Why do some teachers take dads more seriously than moms

[Anonymous]

Moms can be a bit catty, or maybe the teachers just think he’s hot

[Anonymous]

My dad would show up in full military uniform.

Got things done in FCPS circa 1980s. He did t have time for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YEARS of concerns and requests to teachers AND principals? My kids were in public schools for 12 years and I never spoke to a principal one time. What are you asking for?

This is the reason. OP is "that parent". Her husband isn't, at least not yet, because he hasn't been the one voicing concerns and making requests to teachers and principals for years. It has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with compassion fatigue on the part of overworked teachers.

100% this. It’s not female vs male, it’s you vs not you.

Staff talks. When I am invited to a meeting with parents, the history with the family is shared. “Every year mom calls a meeting to complain about something, this year it’s Larlo’s seating arrangement. Just smile and nod, nothing is ever good enough.” Or “mom never agrees to new testing and wants increased accommodations every year, hold firm if she won’t approve testing.”

When dad comes instead, it’s a fresh start. There is no history to share.

Right or wrong, this is reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After years of teachers and principals not taking my concerns/requests seriously, I've resorted to having my husband take the lead on school-related things. He schedules the conferences, he sends emails, he makes accommodation requests, etc, and while I wish I could say I have been shocked by how much nicer and more accommodating to his requests they are to mine, I'm not surprised at all, it's the whole reason I've asked him to take the lead on school related things. Why do people do this - both male and female teachers and administrators? Why wouldn't a teacher take the mother just as seriously as s/he takes the father?

Anecdotally, the PTO doesn't like him. They never pick him to volunteer for things, even though he volunteers a ton. I assume this is a friend thing, they only want to volunteer with their friends? They're scared he's a pedophile? I have no idea, but take advantage of my husband's flexible schedule, ladies, let your sons know that dads can and should be involved in their children's lives! WTH?

Fathers are seldom involved with school in that way so it implies the family is quite serious about the matter.

In twenty-odd years of teaching, the main times I’ve had dads as the primary parent were under these circumstances:

1. Two dads
2. Mom is dead or seriously ill.
3. Mom has limited English.
4. Dad was a teacher or admin in our district

Dads tend to be more engaged with sports, scouting, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After years of teachers and principals not taking my concerns/requests seriously, I've resorted to having my husband take the lead on school-related things. He schedules the conferences, he sends emails, he makes accommodation requests, etc, and while I wish I could say I have been shocked by how much nicer and more accommodating to his requests they are to mine, I'm not surprised at all, it's the whole reason I've asked him to take the lead on school related things. Why do people do this - both male and female teachers and administrators? Why wouldn't a teacher take the mother just as seriously as s/he takes the father?

Anecdotally, the PTO doesn't like him. They never pick him to volunteer for things, even though he volunteers a ton. I assume this is a friend thing, they only want to volunteer with their friends? They're scared he's a pedophile? I have no idea, but take advantage of my husband's flexible schedule, ladies, let your sons know that dads can and should be involved in their children's lives! WTH?

I've only experienced this once with a male AP.....he was known to be condescending and treat moms insignificantly. He did not pull that with the dads . I am sorry you are seeing this though-FCPS can be a weird place. Ignore the PTO mommy nonsense-not worth your time worrying about. I agree though they should be happy to have a dad help. Sometimes the PTO finds a weak admin team and the PTO starts to run the school it can be toxic.

[Anonymous]

Because Mom‘s are more likely to get combative or defensive when things come up regarding their children, the majority of dads take the reasonable route and understand that their kids are not perfect in the teacher is not to blame.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

I’d do the same!

[Anonymous]

It is rare for dads to be reaching out about school stuff. So dads maybe get noticed more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Dad’s are emotionally more stable and easier for women to handle.

It's not only school employees who think this way. The stereotype is that mothers are hysterical or crazy and get ignored but fathers are praised for being involved at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and recently had a dad get semi aggressive with me. I no longer share anything other than positive things with the family. I avoid them as much as possible. There's concerns about the child developmentally, but I'm not going to talk with the family about that because it is a risk. I'm not risking my safety over it.

This is disgusting. If you have developmental concerns about a child, you share that information with the family. You share it with the mom with the principal and other people present. No one is going to jump you just because you say their child needs to be evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YEARS of concerns and requests to teachers AND principals? My kids were in public schools for 12 years and I never spoke to a principal one time. What are you asking for?

This is the reason. OP is "that parent". Her husband isn't, at least not yet, because he hasn't been the one voicing concerns and making requests to teachers and principals for years. It has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with compassion fatigue on the part of overworked teachers.

100% this. It’s not female vs male, it’s you vs not you.

Staff talks. When I am invited to a meeting with parents, the history with the family is shared. “Every year mom calls a meeting to complain about something, this year it’s Larlo’s seating arrangement. Just smile and nod, nothing is ever good enough.” Or “mom never agrees to new testing and wants increased accommodations every year, hold firm if she won’t approve testing.”

When dad comes instead, it’s a fresh start. There is no history to share.

Right or wrong, this is reality.

So, mom shows up to the IEP or 504 meetings and asks teachers to enforce the required accommodations and then when they don't because mom has a reputation for, OMG, advocating for her child, she has to call in Dad. That's so ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YEARS of concerns and requests to teachers AND principals? My kids were in public schools for 12 years and I never spoke to a principal one time. What are you asking for?

This is the reason. OP is "that parent". Her husband isn't, at least not yet, because he hasn't been the one voicing concerns and making requests to teachers and principals for years. It has nothing to do with sexism. It has to do with compassion fatigue on the part of overworked teachers.

100% this. It’s not female vs male, it’s you vs not you.

Staff talks. When I am invited to a meeting with parents, the history with the family is shared. “Every year mom calls a meeting to complain about something, this year it’s Larlo’s seating arrangement. Just smile and nod, nothing is ever good enough.” Or “mom never agrees to new testing and wants increased accommodations every year, hold firm if she won’t approve testing.”

When dad comes instead, it’s a fresh start. There is no history to share.

Right or wrong, this is reality.

So, mom shows up to the IEP or 504 meetings and asks teachers to enforce the required accommodations and then when they don't because mom has a reputation for, OMG, advocating for her child, she has to call in Dad. That's so ridiculous.

You didn’t understand what the PP was saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sexism, it's real. Thanks for confirming what every mom on this board already knew, teachers!

There can be a lot of internalized misogyny in female dominated professions.

I love that DH handles the parent teacher conferences and teacher communications. He is definitely the more confrontational of the two of us but if the teachers prefer to get direction from a man and my kids’ needs are met and I don’t have to go, I’m good with that.