I’m Asian and married an Asian and I think my parents wished I married a white person…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese

Especially as I see less good looking white men with Asian women.

[Anonymous]

I am Asian. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had a "plan" to all marry men of different races so we could have a whole spectrum of rainbow babies. I think we just thought they were all cute and it's fun to think about what combos of features might emerge. I would try not to be bothered by your parents' comments.

I do agree that these days there is some strange racism where Asians prefer looking more Western. I feel sad when I watch Asian tv shows on Netflix and many actors appear to be mixed.

I am second-generation Chinese married to the same. I feel you on how strangely rare this is in the DMV though (we don't live in Rockville or similarly high-Asian-populated areas). In my DD's grade, I think there was only one other full Asian kid (out of five kindergarten classes), but there were a dozen+ half Asian kids.

[Anonymous]

When I was in college, I took an oral history seminar and interviewed a first generation Japanese American woman who had been in one of the camps during WW II. She was the mother of a teacher I had in jr high. She commented that all of her children married white people so all of her grandchildren are mixed and seemed a little wistful that the culture and heritage wouldn’t be passed on the same way. I think there’s always a little bit of “what if” in life and you’re parents are just expressing it in a wistful way, not in a “you made a mistake” way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Asian. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had a "plan" to all marry men of different races so we could have a whole spectrum of rainbow babies. I think we just thought they were all cute and it's fun to think about what combos of features might emerge. I would try not to be bothered by your parents' comments.

I do agree that these days there is some strange racism where Asians prefer looking more Western. I feel sad when I watch Asian tv shows on Netflix and many actors appear to be mixed.

I am second-generation Chinese married to the same. I feel you on how strangely rare this is in the DMV though (we don't live in Rockville or similarly high-Asian-populated areas). In my DD's grade, I think there was only one other full Asian kid (out of five kindergarten classes), but there were a dozen+ half Asian kids.

Same here - I do live in a dense Asian area but most of the couples I meet where both parents are Asian are first generation/more recent immigrants. I don't meet many couples where both are second generation. Way more common to see mixed couples if one person is second generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Asian. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had a "plan" to all marry men of different races so we could have a whole spectrum of rainbow babies. I think we just thought they were all cute and it's fun to think about what combos of features might emerge. I would try not to be bothered by your parents' comments.

I do agree that these days there is some strange racism where Asians prefer looking more Western. I feel sad when I watch Asian tv shows on Netflix and many actors appear to be mixed.

I am second-generation Chinese married to the same. I feel you on how strangely rare this is in the DMV though (we don't live in Rockville or similarly high-Asian-populated areas). In my DD's grade, I think there was only one other full Asian kid (out of five kindergarten classes), but there were a dozen+ half Asian kids.

Same here - I do live in a dense Asian area but most of the couples I meet where both parents are Asian are first generation/more recent immigrants. I don't meet many couples where both are second generation. Way more common to see mixed couples if one person is second generation.

That is a good point. The only place I know with more second-gen Asian couples is California.

[Anonymous]

Np, I find white/asian mixed kids to be funny looking generally. Of the mixed races that blend well, this one is the most ill-matched.

[Anonymous]

It’s self hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if posting about race related stuff is appropriate here but here goes. I’m Chinese and was raised in the US. DH is as well. I have a lot of Asian friends - nothing against anyone else but I’ve just tended to gravitate towards people with a similar backgrounds and have a certain comfort level with them. It never surprised me that I married someone Chinese. It would’ve seemed odd to me that I mostly hang out with Asians but then marry a non-Asian, if that makes sense?

Anyways, we have kids now and lately my parents have been commenting on how they have various Chinese friends whose kids married white people, and how their kids are so cute (yeah I get it, mixed race kids are cute). They made a comment about how it would’ve interesting if I married someone outside of our race. For some reason their comments really bothered me. Am I somehow inferior since I “settled” for someone of my own ethnicity? Is marrying a white person a gold standard for an Asian? What’s wrong with being proud of who I am and finding someone similar?

I just wanted to vent a little. Curious about others thoughts on this. Anyone have parents like this?

Drown Asian kids can find problems in every word their parents utter. May be they are only trying to express their open mindedness.

[Anonymous]

Don't take things personally.

[Anonymous]

I have Asian friends and this is a very real low key racist thing that they too have shared.

Almost like have mixed kids are better ..

I’d re-remind your parents that your kids are beautiful as is .. EVERY single time they passed those comments. Shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try not to take it to heart. My white mother's family was thrown into chaos when she had a child (me) with an east Asian man (my father). Some relatives didn't see her for years, and all kinds of remarks were made, all of them offensive, only some of which were well-intended. My white grandmother remarked to me when I was 12 that races should never intermarry. That was nice.

Everyone was disappointed when I married an east Asian - even my father, because my husband isn't from the same Asian country. He's from a poorer country, so big no-no. The fact my husband is multiples times wealthier than my father is just adding insult to injury.

SO... all this to say, OP. Don't take it to heart. Racism is alive and well, and your job is to steer you and your kids through it as best as you can.

I’m a white woman married to a south Asian and your post made me remember an online meeting my husband had in the wake of George Floyd when his manager was mandated to hold a staff DEI discussion. One of his (white) colleagues said (it was a zoom meeting, I was sharing a home office with DH) “I lived in Japan for two years and you know over there there isn’t any racism”. My DH and I could not stop laughing. So much racism between Asian countries! I grew up in a white household and never heard my parents say anything negative, or really anything at all, about anyone based on culture/race/ethnicity. Meanwhile with my in-laws, there is a steady stream of commentary that started with pressuring me to eat certain foods while pregnant so my kid would have lighter skin. I’m not passing judgement - colorism did a number on all of Asia. But racism is not just an American thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean half Asian babies are realllllly cute.

But it’s a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry OP.

Sorry, but that's not all true. I've seen plenty of plain looking ones. Only the even plainer parents think they are cute.
I met one with a weak chin in college (his mother had a weak chin). Ick.
-signed, Chinese

Especially as I see less good looking white men with Asian women.

Believe me there are plenty of unattractive Asian women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a Chinese American girl for a while. Her dad hated that she was dating a white guy. We took a vacation once in Taiwan with them and she would leave the door to our room open so they could hear us screwing. She was a weird chick. Fun vacation though.

Her parents raised her poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np, I find white/asian mixed kids to be funny looking generally. Of the mixed races that blend well, this one is the most ill-matched.

Try Indian and Jewish for odd blend.

[Anonymous]

When they say something like that, can you pause, turn to them with sort of a confused expression, and ask “why do you say that?” Then stare at them while they respond or fumble for a response. It puts the pressure back on them and makes them explain their comment. Either they truly didn’t mean anything by it or they’ll realize it’s an unwarranted/mean/racist comment when they have to explain specifically what they meant.