Any way to disinvite a cousin from an annual beach reunion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

That's not entirely true.as post pointed out op is very much the type to want to control everything. Her cousin didn't ask her to take care of her baby op just assumed she should do something instead of sitting her butt down someplace , dipping on some wine ( that she had to pour herself) and minding her own damn business

[Anonymous]

OP doesn’t owe the cousin an invite. She’s free to spend her vacation as she sees fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

It’s weird to me too. There is no obligation to have the cousin there. At least for me vacations are a time to unwind, not to get stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

That's not entirely true.as post pointed out op is very much the type to want to control everything. Her cousin didn't ask her to take care of her baby op just assumed she should do something instead of sitting her butt down someplace , dipping on some wine ( that she had to pour herself) and minding her own damn business

Cousin is local. Why can’t she stay at her own place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

It's the dcum classic -- rewriting the OP's posts to fit their own history & narrative.

Ah, never change DCUM!

OP is getting advice, it's just not what she wants to hear.

Because your “advice” is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since she is local OP, I would be careful.

Would continue to invite, but what's the issue with just taking her clothes out of the hamper and throwing them in a pile, instead of washing them? Or letting her kid sit in dirty diapers, if she is not willing to change them?

It sounds like she is poor, and this is her only chance at some sort of "vacation" from her life.

She's "poor," but "lives local" to the family beach house on the Cape? Not totally impossible, but extremely, extremely unlikely.

Why are people falling all over themselves to manufacture excuses for the adult cousin?

They see themselves in the cousin and it hits too close to the bone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

It's the dcum classic -- rewriting the OP's posts to fit their own history & narrative.

Ah, never change DCUM!

OP is getting advice, it's just not what she wants to hear.

Because your “advice” is ridiculous.

The advice to talk to the cousins and come to a compromise that hopefully works for everyone vs potentially creating a family drama by "disinviting" because both of them refuse to communicate like adults is bad advice?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think part of the problem might be that you and friend discussed and set the schedule, then after the fact ask the cousin. She is probably seething and resentful that she feels already left behind. You saying the BF is a delight to be with tells me that you are making it clear to cousin, even subconsciously, that you and BF would prefer cousin not being around.

I would have a discussion with her. Cousin, for these summers to work, each of us needs to pitch in and carry equal weight. If you just want a vacation away from doing all that every day, then this isn't the place to do it.

For next summer to work, the three of us need to come up with a schedule and each of us do our part.

I am sure all sorts of resentment will come seething out of her. Then you need to discuss. If this breaks up the 3 Amigos, it is what it is. But perhaps it can reset the tone moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t owe the cousin an invite. She’s free to spend her vacation as she sees fit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

It’s weird to me too. There is no obligation to have the cousin there. At least for me vacations are a time to unwind, not to get stressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

That's not entirely true.as post pointed out op is very much the type to want to control everything. Her cousin didn't ask her to take care of her baby op just assumed she should do something instead of sitting her butt down someplace , dipping on some wine ( that she had to pour herself) and minding her own damn business

Cousin is local. Why can’t she stay at her own place?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

It's the dcum classic -- rewriting the OP's posts to fit their own history & narrative.

Ah, never change DCUM!

OP is getting advice, it's just not what she wants to hear.

Because your “advice” is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since she is local OP, I would be careful.

Would continue to invite, but what's the issue with just taking her clothes out of the hamper and throwing them in a pile, instead of washing them? Or letting her kid sit in dirty diapers, if she is not willing to change them?

It sounds like she is poor, and this is her only chance at some sort of "vacation" from her life.

She's "poor," but "lives local" to the family beach house on the Cape? Not totally impossible, but extremely, extremely unlikely.

Why are people falling all over themselves to manufacture excuses for the adult cousin?

They see themselves in the cousin and it hits too close to the bone.

It's hilarious to me that OP either starts sockpuppeting or comes back with a post thanking her supporters and explaining why her cousin is so awful anytime people question her or given anything other than approval.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think part of the problem might be that you and friend discussed and set the schedule, then after the fact ask the cousin. She is probably seething and resentful that she feels already left behind. You saying the BF is a delight to be with tells me that you are making it clear to cousin, even subconsciously, that you and BF would prefer cousin not being around.

I would have a discussion with her. Cousin, for these summers to work, each of us needs to pitch in and carry equal weight. If you just want a vacation away from doing all that every day, then this isn't the place to do it.

For next summer to work, the three of us need to come up with a schedule and each of us do our part.

