DD hit DH, apologized - DH still won’t engage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My husband acted the same yesterday until dinner, when they finally sat down and talked things through. He made it clear that hitting is never okay, and they had a long conversation about expectations, respect, and how to behave in public. I’ve already wrote out the consequences she’ll face. She does have a watch she can use to call in an emergency.

I also think it’s important to remember that teens can have tough moments—she was having a bad day. It doesn’t signal always signal bigger issues. That said, she knows this behavior isn’t acceptable, and we’re addressing it seriously.

Violence is not a bad day. This is a 16 year old who is using violence. Your husband’s reaction was also unhealthy. You all need to be in family therapy, your daughter needs individual therapy, and you probably need couples counseling as well. Minimizing the issues is not going to help anyone. You need to wake up and deal with this. You DO have bigger issues. Your daughter is 16 and you have limited time to deal with it. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not 1980. You don't just ground and take away a phone and think it will fix anything. Get her to a psychiatrist soon and figure out what is going on.

She has no history of mental health problems, no symptoms —this was a one-time incident where she hit him. She responds well to consequences.

It’s not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s important to learn the lesson that people will not always immediately forgive just because you say “sorry”

It’s important to learn how to recognize a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. Obviously, your daughter is troubled if she is hitting your husband at age 16. That is not normal or okay. That must be difficult for you.

Your DH is an adult. He needs to use his words and say "I love you, AND it is not okay for you to hit me. I still feel sad and hurt that you did that". I agree that acting cold and distant is wrong. That is passive aggressive.

You and DH need to work together to address your kid's behavior.

No, she needs consequence and serious help.

Where in the above did you see a suggestion that consequences and serious help are not needed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not 1980. You don't just ground and take away a phone and think it will fix anything. Get her to a psychiatrist soon and figure out what is going on.

She has no history of mental health problems, no symptoms —this was a one-time incident where she hit him. She responds well to consequences.

It’s not normal.

It’s not normal but it’s also not atypical or means there’s an issue.

[Anonymous]

She needs therapy. The next person she hits the police will charge her with assault. This is not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how old is she?

She’s 16.

Wow, your husband is right. She’s grounded for acting like a brat and having temper tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not 1980. You don't just ground and take away a phone and think it will fix anything. Get her to a psychiatrist soon and figure out what is going on.

She has no history of mental health problems, no symptoms —this was a one-time incident where she hit him. She responds well to consequences.

It’s not normal.

It’s not normal but it’s also not atypical or means there’s an issue.

It is atypical.

[Anonymous]

Dad of a 16 yo girl. I cannot imagine my daughter hitting me. It just would not happen under any circumstances.

Not hypothetically if she did (which she wouldn't!), that would dramatically alter our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Why oh why did you let her cry in your room ? She is trying to play you two and it's working on you. She needs more than one night no phone. You need to be on your husband side

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad of a 16 yo girl. I cannot imagine my daughter hitting me. It just would not happen under any circumstances.

Not hypothetically if she did (which she wouldn't!), that would dramatically alter our relationship.

In what ways?

[Anonymous]

The story doesn’t sound genuine.

[Anonymous]

You tuck in your 16 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tuck in your 16 year old?

Thought the same thing. Clearly a toll. In the off chance it's not, mom, you are at fault here for raising such a brat. Your husband is right and you not backing him up sucks. A 16 year old brat will apologize for anything to anyone to get her precious phone back. You allowed her to be a brat for not liking the restaurant you went to?! Seriously? And that she feels she can resort to striking someone is bonkers. Get her into therapy or she'll be one of those awful women who batters her partner thinking she's protected because she's female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs therapy. The next person she hits the police will charge her with assault. This is not ok.

Yep. OP is setting this kid up for failure.