I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

They’re really cute…but I just think it’s because they look like Asian kids with white features and people think white features are more attractive so…

I’m white and I feel the opposite. I think a lot of people saying this are looking down on white people. Most white babies are not cute- they’re bald and bland looking. Asian babies have lots more hair and features with greater color distinction. I think white people start to look attractive in high school.

Op I would throw their words back to them “so you’re saying that instead of the grandchildren that you do have, you wish you had some others?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese

+ yep. Not all mixed kids are “reallllly cute.” See some weird looking ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Chinese and if parents are anything like mine, they'd complain you should have married someone Chinese if you married white or any other Asian
And if you did the right thing by marrying someone Chinese, well, that wasn't good enough either.

The best thing I ever did was realize they'll never be satisfied with anything I do, or don't do.

However since tallness is a virtue, maybe they're just complaining because they wish your kids were taller. I do happen to have a kid with a white father and my parents love to fawn over how tall he is. Every.time.he.visits.

Whatever, live your life and not theirs.

Because he's a boy.
I have a boy and a girl as does my sister. The difference in treatment based on gender is revolting.

Sadly, I agree. But that's another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if posting about race related stuff is appropriate here but here goes. I’m Chinese and was raised in the US. DH is as well. I have a lot of Asian friends - nothing against anyone else but I’ve just tended to gravitate towards people with a similar backgrounds and have a certain comfort level with them. It never surprised me that I married someone Chinese. It would’ve seemed odd to me that I mostly hang out with Asians but then marry a non-Asian, if that makes sense?

Anyways, we have kids now and lately my parents have been commenting on how they have various Chinese friends whose kids married white people, and how their kids are so cute (yeah I get it, mixed race kids are cute). They made a comment about how it would’ve interesting if I married someone outside of our race. For some reason their comments really bothered me. Am I somehow inferior since I “settled” for someone of my own ethnicity? Is marrying a white person a gold standard for an Asian? What’s wrong with being proud of who I am and finding someone similar?

I just wanted to vent a little. Curious about others thoughts on this. Anyone have parents like this?

Race is a social consruct by the way.

Asian people (as society defines, since race is a social construct) are not special as compared to other people. White people (as society defines, since race is a social construct) are not special as compared to other people.

All of this internet discussion of "Asians" wondering how to grapple with the "fact" of how great they are as a people and how to manage that having to live among the whites (yes, its is only whites that matter, other groups are sort of accidental observers of the actual relevant groups) who just don't undertand that fact yet is odd.

[Anonymous]

They obviously didn’t marry anyone white so why should you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese

Especially as I see less good looking white men with Asian women.

[Anonymous]

I am Asian. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had a "plan" to all marry men of different races so we could have a whole spectrum of rainbow babies. I think we just thought they were all cute and it's fun to think about what combos of features might emerge. I would try not to be bothered by your parents' comments.

I do agree that these days there is some strange racism where Asians prefer looking more Western. I feel sad when I watch Asian tv shows on Netflix and many actors appear to be mixed.

I am second-generation Chinese married to the same. I feel you on how strangely rare this is in the DMV though (we don't live in Rockville or similarly high-Asian-populated areas). In my DD's grade, I think there was only one other full Asian kid (out of five kindergarten classes), but there were a dozen+ half Asian kids.

[Anonymous]

When I was in college, I took an oral history seminar and interviewed a first generation Japanese American woman who had been in one of the camps during WW II. She was the mother of a teacher I had in jr high. She commented that all of her children married white people so all of her grandchildren are mixed and seemed a little wistful that the culture and heritage wouldn’t be passed on the same way. I think there’s always a little bit of “what if” in life and you’re parents are just expressing it in a wistful way, not in a “you made a mistake” way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Asian. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had a "plan" to all marry men of different races so we could have a whole spectrum of rainbow babies. I think we just thought they were all cute and it's fun to think about what combos of features might emerge. I would try not to be bothered by your parents' comments.

I do agree that these days there is some strange racism where Asians prefer looking more Western. I feel sad when I watch Asian tv shows on Netflix and many actors appear to be mixed.

I am second-generation Chinese married to the same. I feel you on how strangely rare this is in the DMV though (we don't live in Rockville or similarly high-Asian-populated areas). In my DD's grade, I think there was only one other full Asian kid (out of five kindergarten classes), but there were a dozen+ half Asian kids.

Same here - I do live in a dense Asian area but most of the couples I meet where both parents are Asian are first generation/more recent immigrants. I don't meet many couples where both are second generation. Way more common to see mixed couples if one person is second generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Asian. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had a "plan" to all marry men of different races so we could have a whole spectrum of rainbow babies. I think we just thought they were all cute and it's fun to think about what combos of features might emerge. I would try not to be bothered by your parents' comments.

I do agree that these days there is some strange racism where Asians prefer looking more Western. I feel sad when I watch Asian tv shows on Netflix and many actors appear to be mixed.

I am second-generation Chinese married to the same. I feel you on how strangely rare this is in the DMV though (we don't live in Rockville or similarly high-Asian-populated areas). In my DD's grade, I think there was only one other full Asian kid (out of five kindergarten classes), but there were a dozen+ half Asian kids.

Same here - I do live in a dense Asian area but most of the couples I meet where both parents are Asian are first generation/more recent immigrants. I don't meet many couples where both are second generation. Way more common to see mixed couples if one person is second generation.

That is a good point. The only place I know with more second-gen Asian couples is California.

[Anonymous]

Np, I find white/asian mixed kids to be funny looking generally. Of the mixed races that blend well, this one is the most ill-matched.

[Anonymous]

It’s self hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if posting about race related stuff is appropriate here but here goes. I’m Chinese and was raised in the US. DH is as well. I have a lot of Asian friends - nothing against anyone else but I’ve just tended to gravitate towards people with a similar backgrounds and have a certain comfort level with them. It never surprised me that I married someone Chinese. It would’ve seemed odd to me that I mostly hang out with Asians but then marry a non-Asian, if that makes sense?

Anyways, we have kids now and lately my parents have been commenting on how they have various Chinese friends whose kids married white people, and how their kids are so cute (yeah I get it, mixed race kids are cute). They made a comment about how it would’ve interesting if I married someone outside of our race. For some reason their comments really bothered me. Am I somehow inferior since I “settled” for someone of my own ethnicity? Is marrying a white person a gold standard for an Asian? What’s wrong with being proud of who I am and finding someone similar?

I just wanted to vent a little. Curious about others thoughts on this. Anyone have parents like this?

Drown Asian kids can find problems in every word their parents utter. May be they are only trying to express their open mindedness.

[Anonymous]

Don't take things personally.

[Anonymous]

I have Asian friends and this is a very real low key racist thing that they too have shared.

Almost like have mixed kids are better ..

I’d re-remind your parents that your kids are beautiful as is .. EVERY single time they passed those comments. Shut it down.