I am sure all sorts of resentment will come seething out of her. Then you need to discuss. If this breaks up the 3 Amigos, it is what it is. But perhaps it can reset the tone moving forward.

The vibe I get is BF is more of a lackey willing to do as bidden by OP, and her cousin is not.
If OP truly would like to continue vacationing with her cousin then she needs to be just as willing to compromise to find a balance that works for everyone on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think part of the problem might be that you and friend discussed and set the schedule, then after the fact ask the cousin. She is probably seething and resentful that she feels already left behind. You saying the BF is a delight to be with tells me that you are making it clear to cousin, even subconsciously, that you and BF would prefer cousin not being around.

I would have a discussion with her. Cousin, for these summers to work, each of us needs to pitch in and carry equal weight. If you just want a vacation away from doing all that every day, then this isn't the place to do it.

For next summer to work, the three of us need to come up with a schedule and each of us do our part.

I am sure all sorts of resentment will come seething out of her. Then you need to discuss. If this breaks up the 3 Amigos, it is what it is. But perhaps it can reset the tone moving forward.

The vibe I get is BF is more of a lackey willing to do as bidden by OP, and her cousin is not.
If OP truly would like to continue vacationing with her cousin then she needs to be just as willing to compromise to find a balance that works for everyone on vacation.

My guess is that BF and OP just mesh better personality-wise. I guess that is why they are BFFs. Cousin is probably a little jealous of their relationship, especially since she is "family". BF may also be better at showing gratitude for a free week (or however long it is) at the beach.

[Anonymous]

Do all of you work at movie theaters? Because there’s a ton of projecting on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t owe the cousin an invite. She’s free to spend her vacation as she sees fit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

It’s weird to me too. There is no obligation to have the cousin there. At least for me vacations are a time to unwind, not to get stressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why are posters ganging up on OP? This cousin expects that her meals, laundry and cleaning are going to be 100% handled by two women who have a zillion kids between them. What do you expect OP to do?

That's not entirely true.as post pointed out op is very much the type to want to control everything. Her cousin didn't ask her to take care of her baby op just assumed she should do something instead of sitting her butt down someplace , dipping on some wine ( that she had to pour herself) and minding her own damn business

Cousin is local. Why can’t she stay at her own place?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol. OP is asking for advice on one thing and people bring up perceived additional info as if it's true. Wild.

It's the dcum classic -- rewriting the OP's posts to fit their own history & narrative.

Ah, never change DCUM!

OP is getting advice, it's just not what she wants to hear.

Because your “advice” is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since she is local OP, I would be careful.

Would continue to invite, but what's the issue with just taking her clothes out of the hamper and throwing them in a pile, instead of washing them? Or letting her kid sit in dirty diapers, if she is not willing to change them?

It sounds like she is poor, and this is her only chance at some sort of "vacation" from her life.

She's "poor," but "lives local" to the family beach house on the Cape? Not totally impossible, but extremely, extremely unlikely.

Why are people falling all over themselves to manufacture excuses for the adult cousin?

They see themselves in the cousin and it hits too close to the bone.

It's hilarious to me that OP either starts sockpuppeting or comes back with a post thanking her supporters and explaining why her cousin is so awful anytime people question her or given anything other than approval.

Why are you so sure you’re right that anyone who disagrees with you is assumed to be sock puppeting? Are you that needy? You would make a complete fool of yourself if I asked Jeff to prove your claims.

[Anonymous]

This post is like a DCUM ink blot test. Are you the OP? Or the cousin? Now defend yourself until blood is drawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of DCUM posters obviously don’t live by the “it takes a village” way of raising kids. Fine. But that means your way of vacationing with kids is not a good fit for this particular vacation. Like it or not, OP is the host, so her preferences matter. (And yes to the ones who insist on bringing up OP’s parents. It’s HER parents who have given HER permission to use the house. She is the host.)

And there’s simply no excuse for not doing your own laundry and dishes as an adult, or working remotely and disrupting vacation for others when your own house is nearby. OP, it’s perfectly fine to tell the cousin it won’t work next year and why.

Does she not do her own dishes or does she not do them when op thinks she should? Something tells me op has complained about how cousin does laundry too.

You can imagine different scenarios all you want. We can only go by what OP writes. And she says cousin doesn’t contribute to daily cooking, cleaning, or laundry. And in that case, yeah I think OP is clearly in the right to ask her not to return next year. Cousin is not the kind of house guest OP prefers. End of story.