16yo DD Refused to Enter School for Conference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the actual
You need to put her first. You never should have forced her. This is not ok. She may not trust you for a long time.
I think she needs to be transferred out of that teachers realm. Someone is abusing her- father teacher or you. Those worlds collided.

Why wouldn't she trust OP??? OP didn't exactly lie about where they were going and waht the expectation was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the actual
You need to put her first. You never should have forced her. This is not ok. She may not trust you for a long time.
I think she needs to be transferred out of that teachers realm. Someone is abusing her- father teacher or you. Those worlds collided.

Why wouldn't she trust OP??? OP didn't exactly lie about where they were going and waht the expectation was.

If you don't already get it then it can't be explained.

[Anonymous]

It’s a private school, sorry, I’m not willing to name it. Her father didn’t physically force her. He told her he would get the teacher outside, and that’s when she started walking. He just held her hand so she wouldn’t try to escape again. She isn’t angry that she had to go the conference, was just nervous about talking to the teachers, but everything went well, so she’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m kind of surprised by these responses. I have a child who does stuff like this. I never know how to handle but don’t really think letting them stay in the car is the right answer. And it’s not bc of abuse or any reason. It’s severe anxiety, that only gets worse when it is coddled.

There is no good answer but there are better and worse answers. Letting her remain in the car is better than physically chasing/grabbing. That is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that this actually happened. The troll stories get worse and worse.

Same

[Anonymous]

She sounds autistic, OP. I’d have her evaluated.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say “only” about procrastinating and turning things in late. That’s a fairly big deal if it’s a pattern of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP. I’d have her evaluated.

I’d have her evaluated but think you diagnosing her on the internet is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

You don’t know much about anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I think the DD sounds like a coddled spoiled brat. OP should make sure that DD experiences natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

Um…she never wanted to go and clearly said that. She reluctantly got in car, probably bc parents forced it.

OP, you shouldn’t have forced this. Unless she was failing or something and this was an interventional type meeting where you, the teacher, and her had to come up with a plan/sign a contract, etc. to help her pass the class…I don’t see why you would force her to go to a conference. Sure, sometimes it’s “recommended” but that doesn’t mean it’s a must. It most cases, I think I get more accurate feedback about my kid when they aren’t there.

[Anonymous]

Given how you and your ex treated her, I am. It surprised she has issues. Both of you are so controlling and do not seem to see her as a person with any autonomy or agency or decision making. Has she ever been allowed to make a decision? Does she have control over anything in life or do you just order her and manhandle her and force her to bend to your command?

She could have made a disappointing or bad decision to not go.

Why do you care why she did what she did? You don’t seem to care about her as a person at all? You didn’t care about the why or her at all then, why now.

[Anonymous]

You handled it inappropriately, but clearly your DD has something going on. This isn’t in the realm of normal behavior. Going to a conference just shouldn’t be that big of a deal, even if you don’t really want to. She likely has a mental health problem going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP. I’d have her evaluated.

I’d have her evaluated but think you diagnosing her on the internet is ridiculous.

Not really.