I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…

[Anonymous]

WOC here and yep it absolutely exists within my own race ..

From hair texture to skin shades .. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are self loathing.
Enjoy your fam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if posting about race related stuff is appropriate here but here goes. I’m Chinese and was raised in the US. DH is as well. I have a lot of Asian friends - nothing against anyone else but I’ve just tended to gravitate towards people with a similar backgrounds and have a certain comfort level with them. It never surprised me that I married someone Chinese. It would’ve seemed odd to me that I mostly hang out with Asians but then marry a non-Asian, if that makes sense?

Anyways, we have kids now and lately my parents have been commenting on how they have various Chinese friends whose kids married white people, and how their kids are so cute (yeah I get it, mixed race kids are cute). They made a comment about how it would’ve interesting if I married someone outside of our race. For some reason their comments really bothered me. Am I somehow inferior since I “settled” for someone of my own ethnicity? Is marrying a white person a gold standard for an Asian? What’s wrong with being proud of who I am and finding someone similar?

I just wanted to vent a little. Curious about others thoughts on this. Anyone have parents like this?

Why do you assume white? Maybe they meant white or black, since you are in the U.S.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese

+ yep. Not all mixed kids are “reallllly cute.” See some weird looking ones.

Perception, 2010, volume 39, pages 136 - 138

"Why are mixed-race people perceived as more attractive?

Abstract. Previous, small scale, studies have suggested that people of mixed race are perceived
as being more attractive than non-mixed-race people. Here, it is suggested that the reason for
this is the genetic process of heterosis or hybrid vigour (ie cross-bred offspring have greater
genetic fitness than pure-bred offspring). A random sample of 1205 black, white, and mixed-race
faces was collected. These faces were then rated for their perceived attractiveness. There was
a small but highly significant effect, with mixed-race faces, on average, being perceived as more
attractive. This result is seen as a perceptual demonstration of heterosis in humans - a biological
process that may have implications far beyond just attractiveness."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese

+ yep. Not all mixed kids are “reallllly cute.” See some weird looking ones.

Perception, 2010, volume 39, pages 136 - 138

"Why are mixed-race people perceived as more attractive?

Abstract. Previous, small scale, studies have suggested that people of mixed race are perceived
as being more attractive than non-mixed-race people. Here, it is suggested that the reason for
this is the genetic process of heterosis or hybrid vigour (ie cross-bred offspring have greater
genetic fitness than pure-bred offspring). A random sample of 1205 black, white, and mixed-race
faces was collected. These faces were then rated for their perceived attractiveness. There was
a small but highly significant effect, with mixed-race faces, on average, being perceived as more
attractive. This result is seen as a perceptual demonstration of heterosis in humans - a biological
process that may have implications far beyond just attractiveness."

This is simply colorism. There are many many lighter skinned people are perceived as more attractive but if they had those same features in a darker tone, would not be perceived as attractive.

[Anonymous]

I'm asian. My asian parents often make comments without any malice. You should give them the benefit of the doubt. And I personally agree halfy babies are cuter. Asian babies are not that cute. But you grow into your features! As my asian mom says: you were a really ugly baby but then at some point became pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm asian. My asian parents often make comments without any malice. You should give them the benefit of the doubt. And I personally agree halfy babies are cuter. Asian babies are not that cute. But you grow into your features! As my asian mom says: you were a really ugly baby but then at some point became pretty.

As a non-Asian, I assure you that Asian babies are the cutest. You may just have some self loathing of Asian features?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

They’re really cute…but I just think it’s because they look like Asian kids with white features and people think white features are more attractive so…

I’m white and I feel the opposite. I think a lot of people saying this are looking down on white people. Most white babies are not cute- they’re bald and bland looking. Asian babies have lots more hair and features with greater color distinction. I think white people start to look attractive in high school.

Op I would throw their words back to them “so you’re saying that instead of the grandchildren that you do have, you wish you had some others?”

Agree. Part of the mixed babies are cute thing is because there is some ‘color’, ‘spice’, ‘variety’ added to the white that has been ubiquitous on tv and media until recently. It is a fresh and more interesting look.

[Anonymous]

1. Your parents are just talking. They are not being serious.
2. There are plenty of mixed race kids who are not cute. They are just noticing the cute ones.
3. In my mid-40s, and of the small number of my Asian female friends who are divorced, most of them married non-Asians.
4. If you did marry a non-Asian, rest assured, you’d get a lot more salty comments than just ones about mixed kids being cuter…

I would be annoyed but I wouldn’t take their comment seriously.

[Anonymous]

I’m Chinese American married to white man and no, I don’t think it is a standard at all. I’m sorry your parents said those things to you. It sounds like the type of insensitive thing my mother would say. I’ve noticed throughout life that no matter what choices I make personally or professionally my mother always finds a way to criticize it and put me down. I think it is cultural and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Chinese and if parents are anything like mine, they'd complain you should have married someone Chinese if you married white or any other Asian
And if you did the right thing by marrying someone Chinese, well, that wasn't good enough either.

The best thing I ever did was realize they'll never be satisfied with anything I do, or don't do.

However since tallness is a virtue, maybe they're just complaining because they wish your kids were taller. I do happen to have a kid with a white father and my parents love to fawn over how tall he is. Every.time.he.visits.

Whatever, live your life and not theirs.

Because he's a boy.
I have a boy and a girl as does my sister. The difference in treatment based on gender is revolting.

not necessarily. my chinese MIL adores our daughter (9) and sort of likes our son (5). she just can't help it, she is all over the older one every time we hang out together, which pretty often. it was so obvious with the Christmas gifts they brought from their trip to Asia for both kids. so far kids haven't noticed, but my mom notices every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if posting about race related stuff is appropriate here but here goes. I’m Chinese and was raised in the US. DH is as well. I have a lot of Asian friends - nothing against anyone else but I’ve just tended to gravitate towards people with a similar backgrounds and have a certain comfort level with them. It never surprised me that I married someone Chinese. It would’ve seemed odd to me that I mostly hang out with Asians but then marry a non-Asian, if that makes sense?

Anyways, we have kids now and lately my parents have been commenting on how they have various Chinese friends whose kids married white people, and how their kids are so cute (yeah I get it, mixed race kids are cute). They made a comment about how it would’ve interesting if I married someone outside of our race. For some reason their comments really bothered me. Am I somehow inferior since I “settled” for someone of my own ethnicity? Is marrying a white person a gold standard for an Asian? What’s wrong with being proud of who I am and finding someone similar?

I just wanted to vent a little. Curious about others thoughts on this. Anyone have parents like this?

YES!!! It very much is the gold standard. Not just for Chinese but for most Asians. That's why eyelid, nose, and cheekbone surgery is so popular. South Koreans are worse actually. As long as you have the mixed look, but Asian drive for success and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

They’re really cute…but I just think it’s because they look like Asian kids with white features and people think white features are more attractive so…

+1

ASIANS think white features are more attractive. Black people don't have the same racism/bias as asians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np, I find white/asian mixed kids to be funny looking generally. Of the mixed races that blend well, this one is the most ill-matched.

Try Indian and Jewish for odd blend.

Most of the Jews I know are just white people. I can't tell them apart from the WASPs unless they open their mouth or I see their name (which sometimes doest give anything away either).

[Anonymous]

I'm Korean married to a white guy. Our kids have the Asian nose for sure. Their nose looks nothing like their father's.