morning. She shouldn't have assumed that assault on a parent would be easily solved with tears and a quick apology.

She made a choice to have a crying fit on your bed vs getting out the door for the bus... and rather than making her figure out a new plan (public transit, uber, pay a friend's older sibling or parent, etc), you rescued her.

Yes, she's scared that he doesn't love her anymore. That's a reasonable fear when you hit a parent twice! They should be afraid of what the parent thinks and feels about them!

You need to have a discussion with DH, away from DD. This was behavior to him, he was assaulted, and frankly? He needs to be the one to put his foot down... with you backing whatever he decides.

I can tell you that if it were me with a mentally stable preteen or teen? They would be copying local, state and federal statutes related to assault and domestic assault. When they finished? We'd have a long conversation about what happens when one adult or teen who looks like an adult assaults another adult in public... and that many states will bypass the victim to prosecute if they suspect domestic abuse.

Women don't get arrested or charged as often as men... but it does happen.