Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When men reach this point, it is a "midlife crisis" and the men are scumbags for leaving the DW. When women do this, they are just empowered ladies who deserve to be free of the DH.

The truth is that changing hormones affects relationships for men and women. People get more stuck in their ways, less flexible, more irritable, more tired, less patient, and less likely to overlook negatives.

None of this is new or particularly interesting.

These two things are not like another.

One is leaving abuse and one is the abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I are definitely bickering like never before. I'm nearing official menopause status and find I have less patience for his jokey attitude, which previously delighted me. He's getting grumpier and less patient/more offended when I'm moody. We will not divorce. In sane, calm moments, we acknowledge that this is a phase we will survive.

Your husband is getting grumpier and you prefer to stay in that abusive relationship? I don’t get it. I would have sent him the divorce papers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

Most GenXers are empty nesters by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

You are in denial. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Your children will feel it. You are modeling the wrong behavior. You should seek therapy or counseling. Divorce if it doesn’t work out.

DP. It’s an absolutely healthy relationship. If it’s important for him to be on time for whatever, he needs to be proactive and ensure it happens. She is not his executive assistant or special needs para.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I are definitely bickering like never before. I'm nearing official menopause status and find I have less patience for his jokey attitude, which previously delighted me. He's getting grumpier and less patient/more offended when I'm moody. We will not divorce. In sane, calm moments, we acknowledge that this is a phase we will survive.

Your husband is getting grumpier and you prefer to stay in that abusive relationship? I don’t get it. I would have sent him the divorce papers.

He's not abusive. I think men go through hormonal changes, too. Man o pause, if you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

Actually I think most women would’ve okay with a warm body who actually shared household chores.

Most men don’t.

After divorce women do significantly less housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

You are in denial. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Your children will feel it. You are modeling the wrong behavior. You should seek therapy or counseling. Divorce if it doesn’t work out.

This is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

As a 58 yr old woman, I totally get it.

I’m tired of the increasingly grumpy, increasingly anxious man I’m married to. After 26 years of marriage and my doing 80% of the child-rearing, the household logistics, the cooking and cleaning, even mowing the lawn every week so he could do his “projects”, I want peace and ease. He wants to complain and make life more difficult. But also get sex every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

Speak for yourself. I love that my husband does the shopping and cooking. One of the main reasons I'm still here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm too exhausted from relationships that take and take and take and don't provide emotional support.

+1. Women just want a real partner, not a warm body to share household chores.

Actually I think most women would’ve okay with a warm body who actually shared household chores.

Most men don’t.

After divorce women do significantly less housework.

Because men are gross. Can you get the pee in the toilet, not just outside it? Clean the hair out of the sink and drain? Maybe put your shoes away once in a while instead of walking all over the house with grit on your boots?

[Anonymous]

"I’m tired of the increasingly grumpy, increasingly anxious man I’m married to."

This. Women definitely having hormone/mood/desire issues, but many mid-life men seem increasingly grumpy. Add to that name-calling and words that can't be taken back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I have no plans to divorce and love my husband very much. But my attitude has changed with menopause. My big example is that I’m just not willing to be the ringleader of the troops to get us places on time. I’m tired, really tired.

Example — He has ADHD and is time blind. I’ve spent years running around to get myself and two kids ready to be able to get places on time. I just can’t do it anymore. I need to sleep in later. I need to not be so crazed. So, a few days ago we were 30 minutes late to meet his family for lunch. He was losing his mind rushing around the house when he realized I hadn’t just taken care of everything. I just… didn’t care. Hilariously, Since his whole family doesn’t care about time management, they were all 20-30 minutes late as well.

But we won’t divorce. He is an amazing husband and father. We will just be late for stuff. Oh well.

I hear you. I have all but sworn off cooking. People wander around asking what's for dinner. I tell them what's in the fridge and go one with my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

OMG yes. Yes, yes, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a ton of sense. The women hitting menopause right now are squarely Gen X, raised in the Free to Be You and Me era and firmly expecting something "better" than what their parents had in terms of division of household labor.

But societal gender norms are strong, and this generation really isn't that much better (if at all) than their fathers when it comes to all of the tasks that keep a household running.

So, women are working FT and still carrying the bulk of the domestic load. No wonder they are burning out and deciding it would be better to be alone than remain in a marriage with a man who never really grew up.

I read something that said that Millennial men are *way* better at shouldering household responsibilities than previous generations. There's no evidence that Millennial women are any happier about marriage though.

Equity is valuable for its own sake. But I don't think it's going to make anyone any happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-is-menodivorce-the-midlife-marital-crisis-no-one-talks-about/

So, when women hit that time, they are done with their menfolks.

After 15-20 years of parenting and maintain a home in spite of a deadweight ManChild, I’d agree: Time for Divorce.

ManChild can go find a new Mommy figure. Sans kids she won’t know what hit her until she actually has to rely on him for something.