s/o - Do you lose respect for someone if you've found out he or she has had an affair?

[Anonymous]

I do. I don't feel the same way about friends/acquaintances (men and women) after I've found out they have been unfaithful. I wish I didn't feel this way, because it's impacted some of my longest and strongest friendships, but I do. I've always been overly judgemental, though.

[Anonymous]

Yes I do, and I don't care if it is judgemental. I might keep my mouth shut, but I do have a right to feel and think what I want.

By the way, I do not consider having a relationship with someone when you are separated or filing for divorce to be wrong. There are a couple divorces I know that took years to finalize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do, and I don't care if it is judgemental. I might keep my mouth shut, but I do have a right to feel and think what I want.

By the way, I do not consider having a relationship with someone when you are separated or filing for divorce to be wrong. There are a couple divorces I know that took years to finalize.

This is OP, and I agree with the last point. When a divorce is under way, I've got no issues at all. i'm talking about the more black and while kind of infidelity - friend cheats on spouse while marriage, although not necessarily happy (obviously), is a going concern.

Does the type of infideilty change how you feel? Drunken mistake on a business trip v. ongoing sexual relationship v. falling in love with someone else (who he or she ultimately marries)? I have the most issues with the second example.

[Anonymous]

I see it as an opportunity -- if its a person of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

It makes me question how they view trust. Does it make them less trustworthy?

[Anonymous]

Yes. If you are unhappy enough to cheat, get a divorce first.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And if you broke up a marriage or are the reason for the separation respect and trust are out the window.

[Anonymous]

Unconscionable if they have kids. I will never forget how they put their own desires before the welfare of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do, and I don't care if it is judgemental. I might keep my mouth shut, but I do have a right to feel and think what I want.

By the way, I do not consider having a relationship with someone when you are separated or filing for divorce to be wrong. There are a couple divorces I know that took years to finalize.

This is OP, and I agree with the last point. When a divorce is under way, I've got no issues at all. i'm talking about the more black and while kind of infidelity - friend cheats on spouse while marriage, although not necessarily happy (obviously), is a going concern.

Does the type of infideilty change how you feel? Drunken mistake on a business trip v. ongoing sexual relationship v. falling in love with someone else (who he or she ultimately marries)? I have the most issues with the second example.

I'm sorry but a "drunken mistake" is impossible. Inebriated or not, people know what they're doing. And I'm happily married with no personal experience with said drunken mistake.

[Anonymous]

I think that it's easy to judge but you haven't walked in that person's shoes. You ultimately have no idea what their marriage was like, what went on behind closed doors, what their personal issues are from childhood, etc. I initially had different feelings towards a friend who had cheated and then when I got more of the full story realized I was really out of line for judging. You just don't know. You don't know another person's demons and issues.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Doesn't matter if it's the married person or the single person banging the married person. Both are reprehensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unconscionable if they have kids. I will never forget how they put their own desires before the welfare of their children.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see it as an opportunity -- if its a person of the opposite sex.

There are many people who feel that way when they see something they want--whether it's money, jewelry, a job, or someone else's spouse. They just don't give a thought to character or consequences.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely, especially when they try to rationalize how special the relationship is, it was meant to be, blah-blah. Esp. in their 40s. Midlife crisis anyone? So predictable as to be boring. One of my close friends has done this with an old college boyfriend, imploding her own marriage, and I realized how inherently selfish she has always been.