Concerning? BIL and SIL publicly crying at a gathering the weekend before their only child leaves for college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Come on. This isn't normal. Have you ever seen a parent cry at a gathering like this? Most of us cry discreetly after dropping off our kid, and no one is the wiser...

My parents teared up a little in my dorm and confided to me later that they sobbed on the drive home. But crying at a party seemed a little concerning is all. And especially the way my SIL described my niece, it sounded like a co-dependency. Even my BIL confided to my husband his daughter has been his everything and he was struggling to imagine the house without her. Suddenly they're going to be a 5 hour plane ride from her and the house will be eerie and quiet. Made us worried is all and wondering if this was normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Come on. This isn't normal. Have you ever seen a parent cry at a gathering like this? Most of us cry discreetly after dropping off our kid, and no one is the wiser...

My manager at work cried on and off for MONTHS before her child went to college. And then her child went and two weeks later she was completely fine and seemed happier than she'd been in years. I think it is both a pivotal transition and hits during perimenopause and the combo can be a lot.

It has to be *so* much easier with the advent of iPhones, texting, social media, and FaceTime, right?

[Anonymous]

It is on the spectrum of normal. It's OK that they are a close family and they are going to miss their only child which led to a few tears. Give your SIL a big hug and let you know you sympathize with her.

[Anonymous]

What a dumb thing to say

[Anonymous]

We're going to do that. Neither of us was particularly emotional before having children, but now we tear up over little things related to our kids.

[Anonymous]

Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they felt the need to put their emotions on display, almost as if they're proud of it. To me it feels inappropriately performative. It's very different from private grief. We all privately grieve when our kids leave the nest. This is something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

+1

[Anonymous]

Some people cry a lot, some don’t. It’s much healthier than holding it in and shoving it down inside.

[Anonymous]

Cruelly, empty nest often coincides with the emotions of menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.
[/quote]

+1. But I'd expect nothing less from Gen x parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

[Anonymous]

Where is the kid going?